Re: Why can't I let go?
Just remember, he feels like he has control. He doesn't want you contacting him - but I guarantee there will come a time when he wants to contact you. And he will use every trick that he knows has worked previously in order to manipulate you into doing what he wants. Remember that.
Make yourself the priority, not him. Seriously stop and think about what possible positive outcome can there be as a result of you continuing to reach out to him?
Over the course of my journey, in terms of what I have tolerated, minimized, overlooked, ignored, or forgiven all in the name of love, has not made me a better person. It has made me a chump. It didn't make me noble or admirable. It made me look weak and pathetic.
What I often found was that my sadness resulted from two things; the memory of what we did have, and doubt.
The memories are great. The memories are where I want to be. As for 'doubt', I would turn it around from feeling doubt about my future alone, wondering if I would find love again, and focus the doubt on all of the issues and behaviors and lies that she chose to perpetrate in undermining our marriage.
Be angry about the betrayal and his bizarre behavior. Grieve the loss of the marriage. Don't grieve the loss of him, for he surely isn't sitting somewhere in the dark crying over you.
Can you say the words "I'm letting you go ..."
I'm not trying to get all Dr. Phil on you, but I literally couldn't say them - for months.