I cant seem to move on at all
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Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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Old 12-29-2012, 09:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I cant seem to move on at all

I am a new poster here so please forgive me for rambling on. This is the first time I am speaking about how I feel so openly.

6 weeks ago my husband decided that he doesn't 'love me' the way he should love his wife (His words). We have been together as a couple for 7 years and only married 7 months.

We had a wonderful wedding, amazing honeymoon and he says that he was so happy at this point, but everything went wrong after.

We argued a lot in may - combination of my work stress and just not getting on which was unusual as we never used to argue much.
He said since then he doesn't feel the way he should about me. he told me this initially in June and we said we would try and work things through. Since June he has been telling me everything is going well and OK and I shouldn't worry. Then out of the blue in November he started being really distant and not speaking to me or interacting at all.
i asked him what was wrong - he said nothing - I asked again as I could tell there was a problem and he said he didn't want to be with me anymore as he didn't love me.

the terrible thing is he keeps saying that 'he cant give me what I want' - what does this mean?
We have been actively seeking help for planning a family as I suffer from diabetes and we needed to plan family carefully.

So he has left, he wont contact me unless I contact him about mundane things like the house etc. Whenever I say that i miss him he ignores me.
If I ask him to come home he just says he is happier without me and I need to understand that he is doing the right thing for us both in the long run.

I just cant understand how this can possibly be right - we were so happy only 7 months ago - and now its as though I never existed. I am so heartbroken. I cant stop crying. He didn't contact me at all over christmas and will only talk to me about things that are not related to us as a couple.

Some people tell me that this is just his coping mechanism but why wont he try everything before he leaves us?

I feel so let down. I have never seen him like this before at all. I look back to messages from April and May and they are full of love. What on earth has gone so wrong?
He cant answer this for me - he says he can't keep hurting me any more and he is not being cruel as being cruel would be lying to me and keeping me stringing along.
Why get married if he felt this way? He says he wanted to get married it just all went wrong after.

Please can anyone shed some light on my situation? I just don't understand why the person I love so much has just given up on us.

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Old 12-29-2012, 08:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cant seem to move on at all

My ex split with me 6 weeks ago too, and I've only just started to accept the reality of it. It's going to take time and there aren't any short cuts.

By telling you that you deserve better, it sounds like he's feeling guilty about something. If only he would man-up and tell you. Any information would be better than nothing because you're left wondering if the issues are fixable or deal-breakers.

Right now you need to focus on your own welfare. Take care of yourself...sorry that you're going through this.
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Old 12-29-2012, 09:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cant seem to move on at all

Looks like a pretty classic case of posOW to me.
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Old 12-30-2012, 09:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cant seem to move on at all

Thank you for the support and comments - re the other woman - I thought that too but he denies this until he is blue in the face.

He agreed to meet me for coffee today - first time since we broke. He said he felt hemmed in, in our marriage and felt like he had to justify where he was all the time.

I said that I was so sorry if I had made him feel that way - I certainly didn't want him to feel this way.

But instead of him wanting to try again now that I understand he just says we are wrong for each other.

He gave me a cuddle before he left - was compassionate - this has just made me want him back more.
Why wont he try again? Its just like he has completely given up on us and this is so unlike him
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Old 12-30-2012, 09:35 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cant seem to move on at all

Deny or not, I agree it sounds like a classic affair. If it doesn't work out with her, he wants to have you there. He doesn't like you asking questions because it forces him to lie. Either way... You do deserve better. I think you should start digging through phone records,accounts, etc. Looking for clues. I'm sorry... You really do deserve better.
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Old 12-30-2012, 09:57 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cant seem to move on at all

I've checked his twitter account - nothing on there - everything else I don't have access to - cant check his mobile etc as I don't know how.
I wish he would just man up and tell me if there is someone else - at least I'm in the picture.
Even his best friend says there is no-one else - its just so unusual.

I just dont understand how he can be so happy and loving at our wedding and then change so drastically so quickly - unless there really is someone else

Does anyone think he will still have some feelings for me? At all
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Old 12-30-2012, 10:06 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cant seem to move on at all

What are your ages? I don't think I saw it.

Yeah, I agree. STOP asking him for one. He'll only hide it better. This very much does sound like OP.

I'm very sorry. I seem to see a lot of stories about people becoming married after being together so long and suddenly having this happen. Maybe it's got something to do with fear? NOW it's on paper, now it's official? I don't know. But what I do know is it sucks and is not fair.

Um. Sit in, strap in and hold on tight. It's about to get very bumpy. I'm so sorry. I truly hope things turn out well.
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Old 12-30-2012, 10:12 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cant seem to move on at all

We are 34 and 32

I just feel so lonely and let down - he was everything to me and I thought I was to him.

maybe marriage has spooked him? who knows. from my point of view I saw nothing change significantly - but for him he seems to feel completley trapped and much happier on his own away from us.
he will talk about divorce, he will talk about coming home to collect the rest of his things - but not about us as he is adamant that this is over and it is not good for him and we 'were not meant to be' - pity he didnt feel this way 7 months ago when we got married and committed everything together.
Its just so atrocious
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Old 12-30-2012, 10:29 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cant seem to move on at all

It's incredibly hurtful - and the 'I can't give you what you want' is pretending that he's doing it for your benefit when it sounds very much like he's doing it for someone else

My ex also denied that there was anyone else specific - but of course it turned out there was. He just didn't want to look like the bad guy and didn't want me to be able to say 'yes x was cheating on me'. You need to find this out from him, he needs to be a man and be honest. Only then can you decide what your next steps will be.
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Old 12-30-2012, 10:36 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cant seem to move on at all

My three time cheating husband was cheating on me the whole time we were engaged. We had a wonderful wedding and we were all full of love too. It wasnt until three weeks after we were married that he came clean. He was very capable of lying to my face and pretending that I was the most wonderful woman in the world. Each time he cheated he pretended that I was great. Now, that I look back, I see signs. They were very subtle, so I didn't see them at the time because I wanted to believe they were not true.

I don't know your situation. Only mine. This sounds soooo much lke there is some type of EA or something going on. 7 years and then this? Doesn't sit well with me.
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Old 12-30-2012, 02:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I wish he would just man up and tell me if there is someone else - at least I'm in the picture.
Even his best friend says there is no-one else..unless there really is someone else
ll
I've been the OW before... And it took me a long time to tell my BFF. I even adamantly lied to her. I'm only telling you because what he is doing sounds so spot on... You guts are same age as me too... By the time you're in your thirties you ha e more of an understanding of what you want. Alternatively he could just be having trouble with the letdown of all the excitement a wedding brings. After it is over there is somewhat of a down period once everyd life kicks back in. Is he somewhat of an attention seeker...likes spotlight?
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