Sorry this might be a long one, more to vent also.
Well my wife calls and texts me yesterday. Said she will more than likely be flying back next wednesday. So confused I said "um ok" she said things werent quite going the way she had hoped for. She would tell more when she gets in. Then Today she calls me and tells me she will be flying in Saturday (tomorrow). So between yesterday and today my mind is racing a mile a minute thought and emotions going every which way. I told her i would do whatever I could to help. I know not very smart of me but hey I'm still in love with her. So we have been txting all day while I'm at work. I am a truck driver, I deliver food products and such. I have a co driver who was driving today. so i wasnt trying to txt and drive at same time. We talk about this and that. Since it is a few days from payday I will see what i can do to come up with extra cash. She said her flight doesnt get in till about 10 pm my time, she was going to ask her momand or Sister if they could cover a hotel til I get paid. She suggested we stay in denver overnight. Since it will be fairly late for our kids. I was taken off guard.
So i get off work on my way to my " new home" friends. She texts me and ask if i was at my friends if so jump on to msn im.
We start talking about this and that. At first she makes it sound like she was really thinking about reconciling but, taking our time to do so. She is going to go to her mothers. We both agreed that it would take a fair good amount of time to work things out. Figure where we each sit with our selfs and each other. Around this time I'm feeling all kinds of emotions from sadness to happiness to eagerness, you name it. Then after a lil bit she says It may be end up being where we make better friends. My heart sank like a ton of bricks. She could be right i dont know. I should her by the way i was conversing with her that I have done alot of soul searching and was serious abut changing myself for the better. I agreed with her on alot of things not because it was the "right" thing to do. Not to do just because i thought thats what she would want me to do. I did because I actually agreed. For once I did something for myself without putting her first. We talk about a few things about our marriage and how things were, I cried a couple of times.
I do believe that she was caught of guard on how well we talked about things instead of arguing. It felt really really good to be able to just talk. I did however tell her that i do still hold on to the glimmer of hope in my heart for our marriage. She said to sum it up only time will tell. We both agreed that getting back together would NOT be GOOD at all for our marriage because we both have personnal issues to work through first.
Yes we split once before about 2.5 yrs ago for a month. Things went good for a couple of months and things went right back to way that caused us seperate before. I told her that she did try harder than i did at that time and i just turned a blind eye. Which I did do even though unintentional.
So could this be sign that deep down inside her heart that she would like for our marriage to succeed? If it is, my biggest hurdle would be to give up my last actuall bad habit. (smoking). I need to that anyways. If we worked everything out and that was the last hurdle to clear you can bet everything in the world that i would clear that hurdle. Like i said at top sorry for being so long, I'm just really confused over everything right now.Just about the time I was getting myself used to the Idea of her with someone else with my kids. Cant help reading into it. I just really miss her. By the way she is the only person to ever be able to get me to cry. I honestly cant Imagine what my life without would be like. Why did I have to be so bullheaded and blind? Ok enough for now I apologize once again.
Although I haven't been following your situation, one thing is very clear to me. Your wife honestly doesn't know what she wants. From your post I sense she ran off with another man. If so, I'm wondering how things are with them financially. She seemed to reach out to you when she needed money. Maybe things aren't "greener" on the other side of the fence for her. Hope she isn't reaching out to you for financial reasons. And I know when we love someone we don't always look for motives.
Thats true "when we love somebody we dont always look for a motive". I'm not exactly what happened on the other side of the fence. She said she would fill me in later on when we are both by ourselves. Financially the other guy was a lil bit better off than me, wages earned wise. Only because he doesnt have to pay rent or utilities. He is an apartment manager. When she left etc.. she told me that he was just a really good friend that she devoloped feelings for. After spending most of yesterday and evening talking to her, she admitted that I was right about one thing. She needed to do things for herself and on her own. Instead of taking the easy way by having everyone take her hand and lead her. I didnt let her know how happy and proud that made me feel to hear say that. Like her mom told me last night take the victories that we can.
You sound very similar to my husband who I HAVE SEPARATED FROM. iN MY CASE, THERE IS NO OTHER MAN, (sorry about caps) I just lost my energy. I ran out of tollerance for the turning a blind eye to the issues over the years despite him earnestly promising to work on them. I did give up, which I'm not proud of, but I had no other option in my eyes.
What I am saying is that yes I want it to work, even after all of this, but no, I don't think it is possible. Now that takes forever to get your head around.
Maybe your wife is over the exhaustion? I can't let go of the past. That's my fault. Maybe your wife is the same?
Well here I sit outside the hotel in the car. Get to airport when she reachs baggage claim area she goes and gives kids hugs and all that. Went to give her a hug and she did but acted like that was the worse thing in the world, like what the hell you doing?
As we walk to car she asks to use my phone to call the other guy. She wants to be alone to call to make it more personal. A flood of upsettedness came over me right there, about just said screw it find your own ride tomorrow hotel has been paid for. I didn't though. Her mom was right. This is going to be so hard. Just might sleep in the car. Don't know if I can stay in room.
Just half of me wants to grab her and not let go. Other half just wants to lash out at her. Guess not seeing her was kinda easier at least it seemed. Hope I make it through the week. Well that's where we are at now she in room I'm in car posting this and trying to balance my emotions.
