You are realizing this K....engaging is caring too much at this point.
Why not realize that he's flawed or f**ed up. You have no reason to care and frankly that caring is taking up too much time.
Set your boundaries and "think about" what you want when he wants something. Let him know later (as we discussed prior).
Then, don't seek answers from him. He doesn't have what you want.
Finally, be kind to yourself and allow yourself setbacks. But fully focusing on him isn't letting you to move forward.
Nicely put CW. I need to remember this also. I need to also redirect my focus and rememeber that my W no longer has what I want or need. I think when you are a "leaver" like our spouses are, they should not get the attention they "want" but the attention that they have earned through their bad and unacceptable behavior. And beside what is needed for the children, that's very little attention at all for them.
K: Let him arrange a date to meet or arrange for a mediator. He wants the change, let him bring it up to you again.
Of course, it's important to be flexible on things to avoid the pulling of the children. However, if it's wrong for them you need to set your boundaries. Let HIM figure something else out.
When I picked the boys up the other day Ray started telling me how things went badly at his Dad's house.
When he tells his dad that he is missing me and he wants to see me/speak to me John is not sympathetic - and says that it would only make 'me' sad to know this -
they end up fighting about this and Ray gets sent to his room -
I know that kids can misrepresent things but Vince confirmed the story...
they both told me that they feel that John isn't honest with them - and Vince says that this is why he can't talk to his dad about stuff...
because he doesn't want to if John isn't being straight with him...
I am slightly taken aback at how smart they are and how clearly they see things
my psychologist told me this would happen - but I am reeling from what they have said....
K,
i have just caught up on what you have been going through! boy do i feel alot of the same!
with small kids it makes it all a bit harder imo, just because we as mothers try to keep in mind what is best for them...
then we have the h who has suddenly gone back in time and is acting and behaving worse than the real children!
take a deep breath!
from what i have just read, you are doing ok, not cartwheels by any means but ok...
its a tough situation and it takes all the patience in the universe!
i decided that when the holidays were finally over, i was going to distance myself...we all know how hard this was for me because of the girls...
wow does it help matters...i cant say i am not engaged at all...but nothing like before. ya know what? it seems as i have actually been getting much more respect from him...he has been around alot with the surgery and all...then gone again. yeah, it hurts cause i like having his normal self around, but it is easier now to see him go...
i focus on me and the girls...i dont leave him uninvited, but i do what i want to do wether he wants to join us or not...
i now have a knack for quickly getting off of the phone if i hear that tone in his voice...
i walk away when i notice the mood swings starting ...with the girls
do i want my marriage to work out after all of this? by all means!
i just dont want to be part of his fall...i dont want for the girls and myself to be pulled down with him! he needs to do this for himself before he will truly be what he fully needs to be for our family again!
our sitches have alot of similarities, so please dont take offense to anything i have just written...i sooooo understand what you are going through...
you guys have heard me and helped me all of these months to become strong enough to finally say things like this...and to see them for what the are!
its sad, it hurts, i still cry a lot, i want to be able to help him, and **** do i want him to come home...BUT not like he is today...i want MY HUSBAND back...not this sorry excuse that looks like him!
love and hugs! i am thinking about you and your boys K!
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loving mother and devoted wife, I will endure this pain with the faith, hope and love i have for my family!
lost thanks so much for your very kind wishes...of course I don't take offense -
I am doing ok as you say
I don't want to be in this place forever so I will move on -
things just haven't settled for me yet
once the paperwork is done and things have calmed down again maybe I'll have some peace.
I am still in love with him and that is what is holding me back for now I think -
I'll detach and accept eventually and I'll be ok -
hi everyone
a quick update - life has been busy -
I am ????
really introspective at the moment, a little tired....
life goes on -
perhaps I am moving forward but I can't articulate it if I am
maybe I am standing still -
I am having a productive life - am loving my boys and appreciating my family and friends....all this is true ....
all this is positive....
I love hearing where you guys are at -
and I am glad that all the gang are still posting....
Wren let us know what you are doing soon.
Hi everyone,
still not much to report....I don't know why but I find posting about my life really tricky at the moment. I do think things are going better though and I am so grateful for all the wonderful things in my life.
Hope you continue the march towards a semblance of clarity and stability. It's always a kicker when you think you have it, and then you don't. It's like trying to hold onto a fish.
It's like I don't have as many details to post as I am moving on. Although my dating tales are quite entertaining to TAM....I feel at a loss for words now.
Re: think I am going mad - anyone else had this?
