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Old 08-19-2009, 10:39 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

I tell you, I don't feel empowered. I feel incredibly weak tonight. I don't know what to do. I want to stay, and be with my children. I want to have my wife back. I want to restart a relationship stronger than before and make an even better family of these crumbling parts I have in front of me. However, with each word I speak, with each step I take, it all crumbles more. I am getting more frazled from being with her. It comes out in shortness in most situations.

Last week she said to me that she never really loved me. Hearing that and looking back at 6 weeks of lies and decit, I feel like all is drained out of me. I guess I was a fool for believing. It can't go only one way. It can't be one sided.
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Old 08-19-2009, 10:42 PM   #77 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

No1,

I think you need your space, but take the kids with you. Or better yet, tell her that since she has the OM she can pack her bags and get out for a while. I really mean that. I think you need your space more than she does. Quit thinking about her needs and focus in our yours. Be selfish -- it is okay as long as you are only selfish with her and not with the kids.

But heck, you need a break from her. It would do you good. It will hurt to do it, but it will help you far more in the long run.
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Old 08-19-2009, 10:54 PM   #78 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

I agree with Feelingalone.....put her out. Let her take responsibility...and move out for a while. The kids are what's important....just don't forget that.
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Old 08-19-2009, 11:39 PM   #79 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Sounds good, but what do I do with a 7 yr old and a 4 yr old from 12:30pm until 1:00am when I get back from work?
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Old 08-19-2009, 11:43 PM   #80 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

A dilema many working moms face daily. I should know....lol. You do what you have to do....hire a sitter.....nanny...get help from family. Sucks totally. Again...I know.
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Old 08-19-2009, 11:44 PM   #81 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

with feelingalone and deniseK.

It's vacay time with the kids. When my hubby and I get over-worked, frustrated with each other, he'll always spring a vacay weekend when we can, drive 2 hrs away to the beach and stay the night, get in a lot of beach activities. We come back feeling great. Do it with the kids!

I feel really upset for you 2kids, I've learned life works out in it's own way. Perhaps when this door closes, other better ones will open. This is easier said than done, but you may have tunnel vision with what you're dealing with and perhaps can't see beyond that tunnel...

,
A
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Old 08-19-2009, 11:46 PM   #82 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by no1.daddy2kids View Post
Sounds good, but what do I do with a 7 yr old and a 4 yr old from 12:30pm until 1:00am when I get back from work?
okay, you've weathered the worst storm of your life. i think you can figure out how to get the kids taken care of for those hours...this is life now, at least for the time being...what a take charge moment for you...now go do it man!
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Old 08-19-2009, 11:47 PM   #83 (permalink)
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Oh, I just clicked on your avatar and saw the picture bigger. Your daughters are so SCRUMPTIOUS! Also, you're not too bad yourself, sir! There's a lot of fish in the sea. You'll be OK!

Ariee!
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Old 08-20-2009, 01:53 AM   #84 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Actually it will have to be a live in, as soon I will be spending two out of every three weeks in Ohio from January thru 2012. I got my new work schedule...

Airee - you are hired!

Something I will have to start looking into I guess...
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Old 08-20-2009, 10:00 AM   #85 (permalink)
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Another bad day brewing. I guess I just can't communicate. W asked for papers for her lawyer - 3 yrs tax statements, deed to house, retirement info, 401 info, current pay info. All of which are no problem, and I told her that multiple times already. There is no sense in getting a subpoena and paying extra when the stuff is sitting here in the house. That is just stupid.

She was taking our 4yr old to church preschool and picking up kids pictures, so before she left, I told her that I'll get the stuff, but the pay in the tax info is not what I make. With the hit in the auto industry, I have lost a chunk of my pay. Yeah, I screwed up and said that I hoped she would not "screw me" and base her compensation on the tax papers from last year. Probably not a good thing to say, I realize, but she keeps saying the same to me about supporting her. I guess the old 2 wrongs/1 right applies here too, huh? So things blew up. Got into the same old her concerns, my concerns, she just wanted the info and was not going to do that. I said I wasn't going to "screw her" over on her payments either. However, she can be trusted, and I can't...

Its just so draining getting in these things with her. I HATE working in wedges between us. I always have. Love aint easy, but it always was easier than this...
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Old 08-20-2009, 11:36 AM   #86 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

I agree with Feelingalone. You aren't doing the wrong here. Tell her she needs to leave. Protect yourself legally. Get an attorney, file for temp. custody with visitation rights and boot her out.

