08-05-2012, 01:05 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
| | Divorce and a spouse with Bi-Polar
I am currently in the process of divorcing my husband who has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder. Over the past year, we tried everything (i.e counseling,seperating,etc). Nothing seemed to be working. He also had an extremely avoidant type personality when it came to communication which didn't make it any easier. I spent nights alone after we would have an argument and he would just shut down, leave, turn his phone off, go out who knows where/with who. Only to either come home late, drunk and/or not at all. I also found out that he had been going to gay clubs and when I brought up the topic of sexuality he would get irate and disregard it all. I tried to be as patient, non-judgemental and understanding as I could but it was like every fiber in my body was telling me to 'run for the hills'. There was a time during one of his manic states that he went out all night came home, locked a door and when i unlocked the door and it hit him he called the police on me (thankfully the truth came out and it was dismissed), but it could have potentially ruined my future plans for career advancement. Needless to say after a year of an absolute rollarcoaster I put my foot down. I told my husband that if this out of control behavior/avoidant behavior didn't stop I was going to leave, he said,"i will do everything to make this work, I love you more than anything". Of course, two days later another incident. I finally told him I was moving out and he checked himself into a behavior health unit. We decided to move forward together when he was discharged and no more than 4 days later the same events were occuring, I finally told him "I don't want to be married any longer, I love you, however I cannot go on with my life this way. It's physically and mentally draining." He checked himself into another unit and for some reason I'm still left with this small glint of guilt. I know it is not my fault for his behavior but I cannot be with a partner who I have to 'mommy'. My job transition that will take place within the next year will involve alot of time away and I can't be worried about this emotional turmoil spiral like I have been going through the past year. I need to move on and focus on my happiness because I have been spending the last year taking care/trying to understand and accomodate his. My question is, has anyone had this small sense of guilt once they have left a partner with BPD?