What can it hurt, K? He may resist. He may read it one day, out of curiosity or boredome. I say go for it.
I am lucky in that my J has chosen to read all the books I've read. I told him about the "Nice Guy Syndrome" and that I bought the book. I can't wait to read it and pass it along.
NO1: She will figure it out one way or another. She will also appreciate all that you have done...somewhere down the line.
I know my H appreciates things. He always has told me so. I was lucky that way. We always "thanked" each other and was appreciative of the little things. It's just that he deferred to me WAY too much when things got difficult (kids/crisis).
Yeah, thanks. She probably will. But I really don't care. I am not looking for anything from her. The way things have gone, I really just want this over. I have heard too many things and I am looking forward now, to going back to who I really am, who I was before this marriage. I liked myself better then too. I am not out to get her, as on some level I do care for her still, but I am not going out of my way to be nice either. Yeah, it hurts and it is not easy to deal with, but I feel I am on the right path to better myself.
NO1: She will figure it out one way or another. She will also appreciate all that you have done...somewhere down the line.
I know my H appreciates things. He always has told me so. I was lucky that way. We always "thanked" each other and was appreciative of the little things. It's just that he deferred to me WAY too much when things got difficult (kids/crisis).
Quote:
Originally Posted by knortoh
FA I have a feeling he'd completley freak if I gave him the book -
CW - what do you think?
As wren said, who knows, what the heck... at least you tried to help the situation...
no1: You sounds done and detached. That's when you know you've done it all and you are moving on. You will do just fine!
K: I am seriously thinking about reading the book and giving it to him. Not sure if he'll read it. He's a slow reader-it takes him awhile to read a fun book. Slow meaning time wise- not rate. I think it's a good idea. You can put a note in it and say something like "i read this and thought you might get something out of it...no pressure just maybe a way of understanding ourselves." Make it unpressured.
If I decide to get the book..that is how I'd approach it.
FA: I think you are right on the degrees of NG. It's like that with medical and mental issues as well. Degree of severity.
Yes I believe it is degrees. And based on what I'm learning like everything else you are an NG in some instances and not in others.
As I said I don't believe I ever was with another woman. My brother even said that to me. That I changed for my w. Became something I wasn't. That was based on love and more importantly fear of rejection. I hate to say it, but it might be based mostly on fear of rejection by her. Now that has happened. I'm free.
FA: The key for the recovered NG is to learn how to be emotionally honest when your heart is involved. As you said, with us you can be honest. With someone you love, like your W, it's difficult.
At some pont, you may THINK you are a recovered NG....you only know when you are tested (love).
Yes, you are absolutely correct. That is where I become a NG it seems.
No there will be other tests to becoming an Integrated Male - the term used. Believe me, I've been reading on that web site throught the break free exercises by other posters. A lot of work to do.
I might not be a NG for some things, but I am on enough of them. I've got work to do.
By the way: I think ALL people can be a NG at times. Our goal should be to become as emotionally honest as possible. I think it's most important for those we love.
Husband texted me today regarding D pickup. I asked him about his nose (skin cancer fear) and it was benign. He'd said he'd send me the name via e-mail and I could look it up. I've been the resident researcher for our household. I wonder how many people asked/knew about his dr. appt??? Just ME!
He'll come over tonight to pickup our D. I think I'll mention that I have a book for him to read later (NG book). Kind of a "heads up." I'll play it up some.
Re: The REAL world 
