toolforgrowth

My STBXW and I have been separated since January. D filed in April, and it's moving along nicely. She had an affair after we separated, and to my knowledge is still seeing the OM.

When I found out, I went dark. Been going to counseling, working on myself, yadda yadda. Reconnected with an old almost flame from high school in May, started dating, really into each other, now we're exclusive, and things are going along really well.

Fast forward to two days ago. My girlfriend gets a friend request on Facebook from someone; I'll call her Jane Williams (I made that name up at random). GF has no idea who this person is. She looks at the account details, and sees that Jane Williams is "married" to a person named "Jeff" ("Jeff" is the name of my STBXW's little brother, who I am very close to). "Williams" is the last name of a mutual friend of ours who used to date "Jeff" and works with my STBXW (she is my friend much more than by STBXW's at this point). The FB account is practically brand new. The profile pic is the only pic on the account. The coincidences in names are too hard to ignore.

My GF doesn't accept the request but sends a message back: "Do I know you?" Later that day, the account is GONE. Nowhere to be found. Completely deactivated.

My gut tells me it was my STBXW under a fake account trying to spy on my GF. As part of discovery for her child support suit, I had to cough up my FB wall over a month ago. I blocked my STBXW months ago, which I'm sure is why she asked for it. There was nothing there of value; just pics of me and my kids and random jokes between me and my high school friends.

Since then, I have changed my relationship status to "In a relationship" from "Single." I'm now wondering if STBXW saw that from this possible fake account, found out I'm dating this particular woman through a mutual friend and/or through my daughter (I didn't tell her I was dating, but that I do have a friend named "Lynn" and we email pictures of food back and forth; we both like to cook and so we email pics of our edible creations to each other all the time).

If it was my STBXW, I'm curious as to why she would do this. That's pretty ballsy; to friend request my GF? She's the one who wanted to separate; she's the one who had the affair. Once I found out, I kicked divorce into high gear and moved on and never looked back. What would she possibly have to gain by doing this?

Dadwithtwolittlegirls

Another reason I say FB is evil.

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Jason

toolforgrowth

FB is merely a tool. It depends on the intentions and actions of the user that make it good or bad.

FB is wonderful to me. That's how I was able to reconnect with my GF. She lives 60 miles away, so FB is our primary means of contact when we don't see each other.

jdlash

Change that primary means of contact to skype or something. It's easier to get into a conversation and you can wipe out all data at any time.

toolforgrowth

I just don't understand why after all this time (8 months) she's starting to care about what I'm doing. She didn't give a fig a few months ago. Now she's apparently spying on my GF. She's the one who told me "I think you need to learn to live without me." Okay, so I did. She went to all this trouble...for what?

It just doesn't make any sense to me.
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Dadwithtwolittlegirls

She must be doubting her own choices?

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Jason

toolforgrowth

I suppose it's possible. I was just honestly surprised. My GF on the other hand didn't seem surprised at all. She thought it was funny! I found me a good one.

I wonder if this is only the beginning...
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MWD

Who cares why? You have moved on, right? This is not uncommon. She has established herself as the one in control. She had the affair, she made you unhappy, and she was in control of how you feel. Now someone has stepped on her territory and is a part of your happiness. So now she feels the need to gain that control back. Not by getting back with you, but getting responses from/out of you. Ignore her, move on with your life. You are better off without her.

-MWD

aug

Your stbxw has been through the divorce route once before. She knows the game. She's probably trying to get more info from you to come out ahead in this current divorce of hers.

toolforgrowth

She hasn't gotten a response out of me, I haven't said one word to her about it. I've gone dark, and have been dark for a while. As dark as I can be with our daughter in the picture at any rate.

This seems like a highly plausible scenario. I firmly believe that I'm better off without her, but I am somewhat concerned that she might take further steps to try and "re-establish" her territory over my happiness. She has tried numerous things in the past; dressing sexy and dousing herself in body spray when she has to see me in person is her most recent tactic...didn't work one bit. Now she has escalated her game to this. It has me on my guard somewhat.
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EleGirl

" As part of discovery for her child support suit, I had to cough up my FB wall over a month ago. "

Wow, what did they think they would get out of that?

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toolforgrowth

I think the reasons were twofold:

1) To see if I had posted anything incriminating against myself that could be used in court (which I didn't);

2) To spy on me because she wanted to know what I was doing. I'm sure that's how she found out I was dating someone. I've had her blocked for months, and I think she couldn't pass up this opportunity to see what I've been up to. She can't force me to unblock her, but she can force me to cough up my wall for her attorney.
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Dadwithtwolittlegirls

This woman is psycho...

She doesn't want you but doesn't want you to have anyone else.. WTF?

You seem to be the one with your head on straight and she is going in circles.

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Jason

toolforgrowth

Thanks, Sad. From the very beginning she wanted to separate only, not divorce. I was the one who pushed D. I was plan B. When things with her and the OM eventually died I think she still wanted me as an option. I took that away from her.

I wasn't happy with her for a while, and she knew it. The writing was on the wall. She has lost all control over the situation; she's reacting to my legal actions, reacting to my NC, reacting to my moving on. I'm in the driver's seat. This kind of ploy of trying to friend my GF on FB reeks of desperation and insecurity. Thank God my GF has a sense of humor, we laughed about it. Lol

Sometimes I think my w is psycho, but other times I think she just has a really low self esteem. Me essentially kicking her to the curb has gotta hurt.
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Dadwithtwolittlegirls

Sounds like she is gonna make this a nasty fight... maybe you should see about going on Divorce Court and let the rest of the country see in instability...

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Jason