Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Going Through Divorce or Separation » Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

Like Tree2Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-27-2013, 05:20 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 128
Default Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

I've been married for 3 years, together for 4. I'm 31. She's 27. No kids. I've been financially supporting her, but my income has decreased significantly. She doesn't work.

My wife and I talked after she had left for a family visit for over a month, when she became more and more distant and angry towards me. I remained calm and listened. She told me everything that's been bothering her with our relationship and cried through most of it. She says it's half my family and half me, and she went through a list of why. She dreams of a happy life with her in-laws, but said she will never have that with me. She thinks my mother and brother hate her and always will. She also thought that I never stood up to them enough when defending her. She says that they've caused our relationship to go down and down.

As for me, she said I've been overly critical of her repeatedly over the past 3 years about her clothes, body, our sex life and even her choice of shows she likes. She says I don't take her out to dance enough, and I'm unhappy when I do. She brought up trips that we've taken that she didn't think I was excited for. She's been waiting for me to give her a dream wedding because we eloped when we got married. She feels that I haven't been trying to have the wedding and get her new ring because I've bought other things instead, and she's been waiting 3 years. She thinks I'm too impatient and get angry as a result, which pushes her away more and more.

She doesn't think I will change. She thinks I will always be too impatient and critical. And she knows my family will never change. She said that she doesn't want me or my family to change if we tried because she thinks it would be fake and not a natural change.

She's given up on me. She says things have gone too far to where she doesn't care anymore. She won't see a marriage counselor. She's done with me.

I'm heartbroken. We both still said we love each other. I got a little emotional because I know my impatience and criticism is coming from my financial and family stress, and I told her that I wish she could see that and let me get help. I know I've wronged her so many times. I've been under constant stress since we got married, and I have plenty of low points where I lash out. I haven't been the same person she first met. I don't have enough money for her dream wedding and ring. I know I need help and want to get it. She said it didn't matter and it's too late. I asked her to at least take some time to think about what I said and not make a decision yet. She said her mind was made up before she came to talk. She wants to end it. Once she makes up her mind that's it.

We ended our talk calmly. We hugged a few times. I told her I love her and hope she will at least consider what I said about getting help. I don't think she will change her mind. I think it's over. She's taking her things and leaving tomorrow. I feel like such a fool and a jerk.

Last edited by mr.mike; 01-27-2013 at 05:42 AM.
mr.mike is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-27-2013, 08:37 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
HappyKaty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: SC
Posts: 978
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

Why doesn't she work?
__________________
"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets."
HappyKaty is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 08:47 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 128
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

I take care of her financially. She had part time jobs before we moved here. It was more to keep her busy, and so I would have time to myself for my work from home. She looked for a job when we moved here, but gave up after one interview. This was over 6 months ago. I told her she would have to get a job when she got back for her long family visit, which would be now.
mr.mike is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 08:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 148
Default Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

I'm sorry. This is a rough spot to be in. I know from my own MC a lot of that can be addressed through it. So go to a few sessions.. Tell her it's even find closure if you want and when you're there the counselor will ask why you're here and you both get to tell your side of the story. Maybe she'll gain some perspective.
ChknNoodleSoup is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 08:52 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
HappyKaty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: SC
Posts: 978
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mr.mike View Post
I take care of her financially. She had part time jobs before we moved here. It was more to keep her busy, and so I would have time to myself for my work from home. She looked for a job when we moved here, but gave up after one interview. This was over 6 months ago. I told her she would have to get a job when she got back for her long family visit, which would be now.

