although she loved me she was not in love with me.
No matter how many times I read this it still drives me crazy. I still say when someone says this they have no idea what 'love' really is and aren't committed to fixing marital issues or putting enough effort into a relationship. They are basically saying either they've spent so much time with you they care about you still, but can't stand to be around you or they still care about you, but want to go screw other more attractive and interesting people.
Both hinge on a few different issues.
Built up resentment from the other not meeting their needs or having some annoying characteristic they exhibit. (bad habits, negative attitudes, annoying traits). The resentment usually builds to a crescendo because of poor communication in telling their spouse what they want or need from them and giving them the opportunity to fix the issue. Couples tend to just hint at things and as time goes on, since the problem isn't fixed, the resentment builds into hatred and a genuine dislike for the other.
Lack of respect for the spouse and hence lack of attraction to him/her. Usually caused by not having a balanced relationship. One spouse walks all over the other. Basically no one is attracted to someone who doesn't make them feel good about themselves or allows them to walk all over them. Especially a 'The glass is half empty' person who acts negative all the time and is just a bummer to be around. No one is attracted to those types.
I know that doesn't cover all of the different facets in detail, but in general I think covers many of them.
What is love if its not commitment and putting the other person forward. What is all this cut and run stuff? Obviously if you have a problem, get to the bottom of it immediately and fix it before it causes a divorce. If you run, the problem is never fixed and you haven't learned anything. People don't have unlimited time in their lives to redo it over and over and end up in the same place each time.
Ok sorry. /Rant over. JGY415
I'm sure from reading this forum you have read plenty about the 180. You need to do it. The more you push her to talk about what's wrong and plead with her, the more you will drive her away. These traits are not attractive and counter productive. Think about what you would find attractive if you were her. Someone who is strong and stands tall, fun to be around, positive and decisive. Act, dress and be that man. Be positive and work on yourself. You may not feel like it now, but you would be surprised what the power of positive thinking and reinforcement will do. Don't break down and cry and show your emotions to her no matter how much you feel like it. Fix any of the annoying traits or other things you know she dislikes. Be scarce and give her room.
She will notice the most subtle of changes in you. It may not fix things, but thinking positive and making yourself a better man is a benefit to you and any future women you meet. So its worth putting in the hard work. The important thing is getting yourself in the right frame of mind and staying there. You are doing this for yourself! You love her, but will not be walked all over by her because you value yourself and your dignity more then that! If she doesn't want you there are plenty of women around who would kill to be by your side. Be Positive!
And if you need encouragement you will find it here. Many of us are going through, or have been through, these things and we know how much you are hurting and how confused you are. Its normal and its good to have a outlet. If you feel like breaking down or pleading/confronting your wife, come here first. Someone will be able to help you make the right decisions.
Sorry for the long post.