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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-16-2009, 09:29 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
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wife has filed for divorce!!

Well, the reason I was absent for some time is that my wife filed for divorce w/o giving me any prior warning.

she is not unreasonable at all, hence I kept thinking why she is doing e'thing in a hurry. The point is that she is afraid of the fact that she won't be able to stay strong and determined to divorce me if some more time passes on. And I am 100% sure that this is the reason why she filed in a hurry.

I do know that she will still reconcile if she can see changes, but I am getting so nervous now that I am finding it hard to stay calm and keep working on myself.

any advice/comments ??
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-16-2009, 09:40 PM
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Re: wife has filed for divorce!!

Oh Mikey you must be so stressed and sad.

My H just gave me divorce papers today. It's heartbreaking when you don't want it like we do. I understand.

I guess there isn't anything for us to do but keep being the happiest healthiest us we can be. Hokey and difficult at the same time. I don't really feel like being happy and healthy but I know if I get to the bottom that I may stay there for awhile. My family won't benefit from any of THAT behavior.

My H made a beeline to the attorneys from our meeting last week. I predicted this as he has said he wanted one from the beginning. I was able to get him to separate 2 months ago, but he didn't do any soul searching just stewing. Our meeting last week was...'what are we doing here...I still want the divorce." Sooooo here we are.

My H will eventually come to some conclusion that he made a mistake given our circumstances. You W may do the same. Divorce or not...they may return. We may not want them when they do.

Keeping moving Mikey..keep movin...
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-17-2009, 12:27 AM
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Re: wife has filed for divorce!!

i suspect the filing is some kind of chess move. maybe not, but if she has already expressed to you that she'd consider reconciliation if she saw changes, i think she wants to see them. maybe her filing would force some changes. idk.

separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.

4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-17-2009, 10:40 AM
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Re: wife has filed for divorce!!

though mine never said anything about reconciling she does mention to others that I am changing. I am hoping with God's guidance that she can see that life was not bad while we were together. Today she seems so laid back but other days she wants to give up the kids and everything and just leave it all on me. We do live separate and the day after I left she seen the lawyer so I have to follow her rules for now.

Hang in there and keep yourself busy EVERYDAY, I have 3 different things going on today after work that will take me into the night. I try to stay busy with POSITIVE things, therapy, church, group meetings, parenting classes and even non family events like watching my nephews karate, football and school events for them. STAY BUSY!!
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-17-2009, 04:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: wife has filed for divorce!!

my reconciliation would be a wonderful example to the whole world, I believe in that and I will do it !!!
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-17-2009, 10:35 PM
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Re: wife has filed for divorce!!

Divorce is really hard Mikey, I know what you're going through. I got divorced 2 months ago and still I seem like I'm bitter at the world. In one year's time I almost lost my sister to liver failure, lost my job of 3 years, and got divorced due to infidelity. I know it's hard to say, but you have to stay positive with this. Don't think of this divorce as an end of things. Think of it as a new beginning. While you may or may not reconcile with your wife, do things that'll make you happy. And that doesn't mean getting back with your spouse! Take up a hobby and do something positive.

I should be taking my own advice, I really should.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-18-2009, 02:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: wife has filed for divorce!!

the reason I said I was still hopeful about reconciliation is that my wife really doesn't want the divorce. The reason she is going through this process is that she thinks I can't change and she may not be able to have the courage to go this route again if our marriage goes back to the square one.

But I truely believe I have changed, the shock of 'divorce filing' has jolted me so much that I have finally seen the 'truth'. And the truth is that the only thing I love is 'my wife'. No matter what happens I won't be able to stop loving her because she is just divine at heart, pure gold.

I never felt this way before, kept running around useless things, and thats why I could never show my love for her in a true sense. Now I know that she will definitely see the changes if I move forward with a pure heart, and I am sure GOD will help me at every step to soften my wife's heart towards me.

I am 100% sure I will have a wonderful reconciliation story for you folks in a couple of months, stay tuned.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-18-2009, 02:10 PM
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Re: wife has filed for divorce!!

I hope so, Mikey. In the meantime, keep working on yourself FOR YOURSELF. If you changed "for her," then it isn't "real," and your chances of relapsing eventually are very strong--and she may not give you another chance, if she comes back this time only to find herself in the same boat some time down the road. In fact, she'll be older and more willing to walk away, and angry, too, that she let you "fool her."

The only REAL change is one you do for yourself.

And please do not assume that just b/c you have finally changed, she WILL comeback. There is a point of no return in each of us. No telling if she has reached it--only she will figure that out. Be prepared, either way, to be a better, happier person--with or without her. Take care of yourself! Good luck.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-18-2009, 06:23 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
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Re: wife has filed for divorce!!

thanks for the suggestions...

I know I like the changes in me and I would like to nurture them not only for her but for myself too. so, no matter she comes back or not i will keep working hard on incorporating these changes and reinforcing them with every passing moment.

If she doesn't come back, i will end up being a better person anyway. But my heart still says she will give me another chance. I may sound foolish since she has already filed, but not sure why I am having this funky feeling that this is an ultimate test for me, she wants to make sure if at all I can change even a little bit.

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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-19-2009, 03:28 PM
Join Date: Dec 2008
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Re: wife has filed for divorce!!

Mikey the same thing is happening to me. I also believe that my wife did this quickly and without notice so she wouldn't have to face me. But some of it could be denial on my part. Grief has many stages right?
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