I have been married for 17 years and my husband came to me six months ago and told me that he didn't think he wanted to be married any more. He said there was no one else, he just wanted to be able to do his own thing. I was devastated. I know that I handled some things the wrong way during this time, but I was so desperate to save our marriage that I was willing to do whatever. Needless to say, it didn't work. He told me earlier in the week that he talked with his family and he has definitely decided that he is going to leave me and our son. He moved some of his stuff out yesterday. I am completely devastated. I have never lived on my own and I hate to be alone more than anything in the world, always have. I know everyone keeps saying that it will get better and that I am stronger than I think, but right now I just keep asking myself how he could not love me any more. What is wrong with me that he fell out of love? It's like a nightmare.
After 16 years my wife did exactly the same thing 5 weeks ago. Left me the girls and was off "to be free"
I did the begging thing, I did the love letters, I sent her flowers.
None of that worked.
You need to just let him be, do not contact him. If you do make sure it is only short and too the point.
From this day forward get a calendar. Write on it the days he calls you, the days he asked to see your son, any payments he has made to you for your son. Document, document, document.
If possible have him contact you on your cell phone ( with a call recorder added), by e-mail ( always make sure there is a response to any questions you ask of him) or by text.
You will need these in court as to proof of what he is doing for your son.
Talk to your doctor if you are having a hard time coping. I am on anti-depressants that have made a word of difference.
The hardest part will be sleeping and eating. I had a hard time eating so i ate bagels with a LOT of peanut butter to get protein. Eat some apples and STAY AWAY FROM BOOZE.
I have coped by sleeping with the TV on for background noise. That has helped a ton.
Rearrange your bed room so it is difference from when he was there. Small changes help you to not concentrate on the fact he is not there.
Go to the courthouse and get the paperwork for custody and child support NOW. Fill them out and see if you can get legal aid. Have them look over your paperwork. File soon as it will take many months to get into court to get him you sole custody and child support. If needed file a temporary order that will get you and immediate order to cover you until court.
Trust me... do this now and he will know you are serious. You do not have to do a separation agreement yet but you need to have him paying and you custody.
Any payments he makes should be in a way that can be tracked. Do not get cash unless he signs something. Get him to give you a check.
I am telling you this because I felt so much better about myself when I took control of the situation. Right now he is in control and you don't have any self-worth. The only way to break through is to take control. It will show him you mean business and will make him decide if this is really what he wants to do.
Right now he can do whatever he wants because no one is making him think about his actions.
Stop thinking with you are and think with your brain. It took me 4 weeks to break out of this. One day she pissed me off enough that I said enough is enough. What i really should have done was to do this the very first day after she left. So far my ex has had a 5 week party that is going to come crashing down on top of her soon.
Think about your son and your future.
To make life easier I had my ex meet us at a neutral park. I park at one end and she parked at the other. My children could run from my vehicle to hers. I don't have to speak to her or be in vocal distance. I found that easier to deal with. I would not have him come to the house.
Make sure you SET the time he will see your son and when he will be picked up, and where he is dropped off and picked up.. Do this by e-mail and have him respond. You are the parent in charge now. Takes control. He can not make the decisions for you and your boy now. You do.. you set the rules.
Remember that he abandoned you and your son. He needs to understand the implications of his decision.
I don't see why either of you have to let your children see the parent who abandoned them.
I feel so bad for both of you, what a terrible ordeal. I don't understand some people, I really don't. To me, when you walk out on your family you do exactly that --- walk out on them. That means you don't get to hang out with them anymore at all.
I don't see why either of you have to let your children see the parent who abandoned them.
I feel so bad for both of you, what a terrible ordeal. I don't understand some people, I really don't. To me, when you walk out on your family you do exactly that --- walk out on them. That means you don't get to hang out with them anymore at all.
if a husband and wife get divorced, they get divorced from each other. And one of them might leave the 'marital home.'
Dont call leaving, abandonment. Abandonment is when someone doesnt come home and never tells anyone they are leaving.
Excluding abuse, there is no reason to stop a parent having access to their child, even if they leave the home.
I think that is petty and malevolent and it harms the parent(s) AND the child, and I find it sickening that people justify using children as pawns in the war against the ex's.
Give him space and time - the grass isn't always greenr. I made the mistake of chasing my WAF - wish id have left alone, think we wud be back together now
it is a legal right in Canada.. the only thing I can do is to gain sole custody so that I am responsible for the medical,education and welfare of the children.
If i get sole custody she won't even be able to pick the kids up from school without my authorization.
My husband is demanding totally equal visitation, even though he is the one who walked out and left us. I think this takes a lot of nerve on his part because he is just trying to set a schedule where he sees our son when he wants to. He called our house numerous times last night to speak with our son and it really bothers me because I want it to be fair, but not necessarily equal visitation. I know I have to file for primary custody and child support. Any other ideas? This is all completely new to me.
My husband is demanding totally equal visitation, even though he is the one who walked out and left us. I think this takes a lot of nerve on his part because he is just trying to set a schedule where he sees our son when he wants to. He called our house numerous times last night to speak with our son and it really bothers me because I want it to be fair, but not necessarily equal visitation. I know I have to file for primary custody and child support. Any other ideas? This is all completely new to me.
This is about your husband and his relationship with your son. Why wouldnt he want to spend an equal amount of time with him? He's divorcing you not your child. Posted via Mobile Device
I talked to my husband on the phone today and asked if I should go ahead and proceed with all of the legal documents for the separation, child support, etc. He said he couldn't tell me how long he would need to be separated or even if he will want to come back eventually, but he told me that he thought I should hold off. Of course, that's what I desperately wanted to hear, but at the same time, how can I just sit and wait? We don't have a lot of money right now and to file the legal separation, etc. will cost us, but do I really have a choice? Sitting and waiting seems impossibly unfair to me, especially if the end result is going to be that he tells me that he is gone for good.
Of course he wants you to hold off! Having an agreement or order will stop him from calling all the shots. You need to go see an attorney, NOW. His walking out of the marriage is unrelated to custody of children and the courts pretty much don't pay much attention as to why a marriage fell apart. He does not have the right to run your household when he walked out, so the multiple phone calls are too much. Have an arranged time for goodnight calls. After that, don't answer the phone. I know its hard, but he has no right to string you along, or control you.
He's being a cake-eater, not wanting to be married, not wanting to push for a D. Buck up, girl. He is not on your side right now. Do not take his unwillingness to file as an indication that he might want to R.
if a husband and wife get divorced, they get divorced from each other. And one of them might leave the 'marital home.'
Dont call leaving, abandonment. Abandonment is when someone doesnt come home and never tells anyone they are leaving.
Excluding abuse, there is no reason to stop a parent having access to their child, even if they leave the home.
I think that is petty and malevolent and it harms the parent(s) AND the child, and I find it sickening that people justify using children as pawns in the war against the ex's.
hey look it's an abandoner defending other abandoners. Cute. Maybe the not the most appropriate place to advocate idiots who decide that they'll stop being part of their family though.
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My husband left yesterday 
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