Wow... another woman... really?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-27-2009, 03:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 13
Lightbulb Wow... another woman... really?

These last five months have really tested my strength and self-esteem. My husband (soon to be ex) was my high school sweetheart and we have been together since i was 15. I'm now 23 and going to school to be a nurse and he is 25. He was nothing short of crazy about me and everybody who knew us, knew how he felt. When I was 18, I ended up getting pregnant, so we got married and plegded the whole forever and always spill. Ever since that day I have stayed home and raised my little girl, which I was and still am very thankful that I got to do, while he worked and made really good money. He is an alcoholic, drinking a pint of crown every night usually, but he wasn't abusive or a bad drunk, but it did take a toll on me and my daughter.
When the new years was coming into 2009, my husband was out partying with his friends while me and my daughter were with my grandma, who just lost her husband and a bunch of other family members. I looked on verizon to see if he was texting anybody and sure enough, that new years day he was texting this girl i know til 4 in the morning. This girl was actually best friends with my sister and almost like a part of our family. We all went camping together and even joked that my daughter and her were best friends. Well turns out they had been texting quite a bit and my husband said he wanted a divorce and started working out and looking good, not like he did in our marriage.
I have to say this is probably the hardest thing I have ever been through and I feel so sad and betrayed. They are dating and have been for a while and it just makes me kinda sick to hear about them together or think of them together. He use to see his daughter quite a bit but now he just pawns her off on his mom so he can go hang out with this girl, who is only 18 and still in high school.
He is so confusing but him and that girl did break up for a short period and he kinda tried to get back with me a few months ago. I would have to say that I would never EVER give him the time of day. I actually begged him to come back one time when he first left and he said he would think about it and then didnt write me back all day. So I wrote him and said you know what!? I'm not gonna sit around and wait for you to decide my future so i'm done. And I really think that was the time I completely changed my outlook on this. I finally let go, which usually takes woman years to do. I knew that I wasn't gonna have him back so I gave up hope for that to happen, but gained hope for the future and what it may hold.
Some days I'm really excited for my future and other days i'm scared and sad and lonely. But you know what! I'm so glad that he didn't come back that day when I begged him to. I have gained so much strength and inner peace and happiness deep down that I'm much better without him. And if he did come back to me, what would i have gained? A man that would walk out on his wife and daughter for an 18 yr old, or any girl for that matter? No thanks I love myself and my daughter waaaay too much to let that loser back into my life.
He still drinks and he still is with an 18 year old girl who just graduated high school. He no longer gets to have my daughter over night because his mom is the one that was raising my daughter and I put a stop to that real fast. I told him if he wanted to see her and had a day that he could devote to her, then please come and get her because I want them to still have a good relationship.
I sometimes think about the day when my daughter wants to know why me and her dad aren't together and what I'm going to say and I am a strong believer in honestly and I'm just gonna be straight forward if she wants to know. I'm not gonna dogg him and call him names, but Im gonna be honest, because If I ever have to lie to my own daughter, then there's a problem. I also greive for my soon to be ex when reality hits him and he realizes what he did. There's gonna come a day when he's not in this exciting relationship with a new person and reality hits him across the head. He's gonna have a lot of regret and sadness, because I know him so well and he already does have that but it's just covered up by more fun and exciting things in his life right now.
One thing I have learned and would tell any woman in my situation is to just let it go and let him go and be with the girl. Of course I wanted to stalk him and burn his clothes and tell him he could never see my(his too i guess lol) little girl again.But let me tell you something that I once heard in a book. You will look back on how you reacted and be ashamed of it and embarrassed. Just handle yourself like a lady and hold your head high, because after all, you did nothing wrong. The guy should get all the credit for being a dog, and you shouldnt get credit for being the crazy ex who he can't stand. Let him see what he's missing and what he gave up and can no longer have. I have to say that when my ex kinda tried to get back together with me, he told me i was the most amazing person he has ever met and he was in awe of how I dealt with him and the situation. Yeah, we had a few fights, but overall I look back on how i acted instead of how i wanted to act as courageous and showed my character and strength. It takes a lot more control to hold your head high instead of go crazy and beat the girl up.

