So confused please help!!
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Old 12-29-2012, 11:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Post So confused please help!!

My wife came out of nowhere it seemed to me and said i want a divorce. Said she wasn't in love with me anymore and moved into her mother's. When we talked about it she said she is tired of being taken for granted and she felt like she was raising our daughter own her own. I will admit i didn't do everything i could of with the both of them, my wife and daughter. But i did make efforts where my wife would be to busy watching tv to hug me or kiss me. With the distance i felt she was creating i guess i added by stopped trying. She says she doesn't like how when we have an agruement i have to yell but she admits when we have arguements she purposly does things to make me mad. She has done things as well to hurt me i guess. But i always forgive her. I will also admit we did'nt have the best communication. I never felt like i could go to her with anything because she justs gets mad so i bottled it up and moved on. But as of right now we aren't together and our communication is better. However, its more of a one way street. She says exactly what she wants to me but if i do the same it upsets her and she says im throwing things in her face. While i was in the military my wife didn't work and was a full time student online. But never made time for me. No going out together and barely any sex. Before we seperated i asked her about it she said the reason is the was lazy. She never seemed interested in much sex but i am. But i have no problem with sex once a week if thats what she wants. And i have never cheated on her im willing to make comprimises to make her happy. We have been seperated now for almost 6 weeks. She says she wants to be with me and she thinks she loves me but her gut tells her i will go back to the way i used to be. she says i was lazy and selfish. Which i have been working on 24/7. I enrolled into school getting my associates in criminal justice and have become more pro active with my daughter. I never really knew how bad my marriage was until my wife left me. It really opened my eyes to the person i was and im disgusted by it. She told me she wish i would change, but now i am and she for the most part thinks divorce is the answer. As of right now our daughter spends time between houses. We have never had a problem with the time at either house. It's pretty much up to her if she wants her by her then our daughter goes. We have never had a disagreement about this. But my wife told me the other day she thinks a divorce will make it easier because then a court will deceide where my daughter goes and when. Which makes no sense to me. I know i took her for granted and now see it. I'm doing everything i possible can to change who i am. Which is working. But now it doesn't seem it's enough. She doesn't wear her wedding ring as where i continue too. When she moved all she took were her clothes and my daughters clothes nothing else. She says she needs time and space which time isn't a problem but space is proving difficult. She calls me every night so my daughter can tell me goodnight and vice versa but we always talk a little after that too but i always bring us up which upsets her. In her heart she wants to be with me but gut says otherwise. She said she thinks she loves me but that doesn't matter. I don't know what to do. Right now i am giving her the space we talk on the phone and i have seen her the past two days but i havent brought us up. We have a day set up where we will sit down and talk. Last time we did this she said i don't want a divorce i want to be with you but seperation needs to be right now. So i agreed. She can have all the time and space she needs i just don't want it to end in divorce. Whenever we see each other she hugs me when i leave. Today i talked to her on the phone just about her day and stuff and when we were getting off the phone i accidently said i love you. She actually started to say it she said i love..then she giggled and said bye. Ilike to think thats a good sign. I love my wife more now then i ever have because i realize my mistakes and feel terrible. Will do anything to be with her again. So confused, and im so sorry about the long post but this is the first time i have talked about this. So much to say and im sure i can think of more but ill stop for now. Thank you for reading and your input will be greatly appreciated. have a good day.
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:45 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: So confused please help!!

My wife said the same thing. That I would fix it and it would go right back to how it was, but I told her "How will you know if you don't give it a chance?".
She just responded she can't do it and that it's not there anymore.
I've done everything to try to get my wife to give me another chance and nothing has worked.

I know it's something you don't want to hear, as I did not want to hear it when I first came to this site. But if she is emotionally checked out there is no getting her back. Begging and pleading doesn't work (I've tried), doing nice gestures doesn't work (I've tried waiting for her outside work with flowers and have flowers delivered as she was at work).

Nothing works, there's no changing their mind, there's no way to make them give you a second chance. It's all up to them whether they want to or not. My advice to all who are in the same boat as me is to start the 180.
Start doing things that make you happy and keep your mind off of her and sadly to say but prepare for the worse and don't give yourself false hope as it will save yourself a lot of heart break over and over (I learned the hard way).
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:06 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by StephenG View Post
My wife said the same thing. That I would fix it and it would go right back to how it was, but I told her "How will you know if you don't give it a chance?".
She just responded she can't do it and that it's not there anymore.
I've done everything to try to get my wife to give me another chance and nothing has worked.

I know it's something you don't want to hear, as I did not want to hear it when I first came to this site. But if she is emotionally checked out there is no getting her back. Begging and pleading doesn't work (I've tried), doing nice gestures doesn't work (I've tried waiting for her outside work with flowers and have flowers delivered as she was at work).

Nothing works, there's no changing their mind, there's no way to make them give you a second chance. It's all up to them whether they want to or not. My advice to all who are in the same boat as me is to start the 180.
Start doing things that make you happy and keep your mind off of her and sadly to say but prepare for the worse and don't give yourself false hope as it will save yourself a lot of heart break over and over (I learned the hard way).
Did u send ur letter?
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