So, she's an entitled princess...
__________________
"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets."
HappyKaty is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 09:02 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 128
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyKaty View Post
So, she's an entitled princess...
Yes, she has been taken care of her whole life by her rich father. She's from another country, and he cut her off financially when she decided to stay here. Soon after that, I met her. I didn't have a problem taking care of her financially at first. But my debt has grown and my income decreased, which has led to so much stress and me battling depression.
mr.mike is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 09:03 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Dollystanford's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,161
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

So tell me again what she brings to the marriage?
Posted via Mobile Device
Dollystanford is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 09:05 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 128
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChknNoodleSoup View Post
I'm sorry. This is a rough spot to be in. I know from my own MC a lot of that can be addressed through it. So go to a few sessions.. Tell her it's even find closure if you want and when you're there the counselor will ask why you're here and you both get to tell your side of the story. Maybe she'll gain some perspective.
She refused MC repeatedly when I asked her during our talk. She doesn't think it will do any good. It's too late. We're broken.
mr.mike is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 09:09 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 128
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dollystanford View Post
So tell me again what she brings to the marriage?
Posted via Mobile Device
She does household work like cooking all our meals, the laundry and cleaning the kitchen. She goes grocery shopping. Other than that, not much besides love.
mr.mike is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 09:10 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
HappyKaty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: SC
Posts: 978
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mr.mike View Post
She refused MC repeatedly when I asked her during our talk. She doesn't think it will do any good. It's too late. We're broken.
Or...

It's too late. She wants more money.
__________________
"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets."
HappyKaty is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 09:11 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Dollystanford's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,161
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

Not much evidence of love - just blaming you for all the perceived wrongs In the marriage with no insight into her own possible failings no? I take it daddy would support her again if she went running back to him?
Posted via Mobile Device
Dollystanford is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 09:23 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 128
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dollystanford View Post
Not much evidence of love - just blaming you for all the perceived wrongs In the marriage with no insight into her own possible failings no? I take it daddy would support her again if she went running back to him?
Posted via Mobile Device
No insight really besides her saying that we're incompatible because I'm too impatient and she's very patient. Also, she says we have different interests that don't mix like me wanting to stay home watching movies and her wanting to go out to dance.

Her dad has been trying to get her to come back to him since he cut off support. He doesn't know we eloped. I have since met him and asked for his permission to marry her, which he granted a couple years ago. But, he thinks she's just messing with me now and should come back if we're not getting married.
mr.mike is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 09:30 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 356
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

So, she rebelled against Daddy but now that your income has dropped it ain't so much fun anymore? My bet is Daddy agreed to turn the gravy train back on if she leaves you and she chose the money. Sorry for your pain, but I would advise you let her go and be thankful you never got around to having any kids. Look at some of her gripes to see that she is little more than an entitled child. What kind of future do you see with her?
Posted via Mobile Device
zookeeper is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 09:31 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 128
Default Re: Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?

Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyKaty View Post
Or...

It's too late. She wants more money.
I don't think she wants money. She could have that if she went back to live with her father. She's planning to sign her car that I bought her over to me today. She also will probably want to divorce me without lawyers. She does want security, sure, which is fine with me. But, unfortunately I can't afford the fancy ring and wedding that she has wanted for 3 years. It makes me feel like such a loser.
mr.mike is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-27-2013, 09:32 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 356
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mr.mike View Post
No insight really besides her saying that we're incompatible because I'm too impatient and she's very patient. Also, she says we have different interests that don't mix like me wanting to stay home watching movies and her wanting to go out to dance.

Her dad has been trying to get her to come back to him since he cut off support. He doesn't know we eloped. I have since met him and asked for his permission to marry her, which he granted a couple years ago. But, he thinks she's just messing with me now and should come back if we're not getting married.
So you say she is very patient, but unwilling to invest some time and effort into marriage counseling? Doesn't make sense to me.
Posted via Mobile Device
zookeeper is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My wife is leaving me... HurtingHusband Considering Divorce or Separation 1 11-20-2011 10:09 PM
My wife is leaving DougB Going Through Divorce or Separation 8 10-03-2011 08:27 PM
Thinking of leaving wife - Letter to wife jonmon General Relationship Discussion 37 04-22-2011 05:51 PM
My Wife is Leaving Me Orionpdx The Men's Clubhouse 2 04-30-2010 05:14 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:58 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.