One thing I do want is to hear other stories about woman in my situation and how you handled it or similar stories. This all is so interesting to me and of course It has only been five months so I am still greiving the loss of my husband and the family and the happily ever after with him. Looks like Im gonna have to make my own happily ever after and I can't wait!!!

The feeling of overcoming divorce and betrayel is an awesome feeling and I hope everybody lets go of the past and holds onto the future with high hopes and dreams.
krmrswy_19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-27-2009, 04:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 251
Default Re: Wow... another woman... really?

You are AWESOME!!! Your daughter will be soo proud of you when she's old enough to understand what happened. You stood up and said I deserve to be respected and treated better than this , than you. Wether your soon to be ex realizes ever he made the biggest mistake of his life is his problem. With a healthy sense of self esteem and knowing you deserve to be with a real man you'll find one honey. You so deserve it. I know there are ups and downs. I'm going through it too. Divorce should be final in 5 months, fingers crossed. I just think of this when I get sad and lonely. My ex had the BEST, now he can have the REST!!! Good Luck to you. HUGS!!
1nurse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2009, 06:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 13
Default Re: Wow... another woman... really?

Thank you for your nice words of encouragement. I'm sorry to hear about you going through divorce. What happened in your situation? I never realized how hard divorce was until i went through it and it's a long tough road.
krmrswy_19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 04:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 251
Default Re: Wow... another woman... really?

My soon to be ex-husband of 16 years had an emotional affair with a coworker. Claimed she was just a "friend" Found on average 1000 text messages to her monthly on the cellphone bill, called her on our 10th wedding anniversary when I was sleeping late at night, talked about her nonstop, went to visit her on odd weekends cause he said he hated the city we lived in and needed to get away for some down time alone. Found out he spent his weekends driving her and her kid around running errands and having meals out like he had a second family?? Although neither one of us wanted children, or so I thought. And on and on. Finally met this ding dong one weekend when we went up there together. He ACTUALLY wanted us to be friends!! Yeah I'm going to befriend the broad who's trying to take me husband away. Anyhow she ignored me the whole night at the restaurant and the poolhall we went to afterward. We were also with a few other friends he had from work. Her behavior was childish and immature. Ran after her at the end of the night as I went for my coat because the poor baby was upset seeing us together. She and his other work friends are also 10 years younger than us. My ex is a real ass. He asked for a divorce 3 days later because he wanted to move away and be with this skank. Well I say good luck to him, gonna need it when reality hits him in the face. We share no children and have not talked to or spoken to each other since last fall. Good riddance. I'm better off. I know that now. He had the best now he can have the rest.
1nurse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 05:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,643
Default Re: Wow... another woman... really?

I loved your message. You are handling it just right! Head held high. Give him his freedom, release the "trap" door and allow him to go. I bet he comes back running. Once he can get what he wants the newness slips away, and he starts asking himself "is this what I really want?"
Corpuswife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 07:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 13
Default Re: Wow... another woman... really?

Thank you! I am really trying to be a good mother to my little girl and she's all that matters.

I am having a rough day today, which happens from time to time. My sister told me today that my soon to be ex is going to Hawaii with his girlfriend next month and that he is going to transfer his job to Texas, because that's where she is going to go to college. That just breaks my heart because he's gonna be leaving behind his little girl. I know that our daughter probably just seems like an obstacle to him now that he has a new life, but I'm more sad for her and how this is going to affect her. Gosh today is a heartbreaking day
krmrswy_19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 07:44 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 251
Default Re: Wow... another woman... really?

So sorry to hear you're having a rough day. Your little girl is going to just be in awe of you when she's old enough to understand. You are setting her up to make a GREAT choice for a man when she's older. Too bad your ex has his priorities soo screwed up. He'll regret it in time. Trust me. In the meantime, take the good days with the bad. They come, they can't be helped. Cry, scream, punch something. Whatever it takes to get you through. At least he left you with one truly wonderful gift, your daughter!! I believe in the "all things happen for a reason," philosophy. Older women I work with and have been through divorce tell me it all works out in the end. Whether it's another guy, new job, better circumstances, whatever. You'll grow from this experience. I know some days I still cry and am depressed. Then I start to laugh and think what the hell am I sad for? The prick is gone. GOOD RIDDANCE!!
1nurse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2009, 02:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 13
Default Re: Wow... another woman... really?

