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Old 08-26-2009, 12:08 AM   #136 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Brilliant post, D
Agreed.

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Originally Posted by DeniseK View Post
I'm here to tell you that judges don't like petty crap. They only want the serious stuff...like her little "friendship" that is something the judge will take seriously. the phone calls and stuff is just going to make him ill. No judge wants to sit through he said she said crap.

The only things that matter are abuse....infidelity....neglect ...abandonment....not much else will matter. In fact it will look childish. Heck my mediator didn't even care about the fact that Nick might be on steroids. So....that should tell you something. All they want is to shut you up and get it over with.

I suggest bringing up the infidelity. You have a big case on that and you do not have to prove it was physical. Also this doesn't mean you have to take the girls from her....judges dont' like to do that any way...unless it's really necessary. But...she does need to see that she didn't get away with her actions....there are always consequences and your daughters are going to pay the highest price here. She should feel bad and take responsiblity for her part in this.

Sorry for the tone but I am really aggrivated that some women have men willing to try hard to change and just throw that away....I wish Nick had gone this far....made a milisec of the effort some of the guys on here are making.

Women wake up.....No man is gonna be perfect....and only the good ones are willing to try.....Wait till mr. perfect turns out to be a giant toad.
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Old 08-26-2009, 12:22 AM   #137 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Hi 2kids,

How're you?

You know what came to me when I read your posts, especially about wife not cooking. She is dependent. She is replacing the OM with you, b/c she is too weak to go through this divorce by herself or justify it. This is an immature type of personality disorder. She sounds like she's regressing into her teenage years, where she is giggling on the phone with her new boy-friend. I believe dependent personality d/o is the most immature type vs. humor which is the most mature, which seems to be you. Therefore you have an immature and mature person together, this says a lot.

Have you ever accompanied the wife to her counselling sessions? There is behavioral modification and medication for these d/o's.

Also, why are you always saying: "I really pi$$ed her off today." Dang it, good, what's she going to do, throw a tempter tantrum. Let her...

Lastly, I DO NOT recc Kayaking to anyone out there, blisters on both thumb bases. Ppl expected hubby and I to be at it by the end of the session, they thought it was some sort of marriage counselling. We were both laughing so hard, b/c we were paddling and hitting each other as we tried to race our way out of the water and out of that place...

Apologies to be away so long, work=hectic...

Good news, I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Here:
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Old 08-26-2009, 12:29 AM   #138 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Quote:
Also, why are you always saying: "I really pi$$ed her off today." Dang it, good, what's she going to do, throw a tempter tantrum. Let her...
Just observations from what I see i her expressions and behavior. I did not do anything different than I normally do, as I take care of the house in the morning. Her reactions are different. She is realizing that this will be gone soon, at least that is what I see. In a phone conversation she confessed that she is scared as she is not going to be one of the happy family group in church any more, since she is now in divorceland.

Airee: Did my PM explain things? You would have a field day with me...
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Old 08-26-2009, 12:31 AM   #139 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Quote:
This is an immature type of personality disorder. She sounds like she's regressing into her teenage years, where she is giggling on the phone with her new boy-friend. I believe dependent personality d/o is the most immature type vs. humor which is the most mature, which seems to be you. Therefore you have an immature and mature person together, this says a lot.
[Head spinning round]... Huh? Says a lot... says what?
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Old 08-26-2009, 12:34 AM   #140 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by no1.daddy2kids View Post
Just observations from what I see i her expressions and behavior. I did not do anything different than I normally do, as I take care of the house in the morning. Her reactions are different. She is realizing that this will be gone soon, at least that is what I see. In a phone conversation she confessed that she is scared as she is not going to be one of the happy family group in church any more, since she is now in divorceland.

Airee: Did my PM explain things? You would have a field day with me...
That was a rhetorical question, silly billy! You need to realize how you put her emotions on a pedestal...

Ya, I told you, she is dependent. Now you need to seriously follow my advice in my PM to you and above. She needs to see a psychiatrist & you need to go with her to at least one session...

What PM, I didn't get a PM, I got the how was your trip one? What did you do 2kids??? Field day, oh boy!

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Old 08-26-2009, 12:42 AM   #141 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Quote:
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[Head spinning round]... Huh? Says a lot... says what?
Dependent is immature; Humor is mature

Dependent is as to your wife as humor is to you.

Therefore an immature PD (similar to a child) needs a mature personality to survive. If times get tough and the mature personality is not "playing" with the immature PD, you go and find another immature PD to "play" with, so that the immature can feel OK with themselves.

It explains how she is coping with her mid-life manic crisis.

I dont' really consider humor a personality disorder, it's a trait, we all have it. Your wife exhibits psychiatric problems. I can't say for sure, but they do warrrant a physician/psychiatrist visit.

Just by reading, she sounds manic, depressed, immature/dependent personality disorder. If this is the case there is therapy for this...

Is your wife super-clingy? Can't make decisions? Does she go on erratic shopping sprees? Does she wear excessive make-up? Does she talk quite fast? Does she have mood swings? Is it an all-nothing with her?
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Old 08-26-2009, 12:49 AM   #142 (permalink)
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Quote:
Just by reading, she sounds manic, depressed, immature/dependent personality disorder. If this is the case there is therapy for this...

