I don't know. It may end up being exciting but now it's drudgery. Something that I haven't chosen for myself. Or should I say another thing that I haven't chosen for myself?
mls: You're right...I won't have the old memories. I will make it my own and even that is bittersweet.
My h filed so his attorney does the paperwork and my attorney and I approve. We should approve since my H and I agreed to this outside of an office. However, the legal jargon and details are what matters to my attorney. On one of our discussion my attorney has a little issue regarding a bonus/taxes etc. It is difficult to understand as it's pretty unusual overall. I get it but getting my attorney to understand is difficult. I am going to ask if he wants my H to come to his office and explain. I'll make an appointment next week to meet him and go over the final paperwork.
Last night, when I spoke to my H I was tired. He was all excited business talk and I wasn't in the mood. I finally said "ok. Thanks. I'll talk to you later. Click." I'm usually not rude but I am so disappointed and tired.
I feel you on the disappointment and being tired. Maybe that is how my w feels about me, although I've done what she asked of me. It was a gigantic move on her part, but I did it. That is her resentment and the trust issue.
Your H just seems blinded by some fantasy of being noble still. You weren't rude -- just letting him know you are tired of it all.
Try to enjoy the house hunting. A new house will give you something else new in your life, like your job. You are moving forward and that is great.
Today, I got off work and called our daughter. She is supposedly getting a new drivers permit (she lost hers) with her dad. The line was too long so they were going to eat and invited me along.
I was going to say my typical "no thanks" but ended up going. First time we ate out together in 4 months. Uneventful. We had normal conversation and all. He did look me in the eyes for awhile at the table without talking. It was sort of a stare down.
In the parking lot, he pulled me toward him for a hug. I kissed his cheek and said "thanks." My d and I ran to the car (it's cold).
CW You sound like a great catch!! Just keep that in your mind, and yes go ahead and feel bad for him...but who did this to him? You? No...he did it to himself, and he could fix it but I guess he doesn't want to...who really knows with your H, he needs to find his way I guess. So continue to go out, find a wonderful little home that pretty soon will be bursting with all the new wonderful memories that you will put into it.
CW, I feel for you. I am not a big fan of sympathy, but I am a real believer in empathy, and I'm pretty sure I know how you feel. You've said you have learned to "let go" and if true, that's fantastic. I envy you. I'm still scratching marital lottery tickets, and hoping against all hope, "I'll hit it big". However, the logical part of my mind knows this isn't going to happen.
I disagree with some of the above posters in that everything will be ok as soon as you find a great guy. In my opinion, it would be like telling a patient they'll feel great as soon as the "stump" hardens, and we can fit them for a prosthetic leg. Sure the prosthetic is functional, and a whole bunch better than nothing, but a part of the person always yearns for the original "leg". I wish you the best in whatever may come, and I thank you for your encouragement and wisdom. LIL
lil: OK. That was the funniest analogy that I've hear in along time! Stump vs. great guy...
Empathy is appreciated more than sympathy. Thank you! I don't feel sorry for myself. I feel for my H.
I agree that finding another won't make me feel better or solve a thing. We had a pretty good run, my H and I, and I don't regret a thing.
Letting go is a process LIL. I used to pray for my H to change his mind. I quit praying that prayer. I started directing my prayers for peace in my heart; for peace and direction for my H; softening his heart and putting obstacles in his path that would encourage him to question his decision. My prayers have been answered for myself. My H has had plenty of obstacles in his path. I noticed a softening as well.
CW, I am somewhere between your first and second prayers. My marriage doesn't have to "end", I could continue in the garbage relationship I have now until the second coming. However, you are right it is "eating me up inside", and that alone mandates change if for no other reason than just health.
Tonight is her 40th birthday, and she's going out with her friends to listen to a band. I'm wrapping things up at the clinic now and I'm taking 15 minutes to decompress before I go home to kid sit.
I want that "peace" you speak of CW. Personally, I don't think I really want the marriage anymore, but it still hurts to let go because I still love who she "was". I hope that makes sense.
I really don't care to pray for obtacles in her path CW. I think I will try to take more of Moses' approach and pray for her "figurative" leprosy to be healed.
As for the goofy analogy, I was trying to illustrate that for me this has felt like I've lost a piece of my body; thus the amputation reference. So personally, when people tell me to just "hook up" or "trade up", it's sort of fallen on deaf ears. I feel like they are trying to tell me it's a "good thing" to replace my original leg with a prosthetic one. Typically, not ones best move, unless of course the original is damaged beyond repair or diseased. Hmm, I guess it kind of is, but I'm still not looking forward to the procedure. LIL
LIL: You make me laugh...I did "get it" on the analogy!
Yep...I yearn for what I had in the past. I love him for how he treated me and I regret that I hadn't appreciated him more. Although, I did a pretty good job of it. Somewhere, I need to take responsibility for my part in the marriage demise.
The "trade up" isn't my style morally or personality wise. I'm skeptical in many ways. I foresee that might be a deterrent to me dating. I'm not an open book..."free and wild." I don't let my emotions get the best of me.
I look at folks that break up and move on sooooo quickly. Sometimes within weeks. I need to cross the "dating" bridge when it comes. I guess, what I am saying, is that I have fears.
I went out last night with a girlfriend. We had sushi and a few drinks, then back to my place. Throughout my marriage, I had friends, but never sought out a close relationship with one. I neglected that side for a few decades. I wasn't one to have girls night out etc. I really focused on my schooling, family, etc. Maybe it would have been a good idea?
Growing up, I was always well liked-popular. However, I only wanted a few friends close to me. I guess I am kind of like that today. I can be comfortable in a crowd and have fun but I prefer a handful of true, close, friends.
Today, I go house hunting. I have 7 houses to tour. It's a beautiful day outside.
Ahh the texas weather in winter...I miss that. Did I tell you I used to go to Corpus with some friends in the miltary a lot and then I used to go with my H quite a few times. I went to South Padre too.
Glad its nice there...East Coast winters are completely different...been quite a while since I've been in one!
Have fun Corpus. Give the house hunting a chance. I know this is a completely different path from one that you ever thought you would be on, but maybe this path will turn out just fine.
No Ash...I didn't know you made it THAT far down the coast! Too bad, I didn't "know" you then.
I know about the East Coast as well. I lived in GA, SC, CT, and NY. My favorite was CT. It was a perfect time in my life.
I did look at several places. The market is a bit better than a few months ago, when I looked last. I found one that may be on my short list. Location is important to me.
Next weekend I can't look as I'll be going on a girls weekend out of town. My realtor said she'd call me cell with any new houses that were in my range.
My D is with me tonight even though it's my H's weekend. She is over for a few hours downloading some songs to her ipod. I'll bring her back to my H's in a few hours. He is at a birthday party for his best friend. It's nice that we are so flexible with each other.