Never!
if i could juts evaporate off the earth I think that would suit him best.
I was getting horrible emails from him about stuff every week - so I asked him to just call me if he needed to say something (I had developed problems with opening my work email because it woud bring on panic attacks...)
but now - he would never call me for anything -
he texts me about the boys and I call him when I need to arrange something
I have asked if he wants to meet every two weeks to discuss parenting and he has said yes - but don't think he'll ever organise it...
I have done so both times....
My H wouldn't organize the meeting either. He's afraid of the confrontation or possible relationship talk. Not so much since I've allowed him to call ramdomly and are relationship is more relaxed. Now, as you know, he calls often.
How often does he see the boys? What are the arrangements.
I understand. It's not like the e-mails/texts/messages that you would have gotten pre-problems. It's a reminder of things gone wrong. I do get that one.
I sent my H a rare e-mail...helping him locate a website. I didn't have to do it. No "thanks." THAT will be the last time I help him unless he asks.
You do build a wall and know what you can tolerate anymore. I'm like you...if it doesn't "sit" with me well then I don't do it (if possible).
Yeah, yesterday I was cleaning out a bag and I found an email that I had printed out from him that he'd sent when he'd back and he was on a high and we were planning holidays etc...
couldn't believe that it was April - so warm so full of love
I almost couldn't believe that it was from him....
yet that was real too
I really got f****ed over....
In there world...they are in a fantasy land of feelings.
They are being led by how they feel. Think of your average 3 year old. Maybe emotionally they are that young...in a way.
How can your H tell you with full emotions that he loves you.
Then a month later or whatever...change his mind. Pure childlike behavior. Like my counselor said...it's like a child "I'm going to take my toys and leave!" They don't want to stay because they don't like what's happening (with us or with them).
I tell you...that is a double hell you went through. Thinking things are going to be ok. Rekindling and reconnecting...then bamm!
My husband told his parents...after he broke the news of our divorce. He said "I'd break my bike in a million pieces if I could change things!" His mom told me this. It doesn't make any sense. He was emotional (not crying) at the time. At the time, his parents thought the divorce was both of our ideas.
After I spoke with the mom and gave the details. She told me what he said. DUH. He could change things but was unwilling.
When my H told the kids. It was my idea (before hand) to have him say to them that the divorce was his doing. I told him all along..I don't agree or want this and if you tell them...make sure that you tell them it's your idea. Guess what! He conveniently left that out. I told them, in front of him. He gave me a look (angry) at the time. I don't care it was important to me that they knew that there MOTHER wasn't giving up. That someone was willing to fight! I told him parents the same thing.
So your H and my H are along the same lines-acting as if those feeling are beyong their control. Rubbish.
Thats not looking for responsibility its a pity party. He is looking for an excuse to behave this way.. Don't let him feed you.. Just move along. I can see how tough you have it and you don't deserve this. Neither do the kids.. Hang in there it cant get worse can it??
Thanks LH and you are correct...
sometimes I have to remind myself it actually CAN'T get worse..he's gone....
and I am surviving...
went out with my eldest son tonight to a show and I smiled all night - a first for such a long time...
it's ok....not great but it's ok....
That's a start.. I saw my wife smile so much yesterday and it made me feel good.. I know it made her feel good.. Now you have to build on that.. I feel for you I really do.. We as men abandon the wives and leave the kids with them. Mean while the wife pays the most and the husband has time to do whatever. If the guys stood up for their actions we wouldn't have a world getting this messed up...
Knortoh: I KNEW you'd get the bike statement! Really! If he was willing to sacrifice the bike for the relationship than THAT was a serious statement (sarcastic). The bike WAS more important (the last year).
I am also happy that you were able to smile. I actually do that more now than ever. My H would have a comment or look (nothing mean) but kept me from letting loose sometimes. Now, I don't worry about that.
Lately, my thoughts don't always run to him and our relationship. I can think of other things, in my sleep, when I drive, than us. It's a significant step as you know. When you no longer think of issues during your down time.
When my H told the kids. It was my idea (before hand) to have him say to them that the divorce was his doing. I told him all along..I don't agree or want this and if you tell them...make sure that you tell them it's your idea. Guess what! He conveniently left that out. I told them, in front of him. He gave me a look (angry) at the time. I don't care it was important to me that they knew that there MOTHER wasn't giving up. That someone was willing to fight! I told him parents the same thing.
GRRRRRR.....the paragraph above could have come out of my wife's mouth and it raises my bloodpressure to boiling. Why was it important for your kids and his parents to know their mother/daughter-in-law wasn't willing to give up??? I've never been able to understand that logic.
Re: think I am going mad - anyone else had this?
