mls you strke me as someone who really will end up with an easier life once this crap is over because you see that it can be easier...they make it difficult and dark - we make it practical and light...I am so glad that you didn't attend funeral either -
CW the difference between a Marriage of 5 years or 15 years or 40 years is 2 people working through their problems and never giving up. It takes at least one but the other has to also have a drive.. No marriage is perfect. Every long marriage goes through a time where divorce is possible. I can see my marriage going 40 years.. Why?? I refuse to allow it to end. I hope that if I slow my wife will have learned to pick up and keep us from falling apart. I think eventually she will..
Well, I signed my divorce papers today. The wheels are officially in motion. And guess what? I'm not sad... in fact I feel a little better.
I met with my lawyer (who knows me from my previous job). He was very nice and provided a lot of info on things I hadn't thought of. I could stand to lose a substantial amount of money if my H is unable to refinance our house and we end up selling it for less than what we owe (thanks to the housing slump/crash). That worries me but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
My mom and I packed up quite a bit of stuff too. I will feel better once all of my stuff is packed and moved out.
As I was in our bedroom packing, I looked at our bed and thought: "I bet it won't be long before he has someone else in this bed." Creepy and disturbing but I know it's true. My H can be quite the charmer.
It was obvious the house has been neglected. Dirty floors, bathroom, kitchen, fridge, etc. However my H is living quite the bachelor lifestyle with his new dog, new laptop and new surround sound system for the tv!
Thank you guys for all your kind words. I look forward to each evening that I get to read and post here.
I've been emailing a mutual friend of my H and I. He was our best man in the wedding. I believe he is the only one who has an understanding of both sides of our situation. He really is a good guy. He said he was very torn and upset over our situation.
He told me that he plans to move in with my H (in our house) by the end of the month. My H told me this news earlier and I'm still upset over it. Due to the following:
1. My H did not ask if he could rent a room out. My name is still on the deed and the mortgage. In addition, I'm still paying for half of the mortgage. Of all people to rent to, I would have been okay with our friend moving in but I'm ticked he didn't ask first.
2. I haven't even moved out yet! I have this feeling that my H will pitch some of the things I said I wanted. This is motivation to get my stuff out of the house ASAP.
3. There is a strong possibility that my H will be unable to refinance the house and keep it. This means will have to sell it. And I'm not sure how well it will sell with two "bachelors" living in it.
I agree with LH - coudln't this mean that the rent offsets your repayment? He is renting from you as well as your H....actually doesn't your H have to pay some 'rent'? If you guys are keeping it and he is getting to stay there surely he doesn't have only all the benefits?
Yes, I am going to quit paying for half of the mortgage if our friend moves in. However, my H has 2 choices concerning the house. 1. We sell it 2. He refinances the house and clears me from the mortgage (best option).
Lately I've been feeling more upbeat. I'm tired of wasting my time, energy, tears, and thoughts on a person who has made it clear they don't anything to do with me. I don't know why H feels that way and I probably never will know why. But I do know that I gave it my all (although there are things I wish I could've changed). Overall, life is too short to deal with crappy people.
There is another thing that has been driving me too. I love to prove people wrong regarding their expectations of me. During our one and only counseling session, my H said that no matter where I end up I will probably never be happy or have a lot of friends.
I am determined to prove him wrong. I am going to be a great boss, friend, sister, daughter, etc. Heck, I've already made several new friends and have reached out to several old friends.
Mls: I feel the same way to prove myself. My H said he didn't have any fun with me. So freaking what? He wasn't fun either? It's his fault as well? He didn't have fun in Vegas? I did. What a azz.
Now I am "showing" him how fun I am.
You sound like you know what you want regarding the house. You are right the two bachelors and selling might be a bit difficult. Not sure what the real estate market is there?
There is another thing that has been driving me too. I love to prove people wrong regarding their expectations of me. During our one and only counseling session, my H said that no matter where I end up I will probably never be happy or have a lot of friends.
I am determined to prove him wrong. I am going to be a great boss, friend, sister, daughter, etc. Heck, I've already made several new friends and have reached out to several old friends.
Yep, my H's going to eat his words![/QUOTE]
I love what you wrote here! I think I'm going to write this down and post it to my mirror. It's strange that I have never really thought of it this way. It would feel so good to just move on and prove everything that my H thought of me wrong...and wouldn't he hate it if I did move on, meet someone new and lived the good life.
Yes, this should be motivation for us all. Our spouses are going to regret everything they have said and done to us... at some point.
Looking back on our relationship, I can remember when we first got married and were living in a small apartment. My H began working long hours and it was then that I noticed how much he took me for granted. I remember coming home from working 8 hours a day and cleaning up his messes and thinking "I don't deserve this." In fact, I'd even cuss him out in my head because I was so angry over the fact he did nothing to help me clean or cook.
I sucked it up for 4 years. Every time I brought this subject up, we ended up in a huge fight. Maybe I should've done something earlier.
Re: I think I belong here now 
