These last five months have really tested my strength and self-esteem. My husband (soon to be ex) was my high school sweetheart and we have been together since i was 15. I'm now 23 and going to school to be a nurse and he is 25. He was nothing short of crazy about me and everybody who knew us, knew how he felt. When I was 18, I ended up getting pregnant, so we got married and plegded the whole forever and always spill. Ever since that day I have stayed home and raised my little girl, which I was and still am very thankful that I got to do, while he worked and made really good money. He is an alcoholic, drinking a pint of crown every night usually, but he wasn't abusive or a bad drunk, but it did take a toll on me and my daughter.
When the new years was coming into 2009, my husband was out partying with his friends while me and my daughter were with my grandma, who just lost her husband and a bunch of other family members. I looked on verizon to see if he was texting anybody and sure enough, that new years day he was texting this girl i know til 4 in the morning. This girl was actually best friends with my sister and almost like a part of our family. We all went camping together and even joked that my daughter and her were best friends. Well turns out they had been texting quite a bit and my husband said he wanted a divorce and started working out and looking good, not like he did in our marriage.
I have to say this is probably the hardest thing I have ever been through and I feel so sad and betrayed. They are dating and have been for a while and it just makes me kinda sick to hear about them together or think of them together. He use to see his daughter quite a bit but now he just pawns her off on his mom so he can go hang out with this girl, who is only 18 and still in high school.
He is so confusing but him and that girl did break up for a short period and he kinda tried to get back with me a few months ago. I would have to say that I would never EVER give him the time of day. I actually begged him to come back one time when he first left and he said he would think about it and then didnt write me back all day. So I wrote him and said you know what!? I'm not gonna sit around and wait for you to decide my future so i'm done. And I really think that was the time I completely changed my outlook on this. I finally let go, which usually takes woman years to do. I knew that I wasn't gonna have him back so I gave up hope for that to happen, but gained hope for the future and what it may hold.
Some days I'm really excited for my future and other days i'm scared and sad and lonely. But you know what! I'm so glad that he didn't come back that day when I begged him to. I have gained so much strength and inner peace and happiness deep down that I'm much better without him. And if he did come back to me, what would i have gained? A man that would walk out on his wife and daughter for an 18 yr old, or any girl for that matter? No thanks I love myself and my daughter waaaay too much to let that loser back into my life.
He still drinks and he still is with an 18 year old girl who just graduated high school. He no longer gets to have my daughter over night because his mom is the one that was raising my daughter and I put a stop to that real fast. I told him if he wanted to see her and had a day that he could devote to her, then please come and get her because I want them to still have a good relationship.
I sometimes think about the day when my daughter wants to know why me and her dad aren't together and what I'm going to say and I am a strong believer in honestly and I'm just gonna be straight forward if she wants to know. I'm not gonna dogg him and call him names, but Im gonna be honest, because If I ever have to lie to my own daughter, then there's a problem. I also greive for my soon to be ex when reality hits him and he realizes what he did. There's gonna come a day when he's not in this exciting relationship with a new person and reality hits him across the head. He's gonna have a lot of regret and sadness, because I know him so well and he already does have that but it's just covered up by more fun and exciting things in his life right now.
One thing I have learned and would tell any woman in my situation is to just let it go and let him go and be with the girl. Of course I wanted to stalk him and burn his clothes and tell him he could never see my(his too i guess lol) little girl again.But let me tell you something that I once heard in a book. You will look back on how you reacted and be ashamed of it and embarrassed. Just handle yourself like a lady and hold your head high, because after all, you did nothing wrong. The guy should get all the credit for being a dog, and you shouldnt get credit for being the crazy ex who he can't stand. Let him see what he's missing and what he gave up and can no longer have. I have to say that when my ex kinda tried to get back together with me, he told me i was the most amazing person he has ever met and he was in awe of how I dealt with him and the situation. Yeah, we had a few fights, but overall I look back on how i acted instead of how i wanted to act as courageous and showed my character and strength. It takes a lot more control to hold your head high instead of go crazy and beat the girl up.
One thing I do want is to hear other stories about woman in my situation and how you handled it or similar stories. This all is so interesting to me and of course It has only been five months so I am still greiving the loss of my husband and the family and the happily ever after with him. Looks like Im gonna have to make my own happily ever after
and I can't wait!!!
The feeling of overcoming divorce and betrayel is an awesome feeling and I hope everybody lets go of the past and holds onto the future with high hopes and dreams.