This year she got stuff basically from the kids. And the cards were made from the kids. Nothing from her. However, we were not at this stage. that was 3 months prior to the OM
birthday is the weirdest time. more so than anniversary or any other holiday. it's the one time they can "oops" you and not be held responsible. y'know, it's not their birthday, huh?
i got a lot of stuff from the kids. but the most touching thing i got was a "happy birthday" phone call from beth. she was emotional (not weepy) about it, i heard it in her voice. i studded up until she hung up. then i cried like a little baby.
christmas is ours. it starts the morning after thanksgiving. we have a big ol' breakfast together, watch christmas classic movie till we fall asleep, shop late and begin decorating. we did it all last yr (our first christmas of separation) and it had great meaning.
do what makes YOU feel good. if it makes you feel good to buy a cake, buy a cake. if it makes you feel good to send flowers, send flowers.
Apparently I am the AntiChrist. I left a couple of socks balled up in the laundry.
W is having a hard time coming down from Celexa. I think that is more the issue... Doc said to just stop taking them. She doesn't think she needs them now that OM is in her life and he makes everything perfect.
One should never follow the opinions of someone online. The information I am providing below is my knowlege and research and should NOT be followed without contacting your own health care provider.
It is my understanding that all anti-depressants need to be discontinued in a step-down fashion. Are you sure this is what the physician said? Sometimes, ppl hear what they want to hear, especially psychiatry patients. I believe Citalopram causes anxiety, mood-laibility, etc on abrupt d/c...Some anti-depressants have the well-known side effect of increased risk of suicidal ideations upon abrupt d/c.
Are you sure this is an MD? Not a psychologist or a therapist (MSW) or PA/NP? In some states the latter have prescription writing priveleges.
Did you hear the MD say she can discontinue the Celexa yourself? Perhaps the Celexa was contraindicated (ie. pregnancy). The mayo clinic had a lay article on Celexa causing lung problems (PPHN) in the NB in the last trimester of the pregnancy.
Your W, sounds Bipolar aka Manic/Depressive. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder. Read the signs and symptoms. It may also be a milder form, such as Cyclothymia. If this is the case the treatment is different (a mood stabilizer). Consider a 2nd opinion. Ask yourself are there other ppl in the family with BPD?
One last thing folks, mental illness runs in the family and has behavioral components. Put your kids first and in the most healthiest enviornment as possible.
You must do your own research and come up with your own opinions AND contact your health-care provider and speak with them. An online forum can not and should not be trusted. You never know who is on the other end...
Airee: Thanks for the info. No I did not actually hear this myself. However W has not taken them since Friday. There are no more bottles. I agree with what you wrote about stepping down the dosage.
As far as the birthday, I will probably just get a card, as it will be thrown away anyway. She is going out for lunch with the kids and is hoping to go out with OM for dinner. I'm pissed about this and this is part of the reason that I want to get the finances separated and possibly move out. I can't live with this any more. I am sick of the criticisms, of the arguments, of the constant negativity thrown my way. I don't feel I deserve it. Like yesterday. I got harassed for the laundry? A couple of socks not straightened out? I got a couple of shirts for my new job since I won't be supplied uniforms and now I don't have room in my closet for anything? This morning I got yelled at for not having a life, because I work 12 hrs a day on 2nd shift and have to take care of the house and kids in the morning? She said, you don't want to go to your parents or something for the weekend? What, and sit there and putz around, no if that is going to happen, I guess I would rather do it in my own house.
The only thing she can focus on is the OM and how perfect her life would be, and her not being labeled as an adultress. She gets P%@@$d when I comment on her "affair". Sorry - you two are both married and are seeking strong emotional contact. I have no reason to believe it is more right now, but if I sense anything, I may out the whole thing.
She is upset that Pastor has not called her back. She thinks that she may be being shunned for what she is doing. Duh!
She is not the person I married now. She is not behaving rationally.
She is emotional not logical. You are trying to apply logic to an emotional situation. I know, I do too. Emotions are a funny thing -- they run hot and cold. I know mine do. Just keep on for you and the kids. The rest unfortunately will run its course in time one way or the other. Remember the truth will come out all on its own.
I'm sorry to say this but I would bet the farm that it is already a physical affair. I would hire a PI and let them get to the bottom of what she is doing when your not around her. I'm also very curious if she is pregnant, I can't imagine why on earth she would be looking up baby names and prenatal vitamines if she wasn't pg. Can you physically tell if she was beginning to show? How long a timespan has it been since you found out about the OM, the baby names and prenatal vitamines?
Feelingalone: Yeah, that is the issue - she has NO logical thought. She is going full speed into an oncoming train with this relationship. I have spoken to no-one that sees this as a good thing.
Jason: As of Sunday night, no she was not pg. Period started. By the way, this whole thing (short of our problems) has only been going on since the beginning of July. 6 weeks to a perfect life. She has always been an obsessive person, looking up doctors, teachers, family members, creating a fantasy vision of what their life is like. Plus, when divorced, she will not have insurance. I am paying for the vitamins. Not sure what a PI would show, as I already know this is an affair. A few weeks ago, if things changed, I would be willing to start over with her. Now... not so sure anymore. I just want out. Knowing how she is acting and changing, I don't know if I can trust her. The big issue now is me leaving the kids, and if I am not in the house, will he be over. If I ever saw that, I'd out the whole thing to their hospice, his church, our church, school, wherever.
Now I'm getting upset. I just raised my voice with my 7yr old. I feel bad. I was trying to get the bathroom cleaned and she was in the way, just wanting to help me and spend time with me. Normally I love that, but today I guess I am just wound up. None of this is their fault, but they are going to take so much of the heat, just because they are here.
To be honest, I would hire a PI because you will need that going into court and I can not stress enough to protect yourself in that process. It's expensive but not nearly as much as what will cost you in court without some form of proof on your side as to her actions. Trust me, you need to get yourself proof of what she is doing for the courts. I also would be inclined to let your hospices, churches, and other appropriate entities know what is going on. It seems most divorces are ugly and the **** that will be flung your way in this will probably leave you speechless. My own X has done things to me that I can't even believe she would do. Her most recent thing was a protection against abuse order, yet I have never laid a hand on her or threatened her in our entire 20 year marriage and she knows how adamently I am against abused women as my own mother was beaten to a pulp by my father when he left. Yet she threw that out at me too.
You have to protect yourself and expect that she will take things to a whole new level beyond the verbal abuse she is now inflicting you with.
Be patient with your children and try to protect them from the ugly part of this process, it will be hard enough on them as it is.