05-17-2009, 08:40 AM
Join Date: Apr 2009
| | Re: My wife needs more from me.
If you really lover her, then you have to work on yourself and the relationship. I am in a similar situation. You need to make yourself happier for you first. I find myself thinking the same things regarding not being good enough etc., but then I stop it and realize that you can't worry about that and keep on working on yourself. I don't think she is asking you to give up things you like but you need to find out what she needs, really needs.
I thought by working and being the man and spending our time together as a family were the right things, I forgot that before we were a family with a child that it was her and I a couple and some where along the line I forgot that. I realized that I gave up a part of myself - the part she liked when I did that and I gave up her as my wife (she became the mom). You've got to reconnect with her. Someone suggested a book to me on this board which I read and it helped put things in perspective for me. It is called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. After reading that book and talking with family and friends I realized that just because I thought my actions were showing her my love, she wasn't seeing it because she was looking for other things in her love language.
For me I realized I need to spend quality time with my wife, then my son, and then us as a family. And by quality time I don't mean doing everything together - we were doing that as a family and that was one of the problems - I mean just focused time with her.
I'm no expert and I've got a long journey myself, but just believe in yourself, make yourself happier in life and things just seem to change around you.