12-22-2012, 11:48 AM
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Paragould, AR
| | Re: Really struggling with the no contact rule!
Hi Lanz. I'm sorry you're having so much problems. I know it hurts.
The NC sucks. It feels like the end of the world because your best friend no longer wants to see or talk to you. BUt it is for the best.
One: Truth. Contact DOES drive them further away.
Two: It is also for YOU. You need to become the master of your emotions. Something I"m still fighting, but getting better every day.
Three: It rushes things along. Everything, the hurt to ease, the process of where you're going with the R etc.
Four: It's for you #2. FIND yourself again. I've learned in LTR / Marriages, you lose yourself. I believe it's a cycle we all must go through. Some end the M before it's completed, and some get through it. But when we forget ourselves, trouble brews. If not the cause, trouble brews and then not knowing yourself makes it worse.
Everyone's correct. You need to get on with finding yourself again. Find activities to do. If you're broke, find things that doesn't require money. If you have money, go shopping for small inexpensive stuff. Shoes for example. Not $3,000 worth of furniture etc.
I've been in LC (Limited Contact) with my stbxw for 2 months now. 90% of the time only a txt for switching kiddo out. If I were to ask her if she's missing me now, she'd probably say "no, not really I'm sorry" but right now? I feel in my heart she is. These people can't be truthful. SO this is where your LEVEL HEADEDNESS comes into play. If you play a fool for these situations, you'll mistake after mistake. You have to see things for the way they are. Don't be fooled into what you want to believe. More less, if you have a level head, you won't "read into" things so much and will be more cautious.
Good luck to you. I wish you well. Remember this:
IT. DOES. GET. BETTER.
Keep telling yourself this.
"It's not about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can GET HIT and keep moving forward"