Really struggling with the no contact rule!
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Old 12-22-2012, 06:14 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Really struggling with the no contact rule!

My husband and I have been separated for a month now but it's been a week since we have last communicated because I'm trying to have no contact at all, however I'm now finding it so hard not to txt, Facebook, talk, or see him at all! I'm craving him, he's like an addiction to me, it sucks so bad because I know it's going backwards talking to him but I want to know what he's doing, and just hear his voice. My head is telling me its a bad idea but my heart is still in love how do I stop myself communicating with him??
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Old 12-22-2012, 08:46 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Really struggling with the no contact rule!

Assuming he left you?
Tell yourself that every phone call and text drives him further away from you.
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Old 12-22-2012, 09:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Really struggling with the no contact rule!

It was hard for me, at first, too, as it is for everyone.

The key is to keep yourself busy.

Hang out with friends, go to the gym, take a class, try new recipes.

You can only clean the house so much, and I'm sure it's immaculate, by now.

Are you in IC?
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Old 12-22-2012, 11:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Really struggling with the no contact rule!

Hi Lanz. I'm sorry you're having so much problems. I know it hurts.

The NC sucks. It feels like the end of the world because your best friend no longer wants to see or talk to you. BUt it is for the best.

One: Truth. Contact DOES drive them further away.

Two: It is also for YOU. You need to become the master of your emotions. Something I"m still fighting, but getting better every day.

Three: It rushes things along. Everything, the hurt to ease, the process of where you're going with the R etc.

Four: It's for you #2. FIND yourself again. I've learned in LTR / Marriages, you lose yourself. I believe it's a cycle we all must go through. Some end the M before it's completed, and some get through it. But when we forget ourselves, trouble brews. If not the cause, trouble brews and then not knowing yourself makes it worse.

Everyone's correct. You need to get on with finding yourself again. Find activities to do. If you're broke, find things that doesn't require money. If you have money, go shopping for small inexpensive stuff. Shoes for example. Not $3,000 worth of furniture etc.

I've been in LC (Limited Contact) with my stbxw for 2 months now. 90% of the time only a txt for switching kiddo out. If I were to ask her if she's missing me now, she'd probably say "no, not really I'm sorry" but right now? I feel in my heart she is. These people can't be truthful. SO this is where your LEVEL HEADEDNESS comes into play. If you play a fool for these situations, you'll mistake after mistake. You have to see things for the way they are. Don't be fooled into what you want to believe. More less, if you have a level head, you won't "read into" things so much and will be more cautious.

Good luck to you. I wish you well. Remember this:

IT. DOES. GET. BETTER.

Keep telling yourself this.
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Old 12-22-2012, 04:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Really struggling with the no contact rule!

That is great advice and insight. I am on day 3 of LNC. I say limited because we still live together. I don't initiate any conversation unless it is necessary. He and I are functioning together in the home but I can tell he is bothered I am so quiet. Got to be strong. I leave for trip in 6 days and he will be gone when I return. (Apt is ready jan 1)
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Old 12-22-2012, 04:25 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Really struggling with the no contact rule!

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Originally Posted by Janz121 View Post
My husband and I have been separated for a month now but it's been a week since we have last communicated because I'm trying to have no contact at all, however I'm now finding it so hard not to txt, Facebook, talk, or see him at all! I'm craving him, he's like an addiction to me, it sucks so bad because I know it's going backwards talking to him but I want to know what he's doing, and just hear his voice. My head is telling me its a bad idea but my heart is still in love how do I stop myself communicating with him??
i've been separated for almost two months now..he wants a divorce and he won't have 'one' conversation with me...in the beginning it was only texts about 'his stuff' and the bills..then he cut me off financially...then I stopped the texts...there was nothing more to 'talk' about..
I see him at work...we don't talk...I work with him until the middle of next month then he switches shifts...

Listen...the NC is the hardest thing in the world to do...I know 'exactly' what you are going through...it's painful and confusing and we want to run to them and 'fix it'...but didn't we do enough of that during our marriage...I read a book called Co-dependent no more' ...you got to read this... ...and right now i'm reading a book called 'Don't call that man!' ....again another fantastic read....they are about women like us...I'd start with 'don't call that man!..a survival guide to letting go...by Rhonda Findling...' I'm dead serious when I tell you it helps...there is sooo much of you and me in that book that helps us get through this.. the NC is extremely important for us...and it makes no sense to 'us' especially in the beginning ...it doesn't...because these guys are like our crack...but if there's ever a hope of a reconciliation it starts here but most of all...what I'm going to say next is hard to even type...but most of all...if there's 'not' a chance of reconciliation it's a way for us to heal and for us to get our self esteem and dignity back. "We" can't heal chasing them...and 'we' can't control them...and yanno what...as it drives them away when we do it...at the same time they love every minute of it because they are self centered men.
We need to let them be 'who they are'... we couldn't change them in the marriage...because they were not open to change and better their communication skills...what makes you think they will do it now? They/we need to see if they even miss us...to even want us...some do...some don't. In the mean time you and I need to stick together and try and get through each day and not reach for that crack.

He's my crack too...i hate it...I'm co-dependent as hell...
...just checked my cell phone...my last contact/text to him was Dec. 10th. .....this is a big deal for me...
get that book...on your kendal or go to a book store ASAP...

'trust me'... I know.... I do know...
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Old 12-23-2012, 02:23 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Really struggling with the no contact rule!

Thanks for the great advice everyone!! It must sound like he broke up with me, believe it or not i actually ended the relationship because he didnt treat me well at all but for some reason now im struggling to not see/talk to him at all. I will defently go and look for thoughs books now, anything to help!! Feeling beter allready
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