Hmm it 245 am now. We talked about the reasons why couldn't get back together. Which as I have said before we both have to many personal issues at the moment. That we need to work on beibg friends. Well from past relationships, I can count on one hand how many I remained friends with. Wait no I can't because I haven't remained friends with any of them.
We conversed about me and the wrongs I have done. Which I have done many. I'm not proud of those in any way. Then it hit me where my anger comes from. It's the only emotion I have ever been able to express. I was raised that way. My mother was and still an angry person from all things that happened in her past.
What brought that out was I started to talk about the people close to me in life. All of them except wife and kids have past away. I never ever should any emotion at those times. I just broke down couldn't control myself. Cried and cried. After it subsided I looked at my wife and said that I hate you but in a good way. She has been the ONLY person to make me cry. Then it hit me evryone I'm close to ends up leaving me in one or another. Just like my MOM. I turned into her. Angry for no good gosh dang reason.
I just don't know if I can change that. I was raised like that. It's like set in stone. After I just stopped crying I just got angry. Mad as hell.
So I calm down. Start talking about her and the reason why it didn't work out between her and other guy. She said he felt guilty about taking boys away from me and her and I needed to work things out. That wife wasn't ready for any guy in here life at the moment relationship wise. Come to find out this after she slept with him. She said she wasn't ready for that afterwards. Oh I'm at the point right now of just starting the car and driving off. I doint cause the kids are in the room. Not to sure what to do now. Just give up all hope for our marriage? Grin and bear it till we can file bankruptcy. (Big financial mess) jointly? So that way if we do divirce no get hammered with a lot of debt. No fighting over who has to pay what or how much that way. I just don't know if I can be in same room anywhere with her now that I know she did sleep with him. To me ya she may have left to go to him. We still legaly married and never legally seperated, to me that's full blown cheating and adultry. Don't know how to handle or what to do about it.
I really do feel for you and knowing that my wife left me (If there is a guy I do not know yet) and i would love to say that if I did know that I would never want her back (as of now I do) but sitting here in reading your story I would say to let her go. Believe me, people are telling me to let my wife go and I think about her non stop, so much that I do not sleep and its stopped me from taking care of business and to be honsest I even been drinking vodka to eliminate the pain. I am not a big drinker, I will drink beer during a sporting events but I have put away some vodka over the last few months. I am not stupid, believe me I know when the vodka wears off I am exactly where i was before I started drinking it. My point, I truely believe that if my wife flew to another state to be with a man, had sex with him, then came home and wanted to talk about all of the things I did, I might of lost it. The other thing is you said she did the same thing to her ex with you, so that is not a good sign and I am sure you now know how he felt. Skinman has a good line about women who make you cry, I dont recall it i will find it and share it with you. But my friend at the minimum you need to let her know that what she did was not ok and you are not going to put up with that kind of behavior. I know its easier said then done.
Despite what you may have done to her in the past DOES NOT make her blatently pushing this guy in your face OK. Its a really low act. You are better than that! No communication! Don't do your head in when she is taking advantage of your love for her.
If its hard because your not there for her anymore, than it is what it is! That is her choice. I hope you have a close freind you can go to for a hug and a beer. Look after yourself!
Distance yourself. Ignore all phone call, txts. Dont even read them, just delete them.
You are doing so well, remember what I said, you handle you. You handle those kids, you are strong and at some point your heart will guide you. But for now, let your head do the thinking, and heart take a little rest...
Thanks lilmama if anyone would know how I have been doing is you. Its has been a rough week so far. As the days went by it got a little easier for me. Like yesterday (wednesday) spent the day with wife. Actually went better than we both thought. We got along. Couple minor hiccups but nothing for me to sweat about. She tried to make big deals out of couple of lil things, just told myself nope not fallin for that trap. It was hard but I managed and handled it pretty good. So that's the upd‚te for the week so far 2.5 days left.
Well here it is Saturday morning. Waiting the wife to call me so we can head out. Hmm I must be strong like lilmama said because I'm actually driving my kids to meet my MNL so she pick up boys from me. Wife (ex who knows) couldnt take in uhaul no bench seat. had to celebrate oldest sons birthday at her hotel room yesterday. I felt so so bad and hurt by that. So I'm gonna have 10+ hr drive today so I wont be getting back till late tonight. I wasnt even planning on going anywhere this weekend except golfing Great stress release. First ten days of the month have really been crappy. well she just called so off i go on a whim for some one who doesnt know who or what she wants. Have a great day all
Well saturday came and went. It was the hardest thing I had to do. Not by choice either. My work schedule just wouldn't allow me to keep my kids. Stopped by my old hometown on way back home. Paid my last respects to my dad. Visited a friend. Found out that really good close friend of mine past away last september. No one ever told me. So that just added to everything else.
Well just got to try and roll with the punches I guess. Catch ya all on the flip side of things. Peace out.
Well first off yesterday morning was hard for me. Waking up in a crappy mood and crappy weather. I woke up without my kids next to me and that I'll be going "home" to pretty much nothing. No wife or kids just loneliness and emptiness. Then this special someone who I came across during all that I've. Been going through. Just kept talking to me. By the end of the day, I was in a better mood. So to that one person, please don't kick my butt to hard. :P
Thanks to everyone here on the boards. I'm truly grateful that I came across this site.
Its been a tremendous help to have a place to vent. Thank you for all that have posted and such.