The Backstory: (sorry its long but this IS the Cliff Notes actually)
She has never been "in" the marriage. She insisted her ex husband stay a week with us to spend time with daugher, (he lives in NY), I didnt like it but agreed because she said if I didnt it proved how selfish and insecure I was...
Needless to say I came everyday to them in the pool driniking and grilling having a good old time while kids were inside. Finally on our anniversary I came home to find them both in very odd seating arrangements. I ask to speak with her about it after everyone went to bed and basically she didnt care what my opinion was.. I left and stayed at brothers house. She filed restraining order and let him stay there. In fact they went out to eat at a nice resturant together...
I filed for divorce. She ended up having him stay on different occasions for awhile even after lying to me about it after we agreed he shouldnt be staying there with my 3 yr old son while we are seperated and so soon. She didnt care. Tried to get relocation with my son to NY with him. Courts denied. Very ugly custody battle. She triend every way in book to get me out of equation so she could go with ex to NY. Even calling police and trying to set me up non stop.
Eventually standard joint custody was decided and I took great new job at beach and was moving on. She then decides she loves me and wants to work things out. So for my sons sake and trying to keep familuy together, I move her here.
Well, she spends no time working on relationship and spends her time catching up with old friends here and inviting them to come vist and hang out and drink.. This is frustrating to me because her daughter is with her Dad in NY and will be back at end of summer and I would like to know marriage is in better shape and going in righrt direction by then. She has other plans.
After a month of her not looking for a job or working on relationship, I say something to her. She gets angry and leaves. Then about every week or two she gets drunk and just starts going off on me and making drama and leaving. Once she left drunk and totalled her car actualluy. Have no idea how she didnt get arrested..
Anyway, I begin to let her know that this isnt going to cut it. Lets start working on relationship and making it a priority or its over. She seems a little concerned but then two days later gets mad and doesnt want to hear anything from me and basically takes a hardcore "I dont give a damn attitude".
Monday before last I text her and ask whats she doing (suppose to be looking for a job) and she says at Office Depot making copies of resume. I happend to be by Office Depot for work and swing by thinking I will pay for all the copies and get also some nice resume paper I know she doesnt have money for.
Surprise, surprise... She isnt there.. I call and ask her again, and she says "at Office Depot I told you!" I nicely said, "ummmm no your not because I am here now." She then says, she meant to say "on her way to Office Depot".... Which I also know is a lie because she never showed up.
Feeling uneasy she lied to me, I didnt say anything but instead kept my cool and the next day during a break, I went by Apt and she wasnt there.. I text and ask what she was doing. She implied
she was at home on computer looking for jobs. Another lie.
As I leave the apt, I see her car at Apt complex office. Again, I dont say anything and just go back to work.
The Wed., I go by Apt again to see she again isnt there but impliying she is there looking for jobs on computer.. I see her car at Apt complex office again and this time go inside. She doesnt she me at all because she is so engrossed in the computer. She isnt looking for jobs at all. She is chatting with someone and looking for places to move. I sit down behind her and just watch and listen. She never sees me and is busy making calls to different places to move, etc. Worried it might cause a scene if I say anything, I just get up and leave but not without first taking pictures and video or her up to no good, because I know she will deny it as always.
I go home and ask can she come home for us to talk. She does and seems confused. I tell her I dont want to argue or fight. We have a child together, so I ask her to please if nothing else be honest with me. I ask her is she seeing or talking to anyone, she says "NO!! Of course not!! WTH??". Then I ask is she looking for places to move and she says "NO!! Why are you asking me this? Whats going on?".
I again ask her to be honest with me becuase I know she is lying. Again I ask her about looking for a place. She says "I havnt looked for a place to move or anything like that in a long long time!"
I show her a picture of doing just that at Apt complex office. She says, she meant on our computer at home. (we have two there she could use) I say if you didnt have anything to hide then why are you not using our two computers and using one at Apt complex Office?
She jumps up and says "I'm not doing this ****! I will just leave!!" to which I said fine, go.. She goes and picks up our son from school and leaves for a couple of nights.
She comes back Fri night and we dont talk much. She sleeps in bed and me on couch. Sat morning I wake up to her actually cooking breakfest and being nice... I am kinda shocked but going with it. Afterall I want it to work if possible.
