It really bothers me that he says he would like to remain friends and that he is looking forward to talking more with me then nothing in about a week and a half. He has emailed a few times and i answered then he doesn't respond back and absolutely no suggestions of talking about things. What's that all about? Some tactic on his part? Posted via Mobile Device
I would say to give him his time and space. For what I know of men, this is the usual thing they need. Make yourself busy, that helps get your mind off things.
I would say to give him his time and space. For what I know of men, this is the usual thing they need. Make yourself busy, that helps get your mind off things.
Yeah i would like to believe that but those that know my story on here i am sure would disagree too with that thought process of his.
Thank you both for your replies though. Posted via Mobile Device
My stbx says that crap to me all the time. It's his way of avoiding the conversation in that moment. He really has no intention of talking to me about stuff later he's just blowing me off. And saying he wants to be friends is bs too. They don't don't want to feel bad because we hate them for scr@wing us over. If we remain friends they have no guilt.
Mine flip flops back and forth... he only wants to be friends when he needs something from me or its convenient for him.. I agree with cant, its about no guilt from him, just kjeep moving forward Sad you have been doing great!
It really bothers me that he says he would like to remain friends and that he is looking forward to talking more with me then nothing in about a week and a half. He has emailed a few times and i answered then he doesn't respond back and absolutely no suggestions of talking about things. What's that all about? Some tactic on his part? Posted via Mobile Device
I can see it being just what all 3 of you are saying....easing his conscience. Which has lead me to remember what he had said at one point...." he didn't want me to hate him".
I really wish i could let this all go. I really do. I keep trying everyone's recommendations and i am so tired of reading books about relationships and how to make myself better. IDK....maybe doing all that just keeps me focused on it? Maybe its not me that needs to be fixed....maybe its him who needs fixed. Posted via Mobile Device
I stopped reading all those relationship books a while ago. I just needed a break from thinking about that stuff for a while.
It has been months since I have read any sort of relationship book or blog. I refocused my attention to my son. I now read child development books and behavioral development books.
I just got tired of trying so hard to save my marriage and trying so hard to become a better partner. Instead, I decided to just try to focus on being the best mom I can be.
In a lot of ways, it is much more fullfilling....because at least my son is receptive to the activities I am doing.
My mom used to go to support groups for parents of suicide. She would go every single week. It became sort of an obsession with her...all she could think/talk about was suicide and suicide survivors. Week in and week out, she would hear these horribly gut-wretching stories from people in her support group. During the beginning of her grief journey, the group was just so incredibly helpful to her. However, after time, it seemed to delay her progress. It re-hatched a lot of the grief and sorrow that she had already dealt with. I talked to her about this and asked her if she thought the group was helping or hurting her at that point. She agreed that the group was hurting her progress, and she backed off of the meetings a bit. She still attends a meeting here and there...but, she has re-focused her efforts to other areas. (...she become really involved in anti-puppy mill groups and a dog rescue organization).
So, I guess what I am saying is that if you are feeling like you are just tired of reading all these books, perhaps it is time to let it go? Let it go, and focus that attention and effort into another area of your life. ....a productive area.
Try to move forward in a positive direction
But, this is all for you to decide. You will need to decide for yourself when it is time to let all this go.
I stopped reading all those relationship books a while ago. I just needed a break from thinking about that stuff for a while.
It has been months since I have read any sort of relationship book or blog. I refocused my attention to my son. I now read child development books and behavioral development books.
I just got tired of trying so hard to save my marriage and trying so hard to become a better partner. Instead, I decided to just try to focus on being the best mom I can be.
In a lot of ways, it is much more fullfilling....because at least my son is receptive to the activities I am doing.
My mom used to go to support groups for parents of suicide. She would go every single week. It became sort of an obsession with her...all she could think/talk about was suicide and suicide survivors. Week in and week out, she would hear these horribly gut-wretching stories from people in her support group. During the beginning of her grief journey, the group was just so incredibly helpful to her. However, after time, it seemed to delay her progress. It re-hatched a lot of the grief and sorrow that she had already dealt with. I talked to her about this and asked her if she thought the group was helping or hurting her at that point. She agreed that the group was hurting her progress, and she backed off of the meetings a bit. She still attends a meeting here and there...but, she has re-focused her efforts to other areas. (...she become really involved in anti-puppy mill groups and a dog rescue organization).
So, I guess what I am saying is that if you are feeling like you are just tired of reading all these books, perhaps it is time to let it go? Let it go, and focus that attention and effort into another area of your life. ....a productive area.
