btdt.. but I was the one who wanted to live my life.. I was with my bf (common law) for 18 years... I got bored.. I didn't love him like a lover anymore.. I wanted to be free. to live my life.. to have lovers.. etc...
So I left.. he was devastated.. for over 2 years he wished I would return.. I never did..
I left him the house for 4 years.. until he could get back on his feet (mentally) .. he had a huge nervous breakdown.. couldn't work for over a year.. lost 70 lbs.. (he was about 185)... he was shaking.. it was unbelievably hard to everyone to see him like that.. me included...
But I knew he had to overcome his depression by himself..
I also went into depression.. so was it depression that got me to make this 180 turn.. I don't know.. and I guess I will never know for sure.. I had another bf for 5 years a year after my separation.. this guy was 12 years younger.. We lived together for 5 years.. then I left him... I guess I prefer to be single..
All I know now.. is that I'm happier than ever ... since I've been single.. I doubt I would ever want a man full time in my life.. I just don't want to make any commitment anymore.. It's just about ME.. I am selfish.. and intend to stay that way.
I can have all the lovers I want, spend my money as I wish, everything is about me now..
I know it must be extremely hard for you.. but there is not much you can do about it.. you cannot force someone to live with you.. to love you..