3 weeks and still hurting bad

cpworld · 08-19-2012, 06:58 AM

It has been three weeks since my wife told me she didn’t love me any more and wanted to separate. Two days later I found out she was having a full on affair and in love with another married man. 10 years of marriage and a beautiful 8 year old daughter along with a great house and life just discarded. I do so much love my wife and do not want to separate.

I realize that life was busy and that I didn’t provide enough emotional attention to my wife or her to me either for that matter. After reading the “Five Love Languages” book, I really think we could work things out. Since my wife loves another man though, she is not interested in trying to save or work on our marriage. I am quite sure her relationship with him will not last long since he is on his second wife and has a history of cheating (heard this through a mutual friend). I know it will be hard but I am keeping hope that someday my wife will come back and love me again.

For now we are living in the same house to protect our daughter and for financial reasons. I am trying to see this as a partnership and give my wife the space/freedom she needs. Right now the plan is to try and keep this up for a year. I may have another job that will require me to be away 3-4 nights a week. I think it would help me heal better.

I am really trying to work the 180 list and am strong on the outside. Inside however I am in pain and feel like there is always a knife in my gut. I am on anti-depressants and take an anti-anxiety pill so I can sleep. I really try not to think about the future and focus on one day at a time. The future (being alone, not seeing my daughter etc…) scares me to death. I am trying to heal but it is so difficult.

Sadwithtwolittlegirls · 08-19-2012, 10:29 AM

If she has another man... it is time for her to go.

You will never heal being in the same house as her and this is certainly not good for your 8 year old.

If she wants to continue her behavior she needs to do it somewhere else so you don't live in constant pain.

She needs to take responsibility for her action and she won't if she is still living at home. Pack her bags and tell her to find an apartment.

Frostflower · 08-19-2012, 06:15 PM

I agree with Sad. She is cake eating (having her cake and eating it too). By letting her stay you are saying that you are okay with the affair. And she is not taking responsibility for what she has done. In fact, so far she has seen no consequences for her actions. And the living situation will do nothing for your self-esteem.

Its time for her to leave.

Sadwithtwolittlegirls · 08-19-2012, 06:18 PM

If I had to see my ex every day and knew she was in another relationship.. you would find my hanging in a closet.

It is not healthy. Take the financial hit and get her moved in somewhere else. If she is wants to be on her own, then she needs to be on her own.