Corpuswife

He sounded like a selfish person through the marriage.

It's amazing when you stop only recognizing the positives in your marriage and start realizing that there were negatives !! You know you are moving on...

mls31

I sent my H an email a few days ago with a list of things we need to take care of. I've only received a few very brief emails from him concerning my email.

I think he's pissed off. Did I mention that I packed up most all of the kitchen stuff when I was home? I even packed up the silverware and utensils (minus 3 spoons and a spatula, which I laid out nicely in the drawer).

And the sick and twisted thing is that I feel bad that he may be pissed off at me. Why I am worried about it? This is not my problem. Yet, part of me still doesn't want to hurt him and have him angry with me. Totally screwy!!

When I was packing, I threw away all of the cards and letters he sent to me over our relationship. I was so angry. Maybe I should've kept them? Those memories are gone... in more ways than one. Should I have kept them?

Loving Husband

I wouldn't have cause it's all broken promises.. Unless you really think he will work his way back... I hated to see cards from my wife. They just reminded me that her love comes and goes as she saw fit. Loved me hard here but wanted to leave me when times got tough.. Even to this day I wonder if my wife is in this for life. I hear her say it but I seriously don't feel it..

Ash22

Wow. That first paragraph describes me to the t also. When we started talking again right after my daughter was born I remember some stuff that he said didn't sit well with me. Like the rational part of me was saying he hasn't really changed listen to the way he is talking...We were texting all the time and whenever he texted me and I said I was out he texted back saying I better not be with any males, drinking, etc etc. And I would do my best, bend over backwards, just so I wouldn't piss him off, afraid that I would lose him again. Your right it is screwy.

As far as the cards. I wouldn't have kept them only because everything right now for me would be to bittersweet and then I would find myself stuck in memory lane...and then I would be tempting to call him.

Corpuswife

Ash and MLS: you know what you are worried that your H's are pissed?

Because you are good and caring people and that's how they treat others! They think of others and aren't selfish. Even the ones that rip our hearts out deserve our care (we think).

knortoh

I am going to reply with a little story

I have a very good friend whose husband slept with an ex a few years back and fathered a child with her (while he had two beautiful children at home). My friend and her h are no longer together - it has been around 3 years since the split.

Something that I have noticed with my friend... only in the last couple of months has she been able to truly stand up for her self and not care what 'he' thinks -

the more she does this - the better outcomes she has for her self and her kids - the stronger and happier she is

but the more pissed off he is getting -

he sends her really angry texts about how she has 'changed' and how she is bitter and angry - nothing could be further from the truth - she is amazingly fair, sensible and honest - really I hold her in the highest regard - particularly considering how wronged she and her children are...she never acts in anger

but why I am telling this story is that i have been intrigued by how she has had to develop the skills to stand up for herself - and how as she is emotionally detached she can do it - but also how un detached he is - he is stuck getting angry, reacting - wanting to fight - she is happy with herself and her life - and she is strong - he has nothing and wants to fight with her still -

he has nothing she wants anymore -

sure we care now - and we may always care - but one day we won't be hurt anymore - I know my friend cares about her x as the father of her kids - but she laughs when she gets an angry text from him - she laughs deeply and warmly...genuinely because it is funny...

unless they deal honestly with whatever they are doing/going through they will be the ones who are stuck....they will be the ones still emotionally attached - through anger, bitterness (in my H's case guilt and regret) - if we are honest and face who we are we will be fine - maybe for those of us who share kids the connection will always be there - but it won't be an unhealthy one

it is our job to develop the skills to deal with them (if we have to keep dealing with them) - I personally hate this work - I have to stand up for myself all the time - ignore when I know he will be annoyed -

the detachment will happen for us - it isn't healthy for us to hold onto people who have contributed such hurt to our hearts - we will seek healthiness and happiness...if that means that we are alone for the rest of our lives this must be better than being with someone who has cared for us so little as to break our hearts -
and our trust and to betray us -

one day we will laugh when they are pissed...

Ash22

I liked that quite a bit K. I feel for your friend, can't even imagine how painful that would be...but it is definetly an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing that, and if you still talk to that friend, tell her I admire her very much.

knortoh

Ash I see her nearly every day - she is the mother of my son's best friend - lucked out there !
I'll let her know - and she is a good role model for you - she hasn't had it easy - she is Japanese and so her family is not here and hasn't been for any of this - she's had to face this stuff herself - people real people are what is inspirational in life - I find when I am really cross she grounds me - and makes me laugh - she has a wicked sense of humour

mls31

Very strong words, K! And so freaking true!

I don't care how much my H told me he loves, cared for me now or then, he ultimately broke my heart. And that's something good people and H's don't do.

Corpuswife

Yes...K. It's better to be alone then with someone who doesn't care for us.

mls31

This week has been total chaos and it's only Wednesday! I found out today that all of my family member's schedules have worked out to help me move out of the house on Friday.

So we're making the 4 hour trip to get all of my furniture and stuff out of the house. We figured the sooner I get stuff out, the less likely someone will take it or it will turn up missing.

It fully hit me this evening that this will probably be my last trip to "our" house. This was my first house and my H and I purchased it together. I loved our little starter house. I poured a lot of heart and elbow grease into it. This will be very bittersweet.

I hope and pray there will be another house (and maybe another person) that I can love just as much. However, I think your first house will always hold a special place in your heart.

Corpuswife

mls: You BET there will be another house!

It will feel good to have things DONE and out of the house. I know it will also be sad but you don't have to go back there again and see his life. Let him stew in it.

You deserve a special place.

knortoh

mls - so proud of you - moving on - moving on - doing what needs to be done -

wren

I'll be thinking of you, mls. So proud of your hard work!

Cautious

good for you mls!
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