I had the bomb dropped on me ... but silly me I KNEW we would never be one of those couples.
My wife and I have been married for 5 years and together for more than twice that (call me paranoid, but putting the actual time might somehow lead her to find this).
A few days ago I had a dream she was cheating on me and when i got up that morning I just knew i had to look at her cell phone. Using a common excuse to do so, i noticed that she was very reluctant to let me, where it had never been a problem in the past. When i got my hands on it i knew exactly where to look: texts between her and her "friend". I have no 100% proof she cheated, but i have a lot of ancedotal evidence (they spending time together when i travelled, planning another get together when i leave again, comments, etc).
When i confronted her with this she told me that she no longer wanted to be with me. That i was boring, a kid because she had to do my laundry and grocery shopping (i do many of the other chores around the house so this sounded odd) and other really minor things. She swears she's done nothing with this other guy, but the stuff i've read really make that implausible. She also says she has called it off with him, and just wants to be alone to focus on her work ("I need to be by myself", "I dont think i am the type to be married").
I know they did start out as friends. My wife likes to help people, and this guys had a lot of problems (she worked with him). They started training together and recently ran a marathon together. I was not able to train as i was on the road a lot for my job this summer. I know i should have been the jealous type, but i know how much she likes helping people, and i've known people who have liked her before and nothing has come of it. Heck i have female friends and wouldnt want her suspecting them. Bottom line i trusted her too much.
I hate to lose my marriage. We just had a miscarriage on our first child about two months ago, and I've probably been distant since then, but she never one brought up that she was unhappy. That is what hurts the most. This all feels like a a midlife crisis (
She never told me she was unhappy. I never got the chance to try to do anything to make her happier. I'm sure i could have done better, but i was just too focused on my work and other obligations and she just seemed so happy.
She gets mad when i bring up councelling and has absolutely no interest in trying to save the marriage. She acts like she was never happy, and i just cant believe that. The only few people who know right now are in shock as everyone thought we were so happy ("wow man, you guys were the last people i'd have ever guessed...").
I want to work on our marriage, but i cant do it alone and I think i may do more harm than good pushing her to want to continue to be with me... she just seems so sure. How do I convince myself to let her go when it is the last thing in the world i really want? If i'm ever lucky enough to find someone like her again, how do i not carry this around and sabotage it with suspicion?
My wife and I have been married for 5 years and together for more than twice that (call me paranoid, but putting the actual time might somehow lead her to find this).
A few days ago I had a dream she was cheating on me and when i got up that morning I just knew i had to look at her cell phone. Using a common excuse to do so, i noticed that she was very reluctant to let me, where it had never been a problem in the past. When i got my hands on it i knew exactly where to look: texts between her and her "friend". I have no 100% proof she cheated, but i have a lot of ancedotal evidence (they spending time together when i travelled, planning another get together when i leave again, comments, etc).
When i confronted her with this she told me that she no longer wanted to be with me. That i was boring, a kid because she had to do my laundry and grocery shopping (i do many of the other chores around the house so this sounded odd) and other really minor things. She swears she's done nothing with this other guy, but the stuff i've read really make that implausible. She also says she has called it off with him, and just wants to be alone to focus on her work ("I need to be by myself", "I dont think i am the type to be married").
I know they did start out as friends. My wife likes to help people, and this guys had a lot of problems (she worked with him). They started training together and recently ran a marathon together. I was not able to train as i was on the road a lot for my job this summer. I know i should have been the jealous type, but i know how much she likes helping people, and i've known people who have liked her before and nothing has come of it. Heck i have female friends and wouldnt want her suspecting them. Bottom line i trusted her too much.
I hate to lose my marriage. We just had a miscarriage on our first child about two months ago, and I've probably been distant since then, but she never one brought up that she was unhappy. That is what hurts the most. This all feels like a a midlife crisis (
She never told me she was unhappy. I never got the chance to try to do anything to make her happier. I'm sure i could have done better, but i was just too focused on my work and other obligations and she just seemed so happy.
She gets mad when i bring up councelling and has absolutely no interest in trying to save the marriage. She acts like she was never happy, and i just cant believe that. The only few people who know right now are in shock as everyone thought we were so happy ("wow man, you guys were the last people i'd have ever guessed...").
I want to work on our marriage, but i cant do it alone and I think i may do more harm than good pushing her to want to continue to be with me... she just seems so sure. How do I convince myself to let her go when it is the last thing in the world i really want? If i'm ever lucky enough to find someone like her again, how do i not carry this around and sabotage it with suspicion?