Don't want to hold on, but not ready to let go
We have agreed to divorce and everything has been amicable between us and we are still on good terms. He's still my best friend, feels like family to me. Even though he initiated the divorce, I have come to see that it's for the best. There are just certain things about him that will never change and that I'm not going to be able to accept. I want more from my marriage than I will be able to get from him, and there is a huge sense of relief that I no longer have to try to make something work that just isn't working.
But... how do you let go of the things that were good, the things that worked, the things that kept you going for all those years? It's not that I want him to come back... but it's just so hard to have him actually gone. I miss talking to him, coming home from work and seeing him there. It's just the little things. Our boring, mundane week nights. Pausing our tv shows to talk for a couple minutes, laugh, then watch again. Running errands together and taking care of chores around the house. Those things just felt so NORMAL and now everything is different. What do you do with all of the good things that existed in the relationship? What happens to that and where does it go?
We are hoping to stay friends and it's still so nice to just see him, spend time with him, talk to him, go out to eat. But then there's sadness about everything else that we don't do anymore - I just miss living with him. Like I said, it's not that I want him back... I just feel lonely a lot and notice his absence in a million little ways every day.
I've been keeping myself busy with family and friends, and I'm lucky to have lots of support. But when I have a great night out with friends, HE is the person I want to call and tell all about it. And my friends go home to their husbands and I go home alone.
If it's possible to stay friends, how do you separate your feelings as friends from your feelings as spouses? Has anyone else tried to stay friends? How did you do it?