going through a tough time - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-30-2009, 12:35 PM Thread Starter
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going through a tough time

Hello I have never posted in a fourm like this in my life, but here goes.

My girlfirend of 4 years co-habaited for most of those four years. So not really a marrige but it was expcet for the paper an the ring left. We had lived in 3 diffrent sates in three diffrent years eveything was great for the first two. We met on the internet and she lived in a diffrent state than me. She came to see me a couple of times and then we moved in with me.

Like I said the first two years were great then we decided that we were going to move back to her home sate since she missed her family ect. I decided to make this life chaning descion and up root my life.

She is kinda a recluse and only has a socal life on the internet with people she has only seen in real life a couple of times, but that is her whole life around the second year she was talking on the internet all the time and prpetty much ignoring me this bothered me and I was no means a Saint at this time. I am terrible at communicating the way I feel. The thing is evey time I tired to talk to her she would shut down ignore it or get very angry. She never liked to hear that I was upset or something was bothering me.

So any how she deicded she was going to go on a tirp. To vist one of her female firends online, I said ok but was kinda jelous casue she had lost interst in me and was giving the hints of wanting to spereate. So she went away for a week, We only had one computer at the time so I was on her's and got a message from somone a male about if she was going to see him. So I got curious and went thourgh her converastion logs. I had no reason not to turst her beofre this and think that this was the wrong thing to do.

I see all types of conversation some sexual in nautre and talking about how she is attraicted to some co workers ect, and really bad mouthing me in the snese that she was like oh eh is sick I have to freaking deal with him, and talking about how oh no he is almost home ect. So she comes back though thankfully thorough the logs I don't think she actually cheated on me but I have no clue. I packed all her stuff pciked her up from the air port and said I wanted her gone.

She gets mad at me a yells at me, though I could not understand why. I told her I am transrfring to the sate where my Dad lives and so on. She says she loves me and wantes to be with me so we kinda reconcile and she comes with me.

We go to a that diffrent state and things are getting better untill she wants to go to an internet get togther with some online firend. I did not want her to go but I never said anything I had lost all turst in her.

She goes and comes back and that is when I can pinpoint the loss of our sex life. We lived togther for a year she said it was beacuase she had gained weight and was a confindnce issue. Which I know does happen but I think she was cheating on me or had at least lost feelings. We had our ups and downs and then when it was time to renew the lease she says she is moving back to her Mom's to find herslef I fgure it is over she says she will be gone for a while and then want to come back and get married.

So she leavse I can't afford the place alone so Moved back in with my retired partents trying to start over.

At first she would text me I miss you every night and such.
Then it has become more sledom and when I try to mesg her on windows live she is allways to busy talkign to her friends.

She says we are a couple but I am feeling the pain of a loss. So i kee trying to open up and comminucate she said she did not like that I was so closed off ect,and not abel to comminucate.

So for about a week I have been trying to get her to talk and she has been very mean to me about it. She says that we can't talk about feelings or sex (she showed me she got some new toys ect). Though I never pushed the sex thing. So finally last night I sent her a long e-mail that said bascily I need to know whats up and offerd if we were to get back cousouling or if she wanted to break off.

I think she has feelings for someone else but why she will not tell me I have no clue that would make things easier.

Thank you for your time.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-30-2009, 12:46 PM
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Re: going through a tough time

Sorry to hear you are going through this. It is not you that didn’t communicate, it was her. She threw a barrier up by hiding behind the internet friends as her communications line. She is very insecure and in my opinion immature. She forces you to live around her life and her rules. As hard as it may be for you, write her another email saying you are done. End all communication and move on and find someone who better fits your needs. As long as she continues this pattern you will never find peace or trust in the relationship. Sorry

Amp

Confidence Love Patience Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp

Last edited by Amplexor; 04-30-2009 at 03:25 PM.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-30-2009, 12:52 PM
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Re: going through a tough time

You are flogging a dead horse! Move on to someone simple. You are showing signs of developing doormat tendencies.

MT

Last edited by MarkTwain; 04-30-2009 at 01:23 PM.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-30-2009, 01:29 PM
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Re: going through a tough time

A.C
She seems to get all she needs from internet friends , Can you really see yourself spending the rest of your lifes together. you dont communicate you dont make love ...

I think its time to think of yourself and move on , you do deserve to have someone who loves and wants to talk and spend time with you .. your clearly not getting that ,

Not looking back again
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-30-2009, 03:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: going through a tough time

Thank you all for your kind words. I know the best thing to do is move on however that is the hard part =). Yes I allways felt I was living by her rules and needs that hit the nail on the head.

I have never been a doormatt beofre but I was becoming on I did not even realzie that. It's amazing how telling my story made me feel better.
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