I know this isn't easy. You want your family back! She won't come back to the family as long as she is with the OM. My goodness! She is planning on another child with a man she's known for 2 months. She is planning on attending classes, at your church, with the OM. Do you want this woman taking care of your kids full time?
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Old 08-20-2009, 03:58 PM   #87 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

AAAHHHHHGGGGGGGG! I'M GONNA LOSE IT!!

Things are getting pretty messy at work right now. I'm working in automotive and my facility in the spring was targeted to close - Stressor #1. Just before summer break, I got picked for a new job where I would be traveling away from home 2/3 of the year, plus when I was home, my drive time went up by 50% - Stressor #2. W starts relationship with OM and divorce comes up - Stressor #3. Now, over the last few days, the facility is realizing that it can't continue along as we have been going, as most of th technical talent is retireing, both hourly and salary. Originally when gievn this opportunity, they said that we won't hold you back, when needed, you will be released. Now, because the talent is getting REAL thin, it is looking more and more every day that I won't be released to my new job. If I can't at least spend some time there during the week, the job will be filled with another person. Then what, I get stuck at a closing facility, with resources draining away by the day, and when we are done, I'm let go - stressor #4. Great, after 20 years, countless personal sacrafices, extra hours, late night phone calls in emergencies, always being the go-to-guy who can somehow put the square peg in the round hole, I get the big one in the backside.

Just what I need. Not looking for a pity party, I just needed to scream. I can't do that at my desk.

AAAHHHHHGGGGGGGG! I'M GONNA LOSE IT!!

Its tiring bouncing back and forth between sorrowful and angry. Thats a pretty big swing.
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Old 08-20-2009, 05:42 PM   #88 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Have you heard of the silent scream? It's when you open your mouth, let out the AAAAGHH & don't actually make any noise...or just let it out on the computer .

I wish I could help more...

Sorry about your job, you can't talk to your bosses about the other job and being held to this closing facility is not fair?

When I was a kid, I never understood why my childhood was so difficult. Mom always said, God was testing the one's he loved the most the hardest. Although as a grown up, I dont totally agree with that concept, I've realized one thing, that being, if your childhood sucked, what you make out of your adulthood is up to you. I think I've suceeded at that almost. At times, I let my childhood come in and it creates the feelings of tension and anger for me. But I've become pretty good at living a happy, grown up life. My point? Slowly but surely, start taking control over your own life. You control how you feel, that power is in your hands, not your boss's and not your bipolar W.

We're not perfect, I get these urges sometimes to dwell in the difficulties I've had. I had to pay for my undergraduate training and post-graduate training and work full-time and keep my scholarships. It made me resentful sometimes and I can sit here and dwell on all the liesures that ppl in school had and I didn't b/c I had to work hard, but you know what, I made it b/c I made the most out of it.

Let go of the past, the memories, you need a bucket-list. So far, I've learned to play the piano (I'm no Beethoven), take yoga classes, go kayaking and my next task is to go para-gliding (I'm training myself not to pee my pants though) and talk the hubby into dance classes with me.

All of you on here, need a bucket list, this includes: feeling alone, IWL (Iwantlove), DeniseK. Who's first?

Stay positive. A healthy body is a healthy mind.

On another note, I don't mean to be 2yrs old, but I love these smiley faces!

Ariee

Last edited by Airee; 08-20-2009 at 05:46 PM. Reason: whoa...
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Old 08-20-2009, 08:50 PM   #89 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

I just got off the phone with W and the little monkeys, well the older monkey. Younger one was in bed. I just called to say goodnight and see if all was ok. It was something I rarely did over the past few years, but something I should have been doing to show I cared. I get that. Well, the monkey liked it, as she had a tooth come out. Its under her pillow. I so love my kids...

W did not like it. Got *****ed out because of the changes I am doing are not for her, they are for the next relationship. "Why did you not do anything for me over the past years. You don't care about me. How come you never wore a tie for me in church? How come you are getting new clothes now? You got nothing to say about me wanting to see OM if you are doing this."


Uuhhh, What? Me making changes to make be a better person are the same as you wanting to see your boyfriend?

I guess at least she is seeing changes in me...
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Old 08-20-2009, 09:44 PM   #90 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife filed... Dazed and confused

Did you mention to her that the changes were for her.....and she smacked them away. Just wondering.
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