You know I always hear that people eventually heal and move on and live happy lives after divorce. I know that I will, but it's just hard to see that far into the future some days. I can't ever imagine not having a sad feeling when I see him or talk to him. I really have been following the "No Contact" rule with him, and it seems to help me cope well. He calls and talks to my daughter occasionally but I try to avoid having to talk to him or text. He will text me and be like, So how's everything going? I just wanna reach through that phone and knock him up side the head lol. But instead I just don't write him back and the only time I will talk to him is if its about our daughter or money. He doesn't get to know how I'm doing or what I'm up to. Grrrr My ex has got to be dellusional if he thinks that he can have me in his life along with his ex girlfriend. Or have me in his life at all. Gosh I hate having these bad weeks. But I'm having less and less of them as time goes by.
krmrswy_19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2009, 08:24 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 114
Default Re: Wow... another woman... really?

Sounds like you are doing what's best for you and your daughter. Yes breakups are super hard to deal with and there are many days of sadness and grieving of the demise of your marriage. As time goes by it gets a bit easier though.....you just have to take care of yourself and daughter. My stbx walked out on me and I am disabled 100%. He had been having an affair behind my back for several months and one day told me he was going to check on his elderly dad. He called later and told me he needed some time to himself to sort his feelings out about our marriage. He had secretly been sneaking his stuff out of the house over time. He had left once before for 5 months and came back after begging me to forgive him, promising he'd never treat me that way again. I reminded him of his promises that day on the phone and point blank asked if there was someone else which he denied. He lied of course because the cell bill reflected his affair. He knows I have no family left and cannot make it on my small disability check. He doesn't care.

You are doing what is right to look out for yourself and your child. Anything out of their mouth's is generally a lie so you must keep this in mind, no matter how badly you'd like to believe them. The bad days will eventually get better but it takes time. You can't possibly not have those feelings after a long term marriage and it's okay. I still have them but in addition I have the added worry of how I will be able to survive financially (bills and medical expenses such as drug bill is close to $2000 a month, not to mention my physical inabilities to do things around the home such as lawn care, etc.) so it totally makes me have hard feelings toward him. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
toomanytears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2009, 07:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 13
Default Re: Wow... another woman... really?

Oh wow I'm soo sorry to hear about your situation. I wouldn't know what to do in your situation, and I think your a very strong woman for going through something like this and still being okay. Do you have any kids together? What is your dissability? Men are really getting on my nerves these days. Sometimes I want to just put all the bad ones on one island and all the girls that would sleep with married men, so that we dont have to deal with them anymore lol How long has it been since you have talked to him?
krmrswy_19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-04-2009, 10:40 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 114
Default Re: Wow... another woman... really?

Thanks krmrswy19. I have a lot of days where I'm not okay but his treatment of me helps me to see his true colors and it's easier to "hate" his actions. I have about 9 toes over on the hate side of "that thin line between love and hate." No kids. I totally agree with your idea of putting unfaithful men and the women who sleep with married men on an island seperate from the rest of us, lol! I'd also request they have no food, water or shelter, lol. I have only talked with him briefly about 3 or 4 times via phone....last being about a week ago. He moved her in with him a few weeks ago. You can read my thread to get a better picture of what is going on. He is a sorry excuse of a man, for sure! I don't want him back either, just want what he should rightfully do for me due to the disability.
toomanytears is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
cheating, divorce, seperation

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Need advice - single woman being hit on by a married woman bahbahsheep The Ladies' Lounge 5 09-10-2012 10:30 AM
Question for woman asked by a woman blueskies30 Sex in Marriage 10 06-27-2012 09:39 PM
Request input from WS or BS experience: WS (woman) strict EA with AP (woman) feelingallalone Coping with Infidelity 27 04-23-2012 09:14 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:27 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage