Encouraging spouse to read

al_in_al · 05-04-2009, 09:14 AM

My husband hates to read. I love to read and have read a couple books recently to help improve our relationship if he ever decides to come back and work on it - "Five Love Languages" and "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". I think he would benefit from reading these too, it would help him understand that our needs are different and what those needs might be.

He hates being told what to do (by me and probably by the authors!), and if I suggested he read these books he probably would get a little angry, be put off, whatever. It would not be a good reaction.

The books have been on my nightstand and I believe he read the titles when he was visiting. He did not comment on them or ask me about them.

"The Five Love Languages" inspired me to write a short letter to him. I'd like for him to at least read the letter, which I know he would do.

I'm going out of town for the weekend and he will be taking care of our pets. Do you think it would be a good idea to leave the book (5LL, the other has to go back to the library) and the letter where he will see it? That way he can read the letter and take the book if he wants to. The letter does not ask him to read the book.

Or should I accept that he doesn't want to work on things now, and I risk pushing him away with any relationship talk whatsoever?

827Aug · 05-05-2009, 05:50 AM

I faced the same problem when my soon to be ex moved out last year. He wasn't interested in saving the marriage and therefore wouldn't even read the books. It will depend on your husband's mindset I guess. Go ahead and try your approach. It certainly can't hurt.

al_in_al · 05-05-2009, 08:23 AM

Thanks 827Aug - I was hoping to hear from you. You kept recommending 5LL to everyone, so I finally bought it and read it, and really liked it. I'm not surprised that your husband didn't read it. I'm pretty sure mine won't, unless he is really interested in my letter and realizes he can get an audiobook.

I am definitely leaving the letter and a second one my therapist encouraged me to write to help get my needs met. I just hope that leaving the book out too doesn't seem too demanding.

Blanca · 05-05-2009, 02:24 PM

My H is the same way. hates to read and will never read anything on his own. I used to try and push it on him, but once i was reading and he asked me what it was about, and i told him it was personal. after that, whenever he walked in, id shut the book and put it away. he became very curious.

i dont talk to him about what i read anymore. i talk to others and he gets jealous when he finds out. then he practically harrases me to find out. lol. but i just tell him i couldnt possibly share those kinds of personal things with someone who is only half way interested. seems to work better. plus he see's how different i am and he's curious.

827Aug · 05-05-2009, 10:34 PM

Oh, my estranged husband reads plenty. He actually reads more than I do. It's just that he doesn't read self-help books! My point is this; whether he reads the book depends on if he WANTS to salvage the marriage. By the time I read "The Five Love Language", my husband had already checked out of our marriage. A friend took my advice and read the book. She really liked the book, so she bought the men's version of the book for her husband. You might check out the men's version for your hubby.