Ok a little background on my story. There had been some ups and downs. My husband is very closed down emotionally. If you ask him to sit down and talk about things that have gone wrong or could be improved upon he freaks out and says "Everything's fine, why do you always want to talk"? I'm a huge talker, I always want to talk about what happened, why, and how I can fix it. What can I do for you type of person.
So my husband does this in and out thing. He'll be really into our marriage and happier than all get out then he pulls out, no talking, no sex, doesn't want to go anywhere, he just goes to work, sits at the computer and plays Wow then goes to bed. Next day rinse and repeat until he comes out of his phase. I've always stuck by him because I know eventually this "phase" passes. However I came to realize that every time he'd go through a "phase" it would take a little piece of me w/it. I started to think does he love me and am I "worth" it to him?
So in December of this year I finally said to him either this vicious cycle has to end or we need to get divorced. This phasing you do breaks off a little bit of me each time you do it. Now I never really wanted to get divorced. Me putting it on the table was my way of finding out whether he loved me enough to quit this cycle or if he didn't and would "walk" when the door was held open for him. So I drop the bomb on him and he freaks out. I go outside proceed to call my Mom and a few close friends. I talked to my best friend (whom lives 4 doors down from us) then I go back inside. I find my husband off the computer (Shock) and on the couch sitting in the complete dark listening to music. We sit there in silence me watching him for a while because I'm seeing more "emotion" in him than I ever have. Finally I say "What do you think I should do?" he responds with "You are the only thing that matters to me I will do anything not to lose you." I'll even go to counseling (another shocker) I looked him straight in the face (bawling of course because this is exactly what I wanted to hear, that I mattered, that he loved me as much as I loved him, and that he'd do w/e not to lose me) Any way I tell him not to say it if he doesn't mean it. I find out later that he had told my best friends husband that he wasn't going to let me walk away etc.
That being said I was gung ho ready to go, I heard what I needed to hear and of course as I always do I open right back up and believe it all. I love this man more than I've ever loved anyone I'd do anything for him and for us.
Anyway fast forward two weeks and he comes to me and says I don't think its going to work. I'm completely shocked and blind sighted. I'm like what?! You said I was the only thing that mattered that you'd do anything to lose me etc. I'm like what about the counseling we haven't tried anything yet? He says I'm not going it won't help. I'm not "feeling" anything anymore. I'm completely shocked in how you can go from doing anything and telling someone they are the only thing that matters to you to not being willing to do anything at all period.
So two weeks later my husband moves out. He tells me he's confused. Here we are 5 months later, for the first few months he went w/the confused business. We talked alot he went back and forth alot from I'm going to work it out w/you to its never going to work w/you because somethings missing and never tells me "what" is missing. I've told him honestly that I think he has depression issues. I've always asked him to talk to someone about it because he's so closed down emotionally.
He now has his own apartment. I miss him like hell. I love him to pieces I don't want this divorce at all. I haven't gotten any answers as to why this is happening other than the I don't feel it BS. He tells me I did nothing wrong. That I was a good wife. We've talked about having things in common, good sex, I have always been faithful never cheated on him etc. I'm like if you know you have all of that why are you not willing to save it? It makes no sense to me. I feel like we're doing this with no good reason and I'm miserable. I don't understand at all.
Recently his work has made him see a psych and they've put him on Zoloft. But he's still on the you didn't do anything wrong its all me trip. He'll still tell you he has it all but isn't willing do anything about it. I try to talk to him and I just end up being pissed off and telling him he's foul and I don't understand how he can treat people the way he does. I thought him talking to a psych and being on meds would help. It's only be a few weeks w/the meds and the psych. I keep hoping that time will help him realize. But he won't spend any time w/me won't even tell me where his new apt is...nothing. I try not to call/text and I'll be ok for a bit then he'll find some reason to text me and it all flares up and I'm a wreck again. W/o talking to him I can hide the wreck that I am from everyone but those who "know" me.
We have a court date for the 25th of June (he filed I signed some internet do it yourself divorce papers back in Feb) thought those papers were only good for 60 days and was excited once we got past that mark, but I guess they're good for longer since I just got a letter addressed to him w/the court date inside of it.
Any insight would help. Tell me why he'd fully admit that I did nothing wrong and that he has everything and knows that a majority of this and him losing whatever it is that he calls not feeling it anymore....why he wouldn't do something about it and fix what he knows he has. Especially when he knows I'll stand by him no matter how rough the road or long it is. After I'm willing to work on us when I know some of the "things" he's done since he's been gone. I guess I don't understand why he can knowing say that he has all of these things and that he knows he is why we are in this perdicament and he won't work on himself and put himself back into it. I know we can work and I know we are meant to be. He was my best friend and husband prior to kicking me in the a$$ with this craziness. I just want my husband, lover, best friend back. I'm miserable w/o him and don't know why he won't put the effort back in but finds the energy to text me, call, or whatnot when he knows its going to give me renewed hope etc....ok I'm rambling
Caught off guard
Re: Caught off guard
So we talked for a bit which wound up w/him inviting me to the house he's renting since he's moved out. HUGE step seeing how as though he wouldn't even tell me where he lived before because he was afraid I'd cause drama. I was a little skeptical at first and was like I don't know if that's such a good idea. But he convinced me to come over so we could talk.
but wasn't denied. He said I'd hear from him this weekend sometime. I haven't text him since I left last night when I text and said I love you very much thank you for spending time w/me tonight I really enjoyed it. I miss you like crazy it sucks not having you around. TTYl
and confusion 
