melissa68

Hi all!
I hope some of you will remember me. I've been so crazy busy the last few months but in a good way. I've missed so many updates though and am ready to do some catching up.
If you remember I was debating whether or not I should me myself and my boys to Carson City....11 hours from where I lived. Well everything seemed to be falling in to place telling me to do it and I did...we moved the day after I graduated from college (I even did the ceremony which I wasent going to thinking it would be silly at my age). We got here late Sat and I started my new job on Monday! Talk about everything being fast moving. It was good though...gave me no time to think about things and if they were right or wrong or this or that. It took about a month for us to find the place we wanted to live...stayed with my sister during that time...spent the next few weeks picking out furniture and decorating our new place. I tried to be friendly with my stbxh and sent him some short emails stating we had gotten here....the kids were good etc. His only response was that I didnt give him a chance to see his son before he left...
My job is going amazing....I love it so much...can't believe I've been there three months now. It feels so good to be supporting myself and my boys and not making decisions based on financial need for the first time in my life.
My little ones birthday was just two weeks ago...he turned 5. A week before that I had emailed my stbxh and told him I was filing with all the things we had agreed on. The day before my sons bday he msgd back and said "don't file. I love and miss HIM so much" Wow didnt think he could find a way to hurt me any more but that did it. There is nothing I wanted more for the last almost 7 months than to hear he made a mistake...that he wanted to put our family back together and when he says "dont file" its because he is missing his son....jerk.
I did file...I have to go back on Weds and finish...then send him the paperwork. He'll have 20 days to respond and if not then we'll be divorced. There is still a part of me that wishes he would truly feel he made a mistake. I miss being a part of a "we". But most of me realizes he was a cheating lying jerk and what I miss was the part that he was "playing"...not the real person....

By the way, it is amazingly beautiful up here! And it's so nice to have people who like to be around me and appreciate what I do...still have no interest in dating or any of that but maybe some day. Right now I'm enjoying bonding with my family and being a 'career' girl and just learning about me again.

Conrad

Melissa,

You've taken the first step into a larger world.

Congratulations to you.

Well done.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

melissa68

Thank you Conrad. It really does feel amazing....I jumped off the cliff and I landed on my feet not my....uh....behind.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about him but I don't call, I don't beg....I don't put any of my value on what he thinks any more and thats huge.

How are you doing? I've so missed keeping up with everyone

sadwithouthim

Way to go Melissa. I am so proud of you. I am very happy for your progress.

Just curious. What's the difference if he signs the papers or not if the divorce will be final regardless in 20 days?
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Conrad

It won't take long to catch up.

Everybody's blog is hundreds of posts in length

I'm doing well. Thanks for asking.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

melissa68

Hi sadwithouthim,

I filed here in Nevada and I have to serve him....which I am doing on Weds...once I do that he has 20 days to respond....if he responds by filing with the court then he will have to come up here and we will have to go to court and all that goes with that. If he doesnt respond....lets the 20 days go by without filing a response, then its a default divorce and will just go through.
I'm keeping my fingers and toes and everything else crossed he just does that. I emailed him prior and told him everything I was asking for in the divorce....he agreed it was fair so we'll see if he sticks to that.

melissa68

Well I should be done tonite then! haha

sadwithouthim

Good luck. Still so proud of how far you've gone.
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melissa68

Thank you sad! You know what? I am too...I still have too many days that I wish he would just "wake up" and realize what he gave up but I know thats not going to happen and more importantly I'm about 75% sure "I" wouldnt let that happen because he's destructive and abusive and my boys and I are so much more peaceful without that around us. That percentage goes up more and more.....hoping for 100% someday!

synthetic

Very proud of you Melissa.

If you don't want to bother reading all the updates, here's the summary:

Everyone's either getting separated, divorced or back together.

__________________
"Selflessness is just a lofty word for codependency, and it's dysfunctional" - Shari Shreiber

DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?

YinPrincess

Congrats! Thanks for posting such an inspiring and uplifting thread!!
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canguy66

Oh man... that made me smile.

Melissa - great to hear you're doing better. The independence and strength you've achieved is an inspiration to TAM members.

__________________
“The sun always rises, and you never know what the tide will bring in.” - from Cast Away

unsure78

Hey Melissa glad to see you back

melissa68

Awww you're so sweet to take the time to update me! lol

melissa68

Missed everyone! Next week the kiddos start school so I might "just might" be able to squeeze in a few mins to myself. lol

So how are you???