Re: Wife won`t come home
Whatever caused her to start shutting down, pulling away from you, sleeping on the sofa was likely building up over time. Telling her to get out re-inforced what she likely was thinking...he doesn't love me...this isn't working...why doesn't he seem to care....then 'get out' just re-inforced that for her.
She may see changes in you, but if she feels broken, it is very scary to risk going back and worry that you will eventually fall back into the old patterns. She is likely extremely hurt that your reaction was the opposite of what she had hoped. It is sometimes easy to begin to talk yourself into thinking, geez she knows I didn't mean it...I get like that when I'm angry, etc. but it's really the worst thing to do because it is excusing yourself from changing bad traits.
It is great to realize your own faults and to work on improving yourself. This doesn't always lead a spouse to say 'yippie he's changed, I'll run back to him now!' One side of thinking is that I love him and am glad he is doing things to improve himself, but is this just a quick fix to get me back? Is this just so he can get his life back to normal, the way it was? Those fears are real and are coupled with the fear that the changes are temporary or self-serving. At this point, I'd say things are headed in the right direction but far from being resolved.
The next phase is what will make it or break it. Why the changes? Can you see that you've broken her spirit? Does it make you feel horrible? Are you focused on your own pain so much that you cannot see how she must be feeling? Once at this point, you feel you want your spouse's happiness, whether it's with or without you...it is not always easy to arrive to this point, but I believe it is the changing point. Sometimes, it is too little to late, but worth the risk because you will become a better person either way it goes. At this point, it isn't what you want, but a true desire to give her what she wants. Are you worthy of her at this point? What would you write in a letter to her that shows her you 'get it'...that it's not just what you want to happen, but that you genuinely love this woman...what do you want for her?