Is this a good or bad idea??
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Old 12-29-2012, 11:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Is this a good or bad idea??

My wife separated from me over a month now, I have had no contact with her and I've heard nothing more from her on the divorce.

When we first separated I made plans to go with OW to Tennessee for a little get away, somehow my wife found out and on the phone she sounded very upset and got angry.

The first night she left I did my begging and pleading for another chance and she said no..

Well now here I am today and I have heard nothing from my wife about her wanting to fix things with me. I am suppose to leave for Tennessee in the early morning, but I have this feeling that if she were to find out I went then "IF" she had any thought of fixing us it will be shot the pieces.
The OW has already bought her plane ticket and everything and I am driving 8 hours to meet her at the airport so I would feel bad if I backed out, but then on the other hand I am nervous I would blow my chance if I had one with my wife on reconciliation..
Even more nervous if by some miracle she text me WHILE I'm in Tennessee...

I've also got my wife's phone records coming to me, so I should have them by the time I get back from the trip and if I see nothing fishy in there I intend to send a letter to her as my last shot in the dark to try to get her to fix things with me.

Do I go on the trip?
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Old 12-29-2012, 11:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this a good or bad idea??

Are you kidding me? You want to fix things with your wife but you're going to go on vacation with your mistress in the interim and wonder if it's ok?
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Old 12-29-2012, 11:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this a good or bad idea??

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Are you kidding me? You want to fix things with your wife but you're going to go on vacation with your mistress in the interim and wonder if it's ok?
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It would not be a hard choice if my wife gave my ANY kind of sign that she was considering giving us another chance, but this entire time she has given me nothing.

Every talk i have had with her she had told me "I'm sorry i can't do it"
"What we have is broken and can't be mended"
"You know that feeling when you look at someone and you love them? When I look at you now I don't feel that"

Things like that were/are said anytime I bring up wanting to fix us when she first moved out.

How is that any sign that she may want to try?
How is that a valid reason why I should put my life on hold to wait for her to possibly give me still no hope.
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Old 12-29-2012, 11:53 PM   #4 (permalink)
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If you want to reconcile..WHY is there an ow?
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Old 12-29-2012, 11:55 PM   #5 (permalink)
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If you want to reconcile..WHY is there an ow?
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It's an old friend who I used to always talk to and when everything went to hell and my wife left she was there for me to talk to and then this whole trip went a mile a minute for a get away.

She lives too far away to even become date able and she isn't then one to just throw herself out there so nothing is going to happen on the trip and I also have no intentions.
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Old 12-30-2012, 01:27 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this a good or bad idea??

no 'jaw drop' smilie

shame
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Old 12-30-2012, 01:41 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this a good or bad idea??

Yeah, good luck getting your wife to believe you are even interested in trying again, when she knows you have an OW -- and that you're running off on vacation with her.

Your actions are speaking quite loudly to her. I'm glad for her sake that she's listening.
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Old 12-30-2012, 02:29 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Yeah, good luck getting your wife to believe you are even interested in trying again, when she knows you have an OW -- and that you're running off on vacation with her.

Your actions are speaking quite loudly to her. I'm glad for her sake that she's listening.
She left me. She has known this entire time I didn't want her to leave and that I wanted to work us out and she says no to it and that she doesn't want to.
This is the first time I've gone out with this woman and the first time I've talked to a woman since we separated.
I've tried since the first day my wife left to try to get her and I back together and she says she don't want to, she's made no attempts to work us out or anything.
Reconciliation doesn't seem to be in the forecast for my wife
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Old 12-30-2012, 02:53 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this a good or bad idea??

Well, your thread title asks for others' opinions as to whether or not your trip w/ OW is a good idea. EVERYONE who has responded has told that they think it's a bad idea. Yet, you've defended yourself and your choice each time. If you already know what you really want to do, and I believe you're planning on doing it, I just wonder why you're asking for opinions.
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Old 12-30-2012, 02:57 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this a good or bad idea??

I hear what you're saying StephenG.

Any sort of R does not seem to be on the cards for my wife either. But you know something. There has been no infidelity in our marriage so far as I can tell and I sure as hell will NOT be going down that route. Until I have given up on my marriage I will stay faithful. Sure it feels a little stupid in the sense she says no chance, but this bit isn't about what she says or wants. It's about being able to look myself in the mirror.

I cant profess to want her back and be with another woman at the same time, the two are mutually exclusive. If you can honestly say you have done all you can or intend to and have given up, go for it with OW.

If you REALLY want your wife back (regardless of the chance of it happening) you can't go cake eating?
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Old 12-30-2012, 03:31 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Well, your thread title asks for others' opinions as to whether or not your trip w/ OW is a good idea. EVERYONE who has responded has told that they think it's a bad idea. Yet, you've defended yourself and your choice each time. If you already know what you really want to do, and I believe you're planning on doing it, I just wonder why you're asking for opinions.
From nothing but criticism. Nothing to explain why you have your opinion.

K.C raises valid points and explained whereas yours is just like I'm the bad guy
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Old 12-30-2012, 03:44 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this a good or bad idea??

ok I'll give you a valid reason

you want to reconcile with your wife (you say)
yet only a month out and before the marital bed is even cold you're going on a trip with another woman. What message does this give to your wife? That it was easy for her to be cast aside for someone else. That you're not willing to fight for her. You say you want to reconcile but you want HER to do all the work and because she's not dancing to your tune you're seriously contemplating taking another woman away

Also you don't give any background - why are you separating, what has led up to this?
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Old 12-30-2012, 08:56 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this a good or bad idea??

Yeah Stephan - if you want to reconcile and repair( and it seems you do from your previous posts) a getaway with an OW is a sure way to guarantee that your marriage is over. It 'probably' is anyway and if you want to give up and move on, go on the trip. If you are truly not ready to give up don't go on the trip. Call the OW and cancel- pay her for her ticket. Seems like a no brainer.
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Old 12-30-2012, 08:58 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this a good or bad idea??

And maybe it wasn't spelled out as clearly as Dolly's post, but I was saying the same thing. Your actions (having an OW & planning a trip with her) are not the actions of someone wanting to reconcile, no matter what you said the first night when she left (from your OP), or how many times you sent her flowers (from what you posted in another thread). I agree with Dolly - if you want us to see your side, we need to know more.
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Old 12-30-2012, 09:05 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this a good or bad idea??

StephenG:

I have to admit that JUST BASED ON YOUR INITIAL POST, it sounded like your trip was with a woman WITH WHOM YOU HAD BEEN CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE! Of course people were kicking you!

1. Woman on trip is NOT someone you have/will be intimate with, correct?

2. WHY did your wife leave a month ago? Was infidelity involved on the part of you or your wife?

3. You want VERY MUCH to reconcile with your wife, but SHE is saying 'never gonna happen'. HOWEVER, she then turns around and gets angry/hurt because you're going on a vacay with some other woman, correct?

4. Is it possible that wife is angry because you promised to take HER on a vacay and never got around to it so it's kind of a trigger for her?

5. If you want the possibility of reconciliation (although you acknowledge the chances are slim), you better NOT go on this vacay with your woman-friend because you ALREADY KNOW your wife is unhappy/angry about it.

6. Are you figuring that wife was cheating on YOU and THAT is why she left you? Is that why the phone records? If she was, are you intending to take the vacay anyway, or will it be too late? If not, will you call the vacay off?
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