Wife won`t come home - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-01-2009, 02:52 PM Thread Starter
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Wife won`t come home

my wife left on june 8th. i noticed that she was becoming very distant.she began sleeping on the sofa ani ask her what was wrong on several occasions and she said "nothing". finally on june 8th i had enough and erupted and told her to get out,a statement that i regret to this day.she came by the next day and told me that she loved me but it wasn`t the same.she is staying at her dads but has not moved her stuff out of our home.does this mean she is thinking of returning home?these past months have been pure hell,that`s the only way i know to put it.i`m going crazy.can anyone help me to get some answers?

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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-01-2009, 10:38 PM
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Re: Wife won`t come home

That would make anyone crazy.

What are you doing to win her back? Will she talk to you? Will she consider getting help?
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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-03-2009, 06:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won`t come home

I have talked to her several times,took her to lunch even.
At the end of each conversation she ends it with "i`ve
got to get my own place" but that hasn`t materialized yet.she also says that she can`t find a place but i know that there are plenty around where we live to choose from.what does that mean.she also said that she has forgiven me for what i said and she knows that i am sorry but she says that she just can`t get past what i said.any suggestions from someone with experience?
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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-03-2009, 07:57 AM
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Re: Wife won`t come home

I'm not sure what you did/said to her in the past? Is there something for her to forgive?
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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-03-2009, 04:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won`t come home

Yes, i had ask her to leave but only because of the way she was treating me.
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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-04-2009, 01:48 PM
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Re: Wife won`t come home

Is there someone else? There usually is.
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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-04-2009, 02:15 PM
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Re: Wife won`t come home

Whatever caused her to be distant is probably why she is still gone today and unless you work through what that was, I doubt she will return.

It could be that she resents you if she has been feeling unloved, unappreciated for some time. It could be someone else. Not necessarily an affair but that she's attracted to someone else and taking a closer look at her own marriage. It could be that she's depressed.

It will be really hard for you to do much if she will not open up to you. If she did, and was really honest with you about what is bothering her, how would you react? If the answer is defensive and angry...that's what you should work on at the moment...make sure she can open up without worrying about your reaction.

Just some 'guesses' not knowing about the details of your marriage together.
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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-04-2009, 03:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won`t come home

I told her that i have changed from the way i was (saying verbally abusive things) and she said that she knows that i have changed.i think that she could see it.she also told me that she loved me but still won`t call me. I have invited her to go places with me without being pushy.but she always comes up with excuses to not have to go.she also kisses me when we see each other.i`m just so confused by her actions.i don`t think there is anyone else.
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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-04-2009, 03:38 PM
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Re: Wife won`t come home

Quit having contact with her. Start living your own life. The more you ask her to do things the farther away she will pull. Leave her alone for a while and be patient.

"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her"
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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-05-2009, 12:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won`t come home

Does that mean that i have some hope for us?

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post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-10-2009, 10:03 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won`t come home

Her birthday is coming up.should i get her a gift?
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post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-10-2009, 11:28 AM
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Re: Wife won`t come home

I agree with Swedish. She will need to resolve what made her go. If she didn't want to go, when you asked her to, then she would have spoken up. You just gave her a reason to go...she was already thinking of it.

All you can do, like the others have said, is pull back and let her come to you. Whatever contact that you do have...it should be limited and not needy sounding. Become a happy, attractive, person that is doing something with their life. THAT is attractive and will grab her attention.

B-day gifts. I'd might be tempted, if it wasn't over the top..."I love and can't live without you" type thing.
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post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-10-2009, 12:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won`t come home

It`s her 50th. So to me that is a pretty special b-day.why does she keep telling me she loves me when i see her?
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post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-10-2009, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won`t come home

She has been living at her dad`s house for the past 3-1/2 months.she hasn`t moved out of our house yet.what does that mean if anything?
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post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 09-14-2009, 07:19 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife won`t come home

It`s been 3-1/2 months now.i`ve quit having contact with her for 2 weeks now.my previous contact was very limited anyways.she still doesn`t call me.i`m pretty sure at this point that it`s over.any opinions or encouragement will be welcome.
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