I don't know about wisdom. Just trying to help another soul as others have been helping me. Kind of like "paying it forward".
Well you both are better than me. Right now I have a lot of anger toward my W. Wups. I need to start thinking xW. Right now i despise her. Her time will come - karma ensures it.
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Kindness, Caring, Love and Understanding for Me, for Her and my son. Well not so much for Her anymore.
had a confrontational conversation with my counsellor this morning - she spoke about how women always think that they can't do it by themselves - that they need a partner..etc
I know what she is saying
but it bothers me as well
and I think I have to work on it
I don't think parenting by yourself is comparable to one where your skills complement eachother
and when you have parented in together for 10 years you are going to miss those skills that the other parent had -
my H has his faults - but we were a wonderful team as far as parenting went - even he would agree with that
I miss this way more than I miss other aspects of the relationship
I am struggling to understand how I proceed without feeling lost all the time -
my desire to have a relationship with him over the kids is overwhelming me
I am so sorry hun.. You are in obvious pain and I agree that parenting is only done well together. If you are split you operate as one and not joint decisions or paths. Why are we mature enough to have kids but when times get tough bail??
As you know with my wife she won't win mother of the year awards but together we are good. She is sensitive and I am strong.. Like yesterday with our daughters homework.. I push my daughter and get her to focus and work. When my method isn't working she steps in and tries her way which is a lot softer.. Togeher it works but if we were seperate our daughter wouldn't get that chance. This is how big having a family is.. This is something that happens everyday.. People need to take it seriously and forgo their needs a little for their families..
Maybe we don't need another person. But humans are social animals and we yearn for companionship. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting someone to share your life with, especially if you have children. What a confusing, painful time. I'm thinking of you, K.
It's is better if the kids have two parents. When the parents compliment each other it's downright awesome for the kids! They get the best of both worlds. It's a much different and more difficult job on your own.
I am thankful that my H, like yours knortoh, wants to be involved. So many parents walk away or have little contact. Sad for the kids.
Some cash was stolen by one of my son's "friend." We put two-two together and figured it out. The kid is 18 and stole from my son, me and another guy. What a jerk. Anyway, we've been spending time doing police reports.
I called me H and told him that we were being stolen from....maybe someone got the garage code, etc. This was before my son and I figured it out. I had told my H that I was going to sleep on the couch with my handgun to meet my thief! I was p_ssed. I didn't like the idea of someone sneaking in my house stealing.
My H was like "I will spend the night. I will take care of this now." I told him I called in case something happened. I didn't need his help as I got it covered. It does make me angry that I have these issues and he goes to his condo alone. YES! His stress is much better thank you.
of all the things my H was willing to forgo to get out
I think the role of father and yes CW (protector) is the one I thought he could not sacrifice.
I can remember thinking how can he not want to lock the door before we go to sleep?
how can they sleep not knowing whether we are safe?
how do guys 'give up' this privilige of having a family that needs you?
I will never understand this -
perhaps my H kept it well hidden but I didn't see any evidence of suffering on his part which needed to be relieved to this extent.
I can well understand how I will get over the romantic suff - being jilted etc. I can understand how I could find someone else to make me feel 'in love' etc -
Maybe we don't need another person. But humans are social animals and we yearn for companionship. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting someone to share your life with, especially if you have children. What a confusing, painful time. I'm thinking of you, K.
Wren do you know the really sad thing is that the night before he left he broke down and started crying saying that he wasn't going to be able to enjoy the kids without me and that he didn't even know if he could look after them without me - so I can only assume he is going through a similiar amount of pain as me as regards this - I really really don't understand why this pain is necessary.
was just ironing my clothes and I realised why talking to you guys is so good:
I feel like I can tell you the bad stuff and you get it -
but it's more than that
it's the fact that you don't feel compelled to tell me things are ok when really they are not
you guys are all ok with saying yep that sucks...
Unfortunately, we have that in common and much MORE!
For us and many others we just don't get it!
We weren't THAT bad. Were we?
It's like the girl that asks..."I wasn't pretty enough. I wasn't smart enough." We weren't "enough." When in fact, it wasn't the girl at all...it was them. They weren't "enough." They felt inferior. They couldn't deal with emotions.
I wish I could wake up from this nightmare. It feels like I am dreaming. I am going through the motions and wondering if this is going to be my lucky day.
I am sleeping well at night but I'm not getting quality sleep. I wake up and still feel exhausted. My mind is on overdrive.
Do any of you have a moment of peace or happiness and then all of the sudden remember that oh yeah, my husband decided he no longer needs me in his life! I feel as though I can't be happy.
Have any of you tried grief counseling? I'm considering it. I told one of my coworkers this week what was going on. She said that sometimes divorce or a tough break up is almost worse than going through the death of a loved one. I think this is true.
Yup same for me. I used to ake p after 3 hours and check to see where wife was. Now that she is back in bed I am sleeping a ton better. I don't want to make you guys feel bad but I do know exactly where you are. At work my wife is always on my mind.. Going over I am not that bad of a person for this to be happening or I say I'm sorry over and over. It's heart breaking..
Do any of you have a moment of peace or happiness and then all of the sudden remember that oh yeah, my husband decided he no longer needs me in his life! I feel as though I can't be happy.
Have any of you tried grief counseling? I'm considering it. I told one of my coworkers this week what was going on. She said that sometimes divorce or a tough break up is almost worse than going through the death of a loved one. I think this is true.
It is so much like a nightmare or a new version of life as you know it - and it creeps up on you -
moments of happiness and then crash
exactly
and yes in many ways I suspect we experience it as worse than losing someone -
it is so unfinished
and I know this sounds mean - but we all die and all live knowing that we die -
so I think it easier to be 'philosophical' about this
also if my H died I know my family would be treating me as a grieving wife
instead they say unhelpful things like
"you've just pinned all your happiness on J. "
???????
unless you go through this no-one has a clue - not a clue........
Re: think I am going mad - anyone else had this?
