Bronco19

Still a lot of work to do on the Mr. Nice Guy reform.

06Daddio08

I never read it.

My break through moment was when I started to make my boundaries clear.

With a simple saying a friend would cram down my throat.

"I'm not okay with that."

Bronco19

Yeah, i get it, said not ok with her a lot last year when work was kicking my ass, she is not used to someone saying that to her bc in her words she always gets what she wants and takes anything else as not caring.

Orpheus

Boundaries are THE KEY. When i discovered that was when i could start to turn the ship around.

Bronco, your story makes me sick. i mean physically ill. it's like staring into the blender of my previous few months. there are fewer things less understandable than going from planning all your tomorrows with somebody and realizing that they aren't using your calendar anymore.

Something a best friend said to me that shook me to the core was, "maybe she's not the woman you think she is."

codependency is an EVIL mistress. you were married to an idea of a woman.

it gets better. until it does it feels like chewing on glass. you'll have plenty of friends here though, as many of us are fighting similar issues.

06Daddio08

And in your words you feel life shouldn't work like that.

So what's the issue here?

Bronco19

I think orpheus put it well, starting to realize the idea is not reality, doesn't make the glass any easier to chew.

06Daddio08

He didn't say it would be easy.

He said you would be chewing on glass until you got to the point where you take control and decide you don't want to chew on glass anymore.

Orpheus

fwiw, it took me about a month from sobbing every day and wondering about my precious little jewel to today where i haven't returned her phone call for three days.

i'm still jacked but i'm continuing to work on self esteem and bricking up my codependency issues. and if you can hack it, the absolutely best thing to do is to go out and be with friends as much as possible. get out of your head and the poisonous wonderland of yesteryear.

Bronco19

Thanks to all of you for some much needed perspective.

coachman

Bronco-

There is only one path to take at this point and you are getting great advice.

She doesn't want to be with you. She's a quitter. She is thinking black and white "I've never been happy" "I was never truly in love" and on and on..

All typical WAW bullsh1t.

You need to mentally prepare to let her go and that includes excepting that she has probably been having at least an EA for months. Maybe PA as well.

The other thing to understand is that you guys are in two different places emotionally. She has been detaching for months/years. You are just starting a journey that she has been on for a long time.

Hope is your biggest enemy at this point. Put it to bed. To truly do it is one of the hardest things you will ever do. But you must.

You must prepare to move on mentally, physically and spiritually. Start thinking about how you will react when you go dark and she attempts to real you back in. You will most likely see a push pull dynamic of some kind and it will play tricks on your mind if you don't anticipate and learn how to recognize it.

Research and learn about the drama triangle.

Take a deep dive into codependency and how to survive it.

Remember.. "I'm not okay with that"

Read and follow Conrad's advice.

Read Mavash's posts for perspective on the other side of things.

Know that it's much easier to give advice and perspective on someone else story and situation as it is on our own. Almost everyone here struggles with the same things you will be trying to implement and everyone has setbacks. It's not if, but when.

Unfortunately this rambling is just scratching the surface of the journey you have just begun. It's gut wrenching stuff and you will experience every emotion you never thought possible and the pain will repeat and repeat until you make changes. Real changes. You won't get it now, but you will soon.

You were just dealt a joker from the bottom of the deck and it's up to you on how to play the hand.

Recognize your faults, shortcomings and mistakes of the past and own them. Own them, forgive yourself and move on. Only then will the real healing begin.

You are not alone and although your situation is unique to you...many many parts and themes are the same that so many of us have and are still going through. So many of the concepts you will hear are simple to grasp but will seem impossible to master. Keep at it.

Chances are, this will end in divorce. Except it. But also understand the path to R and to you healing are the exact same. It's counter intuitive but true. The quickest way to get her back is to let her go and focus on you. The quickest way of healing yourself is to let her go and focus on you. Just remember that hope is your enemy. Give defiant people what they want. This is a wake up call and it's happening for a reason. Take advantage and start seeing it as a blessing. Start thinking about the positives. You may not see them now...ok you won't see them now but you will in time.

Welcome aboard.

donkler

Print this thread out a plaster it all over town.

I wish I read this 2 years ago, but even if I had I wouldn't have beleived a word, nobody new to this would.

The replies to OP are BANG ON THE BUTTON

Perfect in my case a "Nice guy" with a woman who surrounds herself with people who kiss her arse

06Daddio08

Just remember this.

Acknowledging that you have a nice guy problem is good.

Knowing you no longer want to treat yourself that way.

Is better.
Posted via Mobile Device

Runs like Dog

I will never understand why this is a 'thing'. Why people think they need some dramatic precipitating event to go their separate ways.

__________________
fight back