StillRemains

Dusty, your story sounds so similar to mine. My STBXH is even still wearing his wedding ring whenever I see him. I'm sure he puts it on before he knows he'll see me or the kids. I also can't find evidence of OW but I'm actually almost positive there IS one. I can't believe for a minute that he'd just throw it all away and leave me and his kids over anything else.

But how do we find out? My STBXH is trying to get me to agree to some terms in divorce that would not be good for me. He has made all kinds of threats letting me know I better not contest. His cell phone is paid by his company so I can't see that anymore but watched it before and didn't find anything. He's no longer living here so I can't bug computer or phone, no access. I want to know if there is OW so I can expose so it's not easy for him. So far, it's been real easy because he's made me out the 'bad guy' to everyone, even exaggerating and doing the history rewriting.

sisters359

OP, there is only one reason someone says that stuff, and it is b/c they are involved with someone else. I know you want to believe that isn't true, but if he is a truck driver (locally), he has plenty of opportunity to cheat, esp. during his breaks/lunch time.

No one who is really unhappy and just wants out will say things like that. You would know what it is that makes him so unhappy if it was you causing his distress. You'd be on here saying, "I know I made mistakes and. . . " But clearly he is NOT (yet) putting it on you--he's doing the "I need space [to cheat], and who knows what the future holds."

A person who has really tried to remain married despite being unhappy--and who is NOT cheating--will start with something like, "I just can't do this anymore. . ." A very different story unfolds, and you would be reminded of things that have always bothered him but you down played their significance, and you'd be reeling b/c this things really were important to him and you ignored them and you'd know you were playing with fire and just got burned. Again, that isn't the story.

So, slip a voice activated recorder in his truck, under the seat. Or follow him one day, if that is possible. A person who wants to cheat will figure out how--where there is a will, there is a way.

Do you check the credit card statements? MIght be a clue there if it is something he is responsible for doing. Also check phone records for regular calls--even short ones--to numbers you don't know. Give that number a call and see who answers. Ask for your husband by first and last name and see what happens. Maybe nothing revealing, but maybe otherwise, too. Can't hurt.

Dustysmom

I have checked cell phone bills and text history and nothing. I have even checked his actual phone and have found nothing. Following him well that would be hard he works like 12 hour days and drives in the downtown core.

There are problems that have been going on for awhile, things he has asked me to change or do different and yes I have ignored them. I want to change but at the same time I am not sure how to prove it to him. I don't want to be in his face all the time. It seems to make him angrier. He has said many times that he just can't do this this anymore and that he's just not sure he wants to be married. So what do I do now?

ImStillHere

You let him go. You can't control what he does, how he thinks, or (obviously) where he lives.

Go NC (no contact) with him, except for communication about your child or other important--financial, legal--matters.

All you can do otherwise is work on yourself and take care of your child.