The REAL world

Corpuswife · 12-26-2009, 10:44 PM

He is fine. The tests said that he didn't have a heart attack....

My H looks sooooo tired with his eyes all red. He keeps looking at me when I am not looking at him. He so wants a connection-probably the friendship connection.

knortoh · 12-26-2009, 10:52 PM

glad he's ok CW
sounds like he does want a connection - it's the connection of love and compassion that you have always given him - he calls it friendship now - whatever - it's all the same - connection is connection

Corpuswife · 12-26-2009, 11:01 PM

By the way, WE are no longer wearing our wedding bands/rings.

It almost makes me choke up when I think of him not wearing his...it used to be important to him.

He's noticed but not said a word about my missing ring.

Today....I believe in miracles though. Maybe our divorce is around the corner but something will happen to wake him up, even after the divorce. I won't stand still.

Boy are these few weeks going to suck.

wren · 12-27-2009, 07:38 AM

CW, I am so glad your FIL is ok! But I am sure your H is looking for connection. Through all those crises, he's always leaned on you. I keep thinking one day I'm going to read your thread and your H will have woken up and realized what a gem he has!

We're here for you in these next sucky weeks.

Corpuswife · 12-27-2009, 12:32 PM

Thank you Wren.

I am back to my constant thinking, even during my sleep. My thoughts of how my life has changed and will change. My thoughts of how I should react on our 25th anniversary. My thoughts on dating. My thoughts on him dating and preparing myself. My thoughts on our daughter and how she's having a rough time of it-finally (I never saw much of a reaction)....on and on and on.

Ok...you get my drift. It's all thinking. I was hoping this overanalzying things was over but the holidays have turned it on once again. Now anniversary date, newyears, and divorce.

Please excuse me as I ramble the next few weeks.

This morning I had romantic ideas about meeting my H at the beach with a bottle of wine on our anniversary (no relationship talk). I feel sick. I'm brave enough to ask. He'd be NG enough to accept. However, it would most certainly be a crying scene by me and turn into a stupid mess.

These are my thoughts. Still hanging on when there is plenty left but he just doesn't "get it."

Loving Husband · 12-27-2009, 05:12 PM

CW- Your doing well.. Your future ahs to be brighter then now right?? What are you going to end up doing on New Years?

Corpuswife · 12-27-2009, 05:49 PM

LH: For New Years I'll probably get drunk!

OK. I was kidding. New Years hasn't been a favorite of mine anyway. I am not sentimental about it and it's another day.

The good new is I have the day off...

Maybe I'll have some friends over and have a hot tub party. Something new and different.

lost1234 · 12-27-2009, 08:30 PM

im pleased to hear your fil is ok

like the idea of the bottle of wine and the beach too...

i would think something like that too...wouldnt be brave enough to ask. lol

we know our h's are so much alike! scary!

was a long holiday for me ...hanging in there now.

CW

you were one of the first people to respond to me way back when...lets hope for a better 2010!!!

for EVERYBODY, no one deserves this stuff we are told is part of life! it stinks!

Corpuswife · 12-27-2009, 09:40 PM

Lost you are saying it would be a good idea?

What do the others think about the wine and the beach?

Ash22 · 12-27-2009, 11:12 PM

I think its time for........an honest conversation! I always say that! Ask yourself C why you would be doing this. Would it be simply because its your 25 anniversery and thats a hell of an accomplishment? Or would it be one last effort to rekindle something? I think it is a good idea CW only bc I hold a hope for the both of you, but I also don't want you to be hurt. Just worried about you thats all.

Corpuswife · 12-28-2009, 07:08 AM

Keep the opinions coming.....

Ash: It would be both-the accomplishment and the hope. However, it wouldn't be HIS idea and that is a problem I think. Because I sincerly feel that ANY spouse that leaves, it must be there idea to come back for the right reasons.

Loving Husband · 12-28-2009, 07:21 AM

I like the idea of a hot tub party. Hey wait that was one of my fantasies of mine. Something about a whole bunch of women.. Oh wait I'm married..

knortoh · 12-28-2009, 07:34 AM

LH I think CW was baiting you !
All men like the idea of a hot tub party - whatever that is!

D8zed · 12-28-2009, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corpuswife

What do the others think about the wine and the beach?

Proceed cautiously. If you and H are not on the same page with the same mindframe, this could be very uncomfortable and result in confused feelings. It's all about emotional honesty. Is he ready and capable at this time? [no answer needed]

mls31 · 12-28-2009, 06:10 PM

I agree with D8zed.

If you want to have a get together with your ex, you need to realize that he may not give you the reaction you are looking for. Meaning that he may come to your beach party, act weird, get drunk, and then start talking about how great it will be to date again once your divorce is finalized.

Not trying to shock you or be mean here. At this point, I think it's safe to say you don't know how he'll react.

You may be looking for an evening where you'll reflect on your 25 years of marriage and pledge to continue your friendship.

If you're okay with this, proceed. If not, reconsider.