help on separation
This is my first time on here. I just needed to come on and read others situations and get some guidance and re assurance.
I have been with my partner for nearly 11 years now, I fell pregnant and had our first son very soon into the relationship. We were young and absolutely head over heels with each other. We have now got a second son who will be five soon.
I have been the full time worker studying and working mum for 9 years and my partner has done the school runs and stayed at home being an artist.
the past 2 years, things have changed. I really supported him through his art and wanted him to be happy to do what he needed to. He has had quite a few jobs etc, but we do seem to struggle. The last while i have just been loosing interest and have not felt the same about him, I have fallen out of love with him! I find myself thinking of a life where i am free and can be happy and not feel so guilty for not being able to give him the love he needs.
I ended up being friendly with someone i worked with and we started sending emails. This made me feel excited and happy. My partner found out and we ended up going through a rough time and trying to sort through it.
Things have never been the same since. We went to councelling I saw a psychologist - i live with a mental illness and changed meds, and I still cant find the love in my heart that he deserves! I know he deserves so much better than what i can give him. We have now discussed and he has respected my decission to separate.
Even since our discussion, I feel a hell of a lot of anxiety has lifted. I just feel so terrible and wish i didnt have to put such a great guy through this, but my heart tells me its the right thing. We have a overseas holiday booked for next month and have decided to still take the kids together.
We are still in the same place and starting discussions of how it is all going to work, and I feel so scared re kids, house, another car who goes where?!?!
any advice would be appreciated and thanks for letting me share