08-09-2012, 12:41 AM
Join Date: Jan 2012
| | Re: Classic WAW
There is only one path to take at this point and you are getting great advice.
She doesn't want to be with you. She's a quitter. She is thinking black and white "I've never been happy" "I was never truly in love" and on and on..
All typical WAW bullsh1t.
You need to mentally prepare to let her go and that includes excepting that she has probably been having at least an EA for months. Maybe PA as well.
The other thing to understand is that you guys are in two different places emotionally. She has been detaching for months/years. You are just starting a journey that she has been on for a long time.
Hope is your biggest enemy at this point. Put it to bed. To truly do it is one of the hardest things you will ever do. But you must.
You must prepare to move on mentally, physically and spiritually. Start thinking about how you will react when you go dark and she attempts to real you back in. You will most likely see a push pull dynamic of some kind and it will play tricks on your mind if you don't anticipate and learn how to recognize it.
Research and learn about the drama triangle.
Take a deep dive into codependency and how to survive it.
Remember.. "I'm not okay with that"
Read and follow Conrad's advice.
Read Mavash's posts for perspective on the other side of things.
Know that it's much easier to give advice and perspective on someone else story and situation as it is on our own. Almost everyone here struggles with the same things you will be trying to implement and everyone has setbacks. It's not if, but when.
Unfortunately this rambling is just scratching the surface of the journey you have just begun. It's gut wrenching stuff and you will experience every emotion you never thought possible and the pain will repeat and repeat until you make changes. Real changes. You won't get it now, but you will soon.
You were just dealt a joker from the bottom of the deck and it's up to you on how to play the hand.
Recognize your faults, shortcomings and mistakes of the past and own them. Own them, forgive yourself and move on. Only then will the real healing begin.
You are not alone and although your situation is unique to you...many many parts and themes are the same that so many of us have and are still going through. So many of the concepts you will hear are simple to grasp but will seem impossible to master. Keep at it.
Chances are, this will end in divorce. Except it. But also understand the path to R and to you healing are the exact same. It's counter intuitive but true. The quickest way to get her back is to let her go and focus on you. The quickest way of healing yourself is to let her go and focus on you. Just remember that hope is your enemy. Give defiant people what they want. This is a wake up call and it's happening for a reason. Take advantage and start seeing it as a blessing. Start thinking about the positives. You may not see them now...ok you won't see them now but you will in time.