I got this from this thread
. Except for the ones in red, my husband seems to be doing everything else to indicate he wants to back together:
Your ex has kept the lines of communication open and reminds you that they are open. |
Your ex has initiated contact on more than one occasion.
They have contacted you for no particular reason. (Signs your ex wants and needs to maintain contact.)
They have contacted you about things that have happened to them and how they felt about them.
They have called to ask your advice. (Signs your ex needs to share as if you were still a team - partners)
Your ex always seems to be where you are.
They are nervous and flustered when you meet. However…
They are not anxious to get away and seem to look for ways to prolong your meeting.
Your ex has told you about or invited you to situations that bring you together.
Your ex has not formed any new relationships and, just in case you don’t get it…
Your ex has made it clear (themselves or through friends) that they are not interested in new relationships.
They (or their friends) have been sounding you out (or your friends) on whether you would be interested in getting back together with your ex. (One of the clearest signs your ex wants you back but they want to check out how you feel before making a move.)
Your ex appears to be trying to impress you, with a new look, recent achievements, etc.
They have mentioned efforts they have made or are making to be a better person.
They have changed something about themselves that you always hated.
13 1/2 years together. Found out about my husband's affair nearly six months ago. Theirs would have to be running 11 months now. As a result of this, my husband moved out of our house and it has been two months since that.
Lately, I've been getting all that indication (see list above), plus my husband actually saying he wants his old life back. In fact, he just spent Father's Day with us (we have one son, 11) and for the first time since I can remember, actually said he loves me.
He is not living with her, never intended to. In one of our discussions a few weeks ago, he said he doesn't believe she is "the one" and sees a turbulent future with her. It does sound like my husband's affair fog is lifting.
But the fact is, he still cannot break it off with her. When I asked what's the bottomline for this, he admitted he is afraid of hurting her. (Oh, please!
I have told my husband so many times to let me go if he cannot leg her go. Obviously, he isn't doing that. Every time I make an effort to go No Contact, he claws his way back in.
I love him very much and it is my hope this marriage is saved and rebuilt, like everyone else hoping to work it out with their spouses. But I can't stand waiting and waiting for him to make a choice between me and his mistress!
So now, I'm really, really cautious. I've been reading about people getting blindsided by the one they believed was doing all the right things. And this is my fear. Is my husband capable of doing this? When he isn't thinking clearly, when he is thinking with abandon, not caring for consequences....it is possible. He has a tendency (hence the affair, which he now admits he didn't think ahead for and didn't expect was going to get to this).
I'm so standing on shaky ground, afraid I might fall flat on my face again. I know love should be patient, but this is ridiculous, is it not?