Is your wife super-clingy? Can't make decisions? Does she go on erratic shopping sprees? Does she wear excessive make-up? Does she talk quite fast? Does she have mood swings? Is it an all-nothing with her?
Geez, have you met her? she has ALWAYS been depressed. yes, on the decisions. eehhh on the shopping, although she likes ebay. Yes, on the makeup, althogh I am not a makeup person. eehhh on the talking. Mood swings - DEFINATELY! all or nothing - DEFINATELY!

I sent a PM with my history and my discovery, unless I screwed up the PM. Answer to the I don't know what you did...
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Old 08-26-2009, 01:03 AM   #143 (permalink)
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Yes, I did get that PM, I read it twice actually on my cellphone...I didn't have a chance to reply, but I still think you're making excuses for her. So what if you were too late to come around. I've read all your posts by the way, I just haven't memorized all the facts as I'm not an internet stalker . I mean if my hubby came around, that means he came around. Not, oh you're too late, so I'm going to throw away my ten years of marriage to be with this OM.

She needs a good psychiatrist. Answer to the questions aren't clear cut. I can't say by just reading off the internet. Diagnoses aren't made this way. Based on what I'm hearing, this mandates a health & wellness exam by a psychiatrist. Now this doesn't mean it's going to save your marriage, perhaps it would give you a better understanding of what's going on and that YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. There are 5 stages to loss/grief, described by Kubler, Ross: denial, anger, bargainning, acceptance, depression...not in this specific order, ppl go through it at different orders. You are A CLASSIC BARGAINNER. Do not bargain with yourself. You ARE NOT AT FAULT.

I know what you're going to say to me next. "But this has been going on for 5 years. See my previous posts." I know, snap out of it. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

AGAIN, my friend. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOURSELF, NOT HER. DO NOT NOT NOT LET HER TAKE OVER YOUR MIND. Quite frankly this is your biggest mistake as I'm not sure your wife has a stable mind...what kind of a person let's someone without a stable mind, dictate theirs? Someone going through loss/grief, you are bargainning, time to move on to ACCEPTANCE...

Really got to get some sleep now...PONDER, THINK, DON'T MAKE EXCUSES FOR ME CUZ I'M GETTING CRANKY WITHOUT MY SLEEP. We'll talk about it 2morrow.

Hugs my internet friend,
A
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Old 08-26-2009, 06:29 AM   #144 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Airee: I understand. Posts on the internet are no substitute for a dr visit. Thank you so much for your thoughts and insight. I'll see what I can do. I mean, she is the mother of our children, but she is single focused on ending this and nothing else seems to matter. Nothing else gets in the way anymore. Because of the aggressiveness directed towards me, I really think all I can do is stand aside. Not sure what I would do if she wanted to come back either. I mean, yes, I care about her, but too much hurts right now, and it is an angry kind of hurt. I don't like that.

Oh, and just to clarify.. This is not my fault, right? (smiley for you)

Last edited by no1.daddy2kids; 08-26-2009 at 07:46 AM.
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Old 08-26-2009, 11:39 AM   #145 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Hi 2kids!

Yes, YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT!!! (loved it!)

"I mean, yes, I care about her, but too much hurts right now, and it is an angry kind of hurt. I don't like that."

It's OK that you don't like it, because you still want to bargain and not accept it, that's probably why you don't like it. But you are entitled to feel that way and you should bask in it's comfort.

If you can, do your best to take her. If it's impossible you've done your best, and you should be comforted by that!

So, what's crackalacking (I'm preparing you for your kids, means going on) at work today?

(haha, this smiley looks PISSED!)

Gotta run,
A
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Old 08-26-2009, 03:45 PM   #146 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Quote:
So, what's crackalacking (I'm preparing you for your kids, means going on) at work today?
You are so much more into it than I. Just mess after mess. need to do some redesign for 15 yo equipment as we don't even have parts to keep it running... ugh... gotta run..
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Old 08-26-2009, 07:09 PM   #147 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Well...I have to say Airee...I have missed you. Glad you are back....the smilies are hilarious....how do you do it? lol.

I can't say I disagree with you....definately won't put kyaking on my bucket list....LOL

I think you should tick her off more often...no1. I mean....I think Airee's right...let her have her temportantrum. It's not like she can threaten you with divorce...ahh she already has.....right?
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Old 08-26-2009, 07:34 PM   #148 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Hiya D !

How are ya??? Well I'm good. 2kids, we're highjacking
your thread !

Ya, def do NOT add, kayaking to the bucket list! No, thank you! Those kayaks need motors on them!

Yep, I will def internet divorce 2kids, but not ya, you're a keeper ! Haha, j/k! But, I really think I'm right on this one, 2kids W seems to have serious psychiatric problems, from what it sounds like, although I definitiely can't be sure...

You and 2kids seem to have the same story going on. I sure hope you 2 can get through these times with each others friendship. I kinda feel like I can't really speak from experience, all I can provide to you 2 is funnies linked with some insight & smiley faces...

You're both in my thoughts!
A
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Old 08-26-2009, 07:44 PM   #149 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

hijack away [SIGH]... I guess I can't control the women in my life....

Quote:
Yep, I will def internet divorce 2kids
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Old 08-26-2009, 08:14 PM   #150 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Love the funnies....and smilie faces....

NO1 doesn't mind if we hijack his thread...right? lol

Yep....If i make it out with my sanity...I'll be happy. But one thing good has come out of this...some of the people I have met on here.....you guys are great. I have definately made some buddies.

I like that nick name you have for him...2kids....lol. Sounds like a Cherokee name..... (I have an indian grandmother....Cherokee)

...lol. So funny.

keep it up.
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