Try to move forward in a positive direction
But, this is all for you to decide. You will need to decide for yourself when it is time to let all this go.
Hang in there, Sad. ....and stay strong.
Thanks JPR. That advice really helped. Now i just need to figure out what interests me. I cant seem to find anything to keep me focused. I think about him too much. He consumes my every thought. I just want him out of my damn head. I mean, i am doing things and getting out but need to find something that really takes my mind off him. Something i can find passion in. I just cant seem to find it. Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks JPR. That advice really helped. Now i just need to figure out what interests me. I cant seem to find anything to keep me focused. I think about him too much. He consumes my every thought. I just want him out of my damn head. I mean, i am doing things and getting out but need to find something that really takes my mind off him. Something i can find passion in. I just cant seem to find it. Posted via Mobile Device
I know. It is hard. I went through the same thing. I would do things, and go out with friends and stuff...but, in the back of my mind, I would constantly be thinking of him. I felt like I was just "going through the motions". I would do things and "improve" myself in hopes that he would take notice and want me back in his life. My motivations were so screwed up, but I felt like I couldn't help it. I didn't know how to do things purely for my own enjoyment and happiness.
But, eventually, those thoughts of him did stop. When I found myself obsessing, that "mental stop sign" trick helped me a bit. ...and eventually I did find real joy in others.
It is still difficult at times...but, soooo much better than it once was.
You just have to hang in there, Sad. You are doing all the right things, I think. You'll find your passion again.
...oh, and AngelPixie really serves as an inspiration for this, I think. She is trying all sorts of new things--strip tease class, Contra Dancing, meetups. She has done a lot of this stuff on her own too. She is amazing and inspiring. I know she has inspired me to leave my comfort zone a bit and try new things.
...oh, and AngelPixie really serves as an inspiration for this, I think. She is trying all sorts of new things--strip tease class, Contra Dancing, meetups. She has done a lot of this stuff on her own too. She is amazing and inspiring. I know she has inspired me to leave my comfort zone a bit and try new things.
I will have to go back and read more through her thread. I took some pole dancing classes. They are fun but i was so old in that class compared to the other girls.
I hope you are right JPR. I want him out of my head.
I did something stupid last night.
t about 10 pm i texted him asking if he was there and about 8 minutes later he said yea back. I stopped myself from texting back because i was going to start asking him questions about his behavior the past 19 months and figured it wasnt worth getting uset about so i didn't respond back. About 1/2 hour later he said again are you there, i am going to bed soon. This morning he sent an email asking what i wanted. I just said it wasnt important and i had fallen asleep. He emailed back....but i texted you back in like 5 minutes, ok.
So now he's questioning me and i wish i wouldn't have sent anything. I just want him out of my head. Posted via Mobile Device
So now he's questioning me and i wish i wouldn't have sent anything. I just want him out of my head.
Well, you did text him. So, just resolve this now, rather than playing an avoidance game with him that will just drag out hostility between you two of this kind.
Just be honest. Say, "I texted you because I thought it might be a good time to talk about the status of our relationship, but when I didn't hear from you right away, I set the phone aside. I fell asleep before you texted me back. I'm having doubts about whether I should bring this up, now. Would you like to discuss the situation? Let me know."
You wrote because you're getting mixed signals. Maybe he is willing to talk to about this. You've already gotten his attention, so there is no point in being evasive. Just be honest and let the chips fall where they may. Avoiding things is just going to antagonize him because it feels like you're playing games with him or trying to manipulate the outcome and it will stress you out, even more, too. Be strong. Face this directly and empower yourself with the reality of things.
Well, you did text him. So, just resolve this now, rather than playing an avoidance game with him that will just drag out hostility between you two of this kind.
Just be honest. Say, "I texted you because I thought it might be a good time to talk about the status of our relationship, but when I didn't hear from you right away, I set the phone aside. I fell asleep before you texted me back. I'm having doubts about whether I should bring this up, now. Would you like to discuss the situation? Let me know."
You wrote because you're getting mixed signals. Maybe he is willing to talk to about this. You've already gotten his attention, so there is no point in being evasive. Just be honest and let the chips fall where they may. Avoiding things is just going to antagonize him because it feels like you're playing games with him or trying to manipulate the outcome and it will stress you out, even more, too. Be strong. Face this directly and empower yourself with the reality of things.
Very good advice. You are right. I will just tell him the truth. Thank you. I am going to email him now. Posted via Mobile Device
322Likes
Tactic? 
