Hi All -
Is it too early to start dreading Valentine's Day?
Last year at this time, I was still with my H, although things were tense and he was talking of moving out, which had me in a state of anxiety. Even so, he gave me a lovely Valentine's Day card and took me out for a nice dinner. He moved out in early April, and in the beginning, I had more hope that this would be temporary, but he has not made any overtures toward reconciliation.
I've done my best to stick to the 180, so I do not initiate contact with him. However, I get conflicting advice on whether and how to respond when he asks to get together socially -- e.g. a movie, sports event, or dinner -- which he has done occasionally since the separation (more in the early months than the past several months). It is my understanding he does not want to be married any more and that he will be filing for divorce -- we have already divided our assets and have no kids so there is nothing standing the way. I have told him I won't try to prevent it, but I think he will be making a huge mistake if he files, and I am sad that he did not want to try harder to save the marriage.
I know the best thing would be to just let V. Day pass, and send cards to family and friends. I did make plans to be out of the country, relaxing on a warm beach next week (yippeee!!!!) -- though it will be my first real vacation without my H
But instead of doing nothing about V. Day (as I probably should have) just for the hell of it, I am having sent to him a collage photograph of images from our life together (made easily in 2 minutes on PicCollage app, and costs $2,00 to have made into a postcard and mailed). The message on the back just says, "Dear ___, I will always cherish all the great memories of the many good times we shared together. XOXO"
I am prepared to take sh*t for this, but at this point I just feel like I have nothing to lose, and don't feel invested in his reaction, one way or the other. He was an important person in my life -- THE most important for a long time. Yes, my happiness does not depend on him or anything outside myself, but he is the love of my life and for me, being without him has been like learning to live without a limb.
I would be interested in hearing what folks are doing for Valentine's Day, if you are going through separation or divorce. I know it is not the easiest holiday for the broken hearted, so I hope folks find ways to celebrate love in their lives -- love of family, friends and self, if not of an estranged spouse :-)
Cheers and best wishes, - A12