sadwithouthim

Is there a book about this? I thought i have seen others mention something about a recommended book on this topic. If so what is it and the concept behind it?
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TBT

There is a book "Boundaries" by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.It covers the 10 laws of boundaries.I don't know if that is what you're looking for,but I also think they wrote a book where they apply the laws to marriage.

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"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis

sadwithouthim

Thank you for your reply. So its about boundaries in a marriage? I was looking more for setting up my own with a stbxh. Like tips on how and what i actually should be doing. I guess kind of an expansion to the 180 i guess and how to do it with kids.
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TBT

You're welcome.If you google The Ten Laws Of Boundaries it should take you to fallforward.wordpress. In there you'll find the 10 laws and a description on what they are and how you can apply them in your life and not just marriage in particular.I just came across them recently and find they make a lot of sense.

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"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis

sadwithouthim

Thanks....i will take a look. May be what Starting Over wrote on my thread.
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TBT

I have followed your thread and I truly feel bad for you and what you're going through.I hope you find even a little bit of help and direction when you read them.Take care.

__________________
"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis

sadwithouthim

Thank you so much for your kind words. I truly appreciate them. I tried to get out with my son today but i am struggling a lot today. I just want to move on now. I was feeling a bit insecure about things with myself today and really beating myself up about everything about myself. I dont want to do that any more.
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TBT

Yeah,its good for you not to beat yourself up,because there's no reason you should!You've had 18 or more months of heartache,depression,insecurity,doubt and sadness.It's time to start finding happiness again.These years are a fleeting thing in our lives when we have kids so i hope you start to make the best of yours and enjoy them.As an aside and knowing you and your son love hockey,I posted a pic of my son and I with the Cup.Check it out when you have a moment.

__________________
"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis

Orpheus

Sad, generally when people invoke boundaries here it is as a subset of codependency. I'm sure you may be able to find specifics about boundaries but I suggest you start with some more foundation based material that looks at self esteem and communication.
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sadwithouthim

Love the picture. I'll have to dig mine up and post it. I think my hubby's in it with me though.

sadwithouthim

I agree with what you are saying. I'm sure my codependency resulted from low self esteem in certain areas but I think the low self esteem is manifesting in areas where it was NOT before like appearances. He's just done a number on me. I wish I could give him a book on communication.

I guess what I was looking for is some sort of guidlines so I can maintain my distance without being considered a b*@ch. Something that would clearly state what I should be doing and what I shouldn't. It sounds like I just need some good common sense, I know, but hard when you are walking around distraught and depressed. My brain just doesn't seem to work right. It's like this other person inside me takes over.

Thanks for the suggestions. I guess it's just going to take a while to build my self esteem back up.

sadwithouthim

I'm not sure what you are referring to when I google the above. When you have a moment can you pm me the link that you are referring to? I don't think we are aloud to post it here right?

Thank you so much for your help.

Orpheus

Sad, that thresher that mulches any sense of normalcy is called Trauma. Crazy how you can't make simple decisions or remember something somebody told you a few minutes ago. You are a shell of your former self. The good news is that eventually dulls down. Go ahead and make mistakes. Come here and ask the same thing over and over... It's ok. We understand.

Comport yourself not how your impulses guide you but as you imagine your healthy self six months from now would advise you. You can't control how somebody interprets you. All you can do is protect yourself and live honestly.
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