How to deal with wife who moves OM in with our kids - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-28-2013, 05:59 AM Thread Starter
staystrong's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2012
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How to deal with wife who moves OM in with our kids

I'm trying to decide how to speak to my children (two girls aged 3 and 6) about STBXW and OM.

I feel my wife deeply betrayed me and my family. My details are in another thread but I want to focus on the OM moving in situation and get some advice.

Several weeks after D-Day, my wife and I were "bird-nesting" our kids (we took turns watching them at our place). Wife botched the separation talk with the girls and said "Mommy and Daddy do not love each other any more" and "Mommy has a new boyfriend". She proceeded to introduce our girls to him a few times after that. I was very upset about all of this - I thought it was too fast and too soon.

The real blow was when I soon left for 2 months to return to my home country (to regain my sanity and be with family and friends) and my wife moves OM in three days after I left. She said she told me "he'd be staying there" and that I agreed to it. Hell no. She claims that due to his job he is only there a few nights a week. For me that's a few night too many.

I'm trying to handle this as best I can. I'm very angry about it but there's not much I can do about it at this point. I returned and have a new place to live (my plan all along) and she is moving out soon as well.

I told my oldest girl (6 years old) that I wasn't going into the old apartment because I do not like OM.

Just looking for some guidance with regards to the kids. I feel I am in the right that wife has behaved extremely inexcusably.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-28-2013, 08:51 AM
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Location: East Coast
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Re: How to deal with wife who moves OM in with our kids

You need to talk to a lawyer ASAP and see if it's possible that the divorce can have a stipulation that no un-related males can do overnight stays with the children in the house/apartment. This is actually quite a standard arrangement when it comes to child custody

Call your lawyer TODAY
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-28-2013, 11:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: How to deal with wife who moves OM in with our kids

We're both moving out. I'm already out of the apartment. I do not have a lawyer yet and we're trying to do a cooperative divorce because we can't afford a battle. We haven't seen a lawyer yet - still searching for one who speaks English fluently.

I'm pissed she put me in this spot. I have every right to go over there but now I'm concerned if he is there when I arrive it will be a big scene in front of the girls. I don't want that.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-28-2013, 11:33 AM
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Re: How to deal with wife who moves OM in with our kids

Sweetie, a cooperative divorce only works when the two parties cooperate. She isn't. She is not respecting joint decisions concerning the welfare of the children. She will not stop, why should she. She will continue to do exactly what she wants to until someone makes her stop. That will be a judge.
I am sorry you have to go through this. Sending hugs to a good dad.
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