I think I belong here now

Corpuswife · 02-07-2010, 09:56 AM

I'm glad you are feeling better and more positive. I suppose living with the folks isn't the thing that you wanted at this stage. Just look at it as a transition.

You are an independent intelligent woman. In a year, your life WILL be significantly different.

mls31 · 02-08-2010, 08:45 PM

This is what I don't understand. Today I got an email from my ex saying that he wanted information about COBRA insurance since he is still worried about being without health coverage. If you remember, I suggested COBRA as kind of a joke. He said wanted some type of coverage since the divorce was taking longer than what he planned.

I responded and told him that he can Google info on COBRA and that it's not my responsibility to make sure he has health insurance. He's on his own now.

I then scanned a copy of the letter that was sent to his lawyer explaining my issues with the marriage settlement. I said these need to be addressed before I sign anything.

His reply: thanks for the help and information. Sorry to bother you and I will work on that tomorrow with my lawyer.

WTF??

Everything that he has pushed, I have rebuffed. To which he quickly responds with an apology and a thank you for my help. He acts tough but as soon as I push back he crumbles. I don't get it. At least he's easy to argue with...haha.

knortoh · 02-09-2010, 12:50 AM

mls ,
our ex's are so similar
I think this is what is happening
He can't stop seeing you as his support person - he has always shared this stuff with you
it is like my H contacting me the minute he got the first big bill after we split finances - .....
they think of us as the people who solve their issues - health/finances ....
it's quite pathetic -

mls31 · 02-09-2010, 08:54 PM

K, I think you're right. My H said several times during our marriage that he always admired the fact that I was so independent and mature. He said I always knew how to handle things. This impressed him. I am sure that he is now feeling lost and doesn't know who to turn to.

However, this is what he wanted. I am no longer responsible for his problems, concerns and issues. I am not his wife and I told him repeatedly that I wouldn't be his friend.

Tonight I got an email from him telling me congrats on becoming an aunt. I never told him that my brother and sister-in-law were expecting. This had to hit him hard knowing that he could have been an uncle. Or maybe not. Whatever.

I don't understand his attempts to be friendly towards me. In one email he is accusing me of ruining his life and making him go broke but in the next he congratulates me on becoming an aunt. Does he think I'll just excuse his piss poor behavior over the last 6 months??

Help239 · 02-09-2010, 09:20 PM

He's not thinking straight. You are. Keep it up

My W called me twice out of the blue today. She still assumes we can be friends after all that she has done to break up this family. I did not pick up. In the end she sent me an email because she wanted something from me. What a surprise .....

Corpuswife · 02-09-2010, 09:21 PM

mls: He's floundering and lost. Nothing REALLY surprising to you, now that you think about it?

He probably want to be friends. I have one of those....

knortoh · 02-10-2010, 12:58 AM

of course they want us to be friends - problem is they don't have the first idea what that means -
they have hurt us deeply and profoundly -
if they recognized this they would be ashamed to be looking for friendship from us...

mls31 · 02-10-2010, 02:34 PM

K, I think you nailed it. I don't think my ex realizes just how much has hurt me. He probably feels that if he's nice to me, I'll play a roll in his life. Whatever that roll may be.

Just got my hair cut. They lady who cuts my hair also does my mother-in-law's. She said my MIL asked if I was getting my hair done there. Apparently she is worried that our hairdresser will tell all of our stories to each other. She made it clear that she is not going to get in the middle but feels bad for both of us. I told my hairdresser that I could care less what she says about me, I have bigger things to worry about.

knortoh · 02-10-2010, 03:32 PM

get a new hairdresser -

mls31 · 02-10-2010, 03:49 PM

My last post was rather confusing. So I'll try to clarify. My hairdresser and l have been friends for several years. I think she feels caught in the middle since she does my hair and my MIL's. My hairdresser wanted me know that whatever is said between her and I stays that way and vice versa for my MIL and my hairdresser. My hairdresser is not here to pick sides but understands the pain we are both going through.

I know she is a friend and would never stab me in the back or talk evil about me. If anything I think she is confused by the actions of my ex and my MIL.

I can be