She goes into talking about how she needs me to give her money for her and her daughters cell phone bill. I dont say much and she then starts saying I must not want it to work if I am unwilling to even give her money now. I ask her is that all she wants me for? Because that is me meeting her needs and she is not meeting any of mine. Wanting to show good faith after making my point, I ask how much she needs and then give her the $250.00 she wanted.
She then starts being ugly for no apparent reason. I ask is she trying to start a fight and she says no but then goes to bathroom to shave her "private parts" and then leaves my son and I bascially and goes MIA the whole weekend. She returns this past Monday morning, 10 mins after I am to be at work, so we dont have to talk..
She doesnt know that I left a VAR before I left for work...
I come home and she doesnt want to talk or anything and we pretty much keep our distance from each other.
I go into work Tues and start listening to the VAR recordings.. She is talking to her friend Mary about how things went meeting some guy named Adaim in a Jeep and how he's cute. I guess Mary, her friend, ask a question about what she told him because she replies "No I told him the truth that I going thru a divorce. But he's divorced so he undertsands". She then proceeds to go on about how great this is and how her whole life is about to change and he is making this possible and how she almost has her new place all worked out...
I heard enough and went home and ask her again to sit down and lets talk but she needs to be honest with me. I ask her the same questions as before and she jumps up and says again "I'm not doing this ****! I'll just leave!!" to which I replied "I think you should then!!"
She blew up my phone that night and next day but only about wanting stuff she left behind and I wouldnt reply at all.
She starts making threats that she will have me arrested if I dont give her rest of her things. I finally respond that I dont want her things and she can have them but its best we dont see each other or even talk right now. She was livid of course.
A couple of days go by this week and she text again wanting her things. I tell her that perhaps she can come by today and get them but there is to be no discussion at all. I ask to speak with our son and she's not with him of course so he cant talk to me.. I ask her to have him call when he can and never hear another word.
Now I am starting to worry should I allow her and her GF to come by apt today or not... I orginally was going to ask a friend to come be with me, just so I would have a witness but he had literally a real family emergency and can't.
I am afraid she and her friend can say or do anthing and its two vs one. Like start taking anything she wants, and if I try to stop her, she calls police and lies. Moving forward I want things to be normal as possible without the drama since we have to get her the rest of her things and we have to see each other to exchange our son and deal with issues of school, etc. that have to be resolved now we arent together but I just dont want to have to deal with her at all right now!
Just not sure what to do and could really use some good advice please....
I called and the police said they would prefer to stay out of domestic civil situations unless there was a problem, and since there hasnt been yet, ......
Bet it would be different if I was a woman calling and asking...
Anyway, I just dont think I need to let them and see if we can make it a time when I have someone there to witness. She will throw a fit and threaten everything in the book and I would like to be able to trust her enough to just let her come get her stuff she left but I feel I just cant at the moment...
I called and the police said they would prefer to stay out of domestic civil situations unless there was a problem, and since there hasnt been yet, ......
Bet it would be different if I was a woman calling and asking...
Not true. I'm married to a cop. My best friend tried to get my husband to arrange for the cops to be there when she moved out (she's divorced now). He said he couldn't as his hands were tied. They simply are not allowed to get involved in civil matters. They will however come once it becomes a disturbance.
Not true. I'm married to a cop. My best friend tried to get my husband to arrange for the cops to be there when she moved out (she's divorced now). He said he couldn't as his hands were tied. They simply are not allowed to get involved in civil matters. They will however come once it becomes a disturbance.
Yep thats what the police said too.
I hoping to avoid a disturbance at all cost. Think I am going to just tell her to come another day when I can have someone there to witness. She will yell and curse me and threaten everything under the sun, but I think I will just go back to NC until I can arrange a day with a witness.
She's a lost soul and deserves absolutely no sympathy (you already know that).
DO NOT BE ALONE when she comes to get her stuff.
If you end up alone for whatever reason, make sure you video-tape the whole thing. Buy one or two handheld video recorders ($50) and record their every move.
I know this sounds over the top, but your wife is a crazy wh0re and I know how easily she can push the right buttons to make you want to kill yourself. It's their survival tool. To drive people to the edge to get what they want.
Stay calm and friendly (as you already stated you want to).
You NEED her out of your life. You have allowed her (your fault entirely) to take away your sanity and balls. Time to stop the madness.
Santa, I'm sorry, but somewhat happy for you. This woman was waaaaaay below your league level. You deserve a lot better. Consider your kindness to her a work of charity and move on.
Read the links in my signature. They will help you immensely.
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Santa Needs help: Calling Syn!! 
