Separated..and hating it!!

33sillygirl · 06-09-2009, 04:40 PM

My husband and I have been married for 10 years, I thought happily. We have a 3 year old and a 7 month old. He comes home one day and say " I am unhappy and think I need to move out". I felt like this was a nightmare and that I would wake up and everything would be normal again. Either I am still dreaming or my life just got turned upside down. I am miserable. I told him I love him and want to work things out or go to counseling. He said no to counseling and that he needed to move out to see if he misses our life together. He says he does not know if he loves me anymore, heartbreak. I will list a few of his reasons so maybe someone can help.
1) He is not where he wants to be in life. ( my response, what with a family who loves you )
2) I treat him like crap ( my response, I know I snap sometimes and say things I regret later, but our lives are hard right now with the two babies and working fulltime, I never meant to hurt you I guess I take my frustrations out on you sometimes and I am sorry, but I know I can work on that, give me a chance.
3) I control the decsions when it comes to the kids ( my response, let me work on that I did not know that was an issue.

See, he never has said anything, I guess he has bottled it up for years and now I feel its to late. Everthing I try backfires. I hate that I cant say I love you, or call to see how his day was, or know how this is going to end. I wanted so much more for my kids and for us. He has been out of the house for 2 weeks and rarely calls the girls to say goodnight or just talk, we set up days with the kids and the first week he broke them. Sorry this was so long, but really I could go on forever.

Rhea · 06-09-2009, 07:41 PM

Mine never said anything either, I still have no answers today. It's very VERY hard. Get yourself some counseling ASAP even if he won't go, then go by yourself. I just started today (it took me 6 months to go).

voivod · 06-09-2009, 07:56 PM

boy. that "get counseling" thing i agree with 100 percent. and when you go, be completely honest. include the reason you are there. make mention of the fact that you want your spouse to come back. tell your counselor that is your goal, to become a person your spouse can be with, maybe write down what you've posted here. over time, try to include your spouse in counseling. i have, with limited success. you'll find that one person in the relationship is more invested in making it right. that person might as well be you. and never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never give up. it's going to try your patience.