Point of no return..yet still sad?!

mama2five · 12-29-2012, 10:02 PM

Ive bn reading posts for a few wks. Here is my story- ive bn married 7 yrs and we have 4 small children 6,5,3 and 10wks. My husband is a seriel cheater. I shouldve lft yrs ago..but like so many others i thought i could fix everything. Smh.. 2wks after we married he cheated he has 2 children prior to our marriage and thats who he wnt bk to..he cried he was sorry an i took him bk..i got preg with our first..that whole preg he went bk an forth btwn me an the ow. After our daugh was born things were ok then i got preg again..he startd heavily drinkin and being gone all hrs..and inevitably cheating again this time with a diff ow and also the mother of his other kids. This cont until our new daughter was 2mnths and i lft him. I took both of our dds an moved in with my dad. I had no contact with him for 9mnths. Then out of nowhere he contactd an wantd to see the kids. He cried how much he missd me an the kids and we ended up r and gettn a new place. Ff a few mnths i was preg again and he told me he cant do it
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mama2five · 12-29-2012, 10:12 PM

Do it anymore. So i was stuck 2 kids preg an no job. No way to pay rent. I had to move bk with my dad. My family hates my h. They want me to get a d so bad. I always say im done and go bk. Ugh its like a drug. I cant help myself an this needs to stop. So now i had minimal contact with him during this preg on the phone only. He admitted to being with another ow along with the 2 past ones. I calld him after our son was born he came to hosp and we ended up gettn bk 2gether again. He stayd 2 wks thn lft then stayd gone 6wks then came bk an stayd 2 mnths thn lft. Come to find out he was with another ow who lived directlx across the st from me and kids. There are so many incidents tht have happend it would take me 4ever to write. Ff 2yrs later and we now have another dd. He lft when i was 3 mnth preg. We had only phone contact thn he changd his numb. We spoke thru email then he gave me his new numb and came bk around was seeing kids in aug..sept..oct i had baby he came to hosp lft after she was born has seen her 5
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mama2five · 12-29-2012, 10:20 PM

Times. The last time we had sex was in sept after that he admittd to me there has bn many others..so not only does this affect my emotions but my health? I dnt get it. Why do i try to put up with so much? He has mentally an physically abused me so much. I always think if i do something else it will get better...he has blockd my texts my emails. I can only call and even then he will only belittle me and hang up. He blames me saxs my attitude sucks i dont respect him i dont know how to let the past go. .i ask to many ?s about why he cheatd..as i write this i realize i sound like a fool 4 allowing myself to go thru this over and over..i need to file 4 div..we are not goin to make it work..now we arent even talking. He has nothing to do with kids. Why am i so stupid? Why cant i let go? I always try to find ways to contact him for trivial reasons jus to see if he misses me but he is so hatful and mean i think its really over..sorry so long
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Can't believe it's over · 12-29-2012, 10:33 PM

You need to start respecting yourself. Stop chasing him, stop calling, texting, emailing etc. Read the 180 and follow it. He is using you. Don't contact him, not even about the kids, sounds like he won't help you anyway. File for divorce and get child support. If you need money now go to children services and get food stamps and tanif. They will go after him for child support. It is better to get child support and not tanif but if he won't pay you don't have a choice. But you have to remember the pain you are feeling right now if he tries to come back. He will leave again he has already proven it. It is better to cut the ties now once and for all, think of the kids the older they are the harder it will be on them. Also do you want your ds growing up thinking it is okay to be treated the way he treats you. Do you want you sons to learn to abuse their women like that. Get tough and stay tough. Keep chatting on here let us help you. I'm praying for you

lee101981 · 12-29-2012, 11:02 PM

He needs to get cut already!
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mama2five · 12-29-2012, 11:49 PM

I read the 180 a few days ago. I have had no contact with him since Christmas day. I dont know when I lost my self respect..its like ive been blinded for so long. I know if i leave him alone he will not bother with us. I wanted my kids to have a family with mom and dad. But your right i dont want my sons or daughters growing up thinking any of this is ok. I want better for them. I did file for cs a few yrs ago but he wont work and so far my state is NOT pressing the issue..ive called alot. They have him on a reporting order right now he has to go there once a mnth and show he is lookn for employment. I just got a part time job and ill do whats needed to make ends meet. I wish he wasnt getting off scott free.
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confused777 · 12-30-2012, 08:08 AM

You sound like such a strong woman. You have a job already and you're ready to move on. It would have been so easy for you to stay in that cycle, especially with so much invested and so much hope.

I applaud you. You're blessed to have your family's support so run with it.

When the going gets tough for your ex, he will no doubt try to manipulate you to get back into your life. Don't be his safety net, the best revenge is to be indifferent to him and happy in your own life. Even f you encounter difficulties, don't go back to him and keep trying. You will adjust to your new life and one day you'll look back and be happy that YOU had the courage to put yourself and your babies first.

Stella Moon · 12-30-2012, 09:15 AM

He's like your crack. You need to put the pipe down for good. Get into counseling and join a support group for domestic violence. Join something to keep you strong!

Enough of him. Your going through this because you allow it. Your his revolving door. Knock it off.

mama2five · 12-30-2012, 01:25 PM

Thank you all for your support and advice. Your right I do need to leave him alone for good. I am tired of being a doormat. Ive been reading on narcissim and it fits my h completely. Ive also been reading alot on codependancy. I have a long way to go and ill do it. Ill have bad days im sure ill come here to vent and im looking into counseling. How do i find a support group? I always thought my h would grow up this has taken the last 10 yr of my life 3 dating before marriage..we both turned 30 this yr..i am struggling not to contact him. And i know it will only bring me pain.
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indiecat · 12-30-2012, 01:29 PM

Narcissist can't love. They can use you, manipulate you and drain you.
If you contact him you will be sucked down the rabbit hole all over again. He knows the exact words to play your mind like a violin.
ACTIONS are what define people, not words. His actions of the past show what kind of man he truly is.
His words mean nothing.

Stella Moon · 12-30-2012, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mama2five

Thank you all for your support and advice. Your right I do need to leave him alone for good. I am tired of being a doormat. Ive been reading on narcissim and it fits my h completely. Ive also been reading alot on codependancy. I have a long way to go and ill do it. Ill have bad days im sure ill come here to vent and im looking into counseling. How do i find a support group? I always thought my h would grow up this has taken the last 10 yr of my life 3 dating before marriage..we both turned 30 this yr..i am struggling not to contact him. And i know it will only bring me pain.
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get into counseling...a counselor will know about support groups you can also google them in your county and see if anything comes up...make calls...
do anything to stay away..