I think the reason I can't relate to their need to chit chat is because my W and I are not close at all. I mean it's getting close to "War of the Roses". If we were to chit chat, it would be more name calling and emotional beatdown.
I had a very weird dream the other night. I had a dream that my H came back. It was the H I loved and remembered (not this mean, detached and depressed person). In my dream, I remember looking at his face. It felt so real, like was really looking at him. I've never had a dream that vivid. I was so happy and excited that it was my old H and that he'd come back!
It was only a dream. I seriously feel like my H died or vanished. And it still angers me that he said "I'm the same person I've always been" earlier in the week.
I have a heavy heart today. My sister-in-law's father passed away during the night. He was too young.
Oh boy. Hold on. This one is going to long. Bear with me.
To make my week even worse, my H sent me an email this morning to tell me that his grandma passed away Sunday night. She had some health issues and was 87. I considered her my grandma since my own grandmother's passed away several years ago.
My H informed me he was on his way home to be with his family. "Home" is the same town I've been living in, where my parents live too.
I texted him to ask him if I could talk to him later in the day because I was concerned for him and had some financial questions. He suggested we meet in person since we'll be in the same town (I haven't seen him since he served me papers last month). We agreed to meet in the Walmart parking lot. I wanted a neutral location.
So we met. I gave him a hug since I felt really bad for him. We talked about how his family was doing, etc. He fought back tears. He said I was welcomed to come to the funeral if I wanted.
Then we talked about us. I told him that this is still not what I want. He understood and said that this divorce is his idea. He also wanted me to know that this hasn't been easy for him and that he's still seeking counseling. To which I wanted to ask "if this is so difficult for you, why are you doing it!?!"
He seemed to actually care tonight. He was agreeable and willing to work on our financial stuff. I felt like I could at least talk to him. I gave him one more hug before we left and he held on to me and looked me in the eye before letting go. However, I'm wondering if there is something mental going on. I seriously left scratching my head.
I decided not to go to the funeral. I have my SIL's father's funeral on Tues. and Wednesday. Thursday I'm planning to go to meet with my lawyer (which happens to be the day of his grandma's funeral). I debated for a long time what I should do but came to the realization that I can't face his extended family. I'll send flowers instead.
mls - I don't knwo what I would have done - the important thing is that you have thought it through and decided what is best for you now - these are to my mind some of the most painful aspects of breaking with your life-long partner - these are the times that you just are there for eachother....you did good....
my H told me recently that his dad had cancer and all I wanted to do was hug him - but I couldn't -
Seems like he is cracking a bit.. His hard drive to leave has slowed. These types of life altering changes seem to put things in perspective. Let him sit a bit after this. See what happens in the next week or so..
I made it through the day. My SIL's father's funeral was very nice. There were several things said during the service that made me think "now that's what a marriage should be like" (they'd been married 40 years).
Currently, I am at home, my home. My mom and I are packing up some stuff and then meeting my lawyer tomorrow to get the ball rolling on this divorce.
It's clear my H wants a divorce. In his grandmother's obituary, all of the grandkids were listed with their spouses. I, of course, was excluded from the list. Makes me glad that I didn't go to the funeral.
It's sad to be sleeping on the couch in the house that we purchased together (I can't fathom sleeping in our bed). The house has been neglected this past month. I will miss this place but this doesn't feel like home. I'm not sure where home is now but I am certain to find it.
You are right MLS...some people make life too difficult.
I was listening on the radio regarding a H and W (disc jockeys). They were saying how their listeners probably wouldn't believe the dark days that their marriage has seen. Times when they could have divorced. They stuck it out and have a better marriage now. They BOTH stuck together. That's the difference there...
Re: I think I belong here now
