mls31

If my H can get the house refinanced (and that's a big if), he'll make sure he pays the mortgage. I know he wants the house.

However, the house will become a dirty bachelor pad. He did nothing to help clean and upkeep the house when we were together. The last time I was there, the place was pretty filthy. I can only imagine that it has only gotten worse. It's just another thing that is "not high on his priority list" (his exact words).

One thing I forgot to mention. My ex wants me to sign the divorce decree before anything has been done in terms of refinancing the house and car. Does this seem right? Why would I sign off on something and agree to the terms if the terms have not been reached?

Notaclue

mis31 you probably need to talk to a lawyer, but it does sound fishy to me also. The terms should be in writing and agreed to by all parties.

SoxMunkey

I agree with what Notaclue is saying. If you don't get it all in writing, then it can come back and bite in the rear later on. Marriage, separation, and divorce are all very emotional. It's best to protect yourself for the future.

Corpuswife

He already has a touch of the "crazies." Don't trust him when it comes to the financials. Get it in writing.

EnlightenMe

I just went thru all 20 pages and want to say thank you. I've been apart from my H for over 3 yrs and yet have only just recently found a way to emotionally let go. Reading these posts have really helped me feel like I'm moving in the right direction, for myself. It's also comforting to know that I'm not the only one thats had to deal with an x that refuses to take the time to finish things, but can take his girlfriend to Vegas! Lol. Anyways I've enjoyed the insight and much respect to all you for making a better life for yourselves because thats what we deserve.

mls31

I had another appointment with my counselor today. We touched on several topics. She told me that from what she has heard, my ex was looking for a mother not a wife. And somehow I agreed to being this. However, I knew that if I didn't take care of everything, nothing would get done.

I realized I was married to a manipulator and a total "man-child." I deserve more and I'm upset he treated me so poorly.

knortoh

me too mls me too

I was married to one of them
that's why we have the same problems now
they weren't fully grown up when we got them and we covered for them in all sorts of ways -
sure they had great qualities as well and we didn't notice the other stuff so much because you and I we are doers -
I can just tell from your posts - your remind me of me when my H left the first time - I was much stronger and clearer back then - ran on adrenelin (that is why you have lost so much weight I'll bet) - same with me I lost loads and loads of weight...but I got through things one by one - each bit was like pulling teeth but I forced myself to do stuff.


I don't know about your ex mls but mine has only two modes with me now

super guilty - crying and telling me he has no anger toward me -
and then the completley contradictory petulant and unreasonable one -

that's correct they don't do anything they don't want to now - any of the hard stuff because they didn't do it in the relationship - same same

my h actually said to me that he hated the fact that I had to be the adult all the time...and yet ...there has been no growing up since leaving the nest as far as I can see....

also if your h was like mine they get things doen through passive agressive behaviour -
being ambiguous
just not doing stuff
not answering questions
avoiding until the other person does it...

all the while he is mr wonderful at work .....
work got the grown up version of my H
I got the child
seems pretty unfair....
sorry have vented a bit on your thread _ I can just so relate -

so pleased you got out now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mls31

K, I can't believe what I just read in your post. I swear we must be married to the same man!!

My ex has the same two modes: 1. acts like I just ran over his dog and is all weepy 2. in total agreement with everything I say and swears he'll follow up on things (which he doesn't).

And yes, everyone at work thought my ex was a superstar. Every time I visited him at work, his coworkers would always tell me how awesome and hard working he was. Yet, I was left with a child whom I had to take care of at home. Total crap!!

I am happy for both of us K. We deserve better. Although we are both going through a crappy spot, I see brighter days ahead.

mls31

Just wanted to follow up with a text message sent by my ex today. He is apparently ticked at me for not removing his name from the lease on my car.

In November I told him that in order to get his name off as co-lessee on my car, we'd have to shell out $595 (which is insane in my book). I asked him if he would pay half since we got the car together. He agreed. I never saw any money though. Never thought I would.

After talking with my lawyer he said I shouldn't sweat it. He said it wasn't my responsibility and to not do anything with the car lease unless my ex brings it up again. Today he was at the bank trying to get his car and house refinanced and my car shows up on his credit report. He assumed I had taken care of it. So I told him if he paid me half of the $595, I'd take his name off.

Now he's saying I should pay for half of our new mattress since we bought it together and still owe money on it. I'm sure he'll also suggest I pay to get the house appraised since I'm the one who wants my name off the mortgage.

Does this sound right??

Corpuswife

I would think about paying the $595. That way, he can refinance and get your name off of the mortgage.

That is really important if you want to own a house again in the near future. He could default on the loan or have late payments and affect your credit.

knortoh

the mattress???? you have got to be kidding
surely you can see the funny retort to this one mls!
you made your bed you lie in it!!!!!!!!

mls31

My suspicions have been confirmed this evening. I was messing around on Facebook and came across the potential OW's page.

Guess what I found? New Years Eve pictures of her and my ex. All dressed up, appearing to be on a date. His arm is around her waist.

Words cannot describe my anger and hurt right now.

Just totally crushed and pissed. Yet I am so GLAD we are divorcing. I deserve so much better.

God had better be hearing my prayers tonight.

Notaclue

I'm sorry your husband would allow this to happen and the OW obviously did it on purpose to irritate you. He does not deserve your love mls31 and will soon find out his mistake being with the OW that pulls these types of petty stunts. Prayers to you !

Corpuswife

I guess that is confirming to your gut! Seeing the pictures is an eye opener...maybe it's a way to close this relationship.

What a jerk!

mls31

I just sent all of my friends the link to the pictures on Facebook. It's probably childish, but it's times like these when I need friends to reaffirm that I am doing the right thing.

Two things run through my mind:
1. Was I not good enough?
2. Why can't I move on and be happy?

My friend told me to keep my chin up. I am trying but God sure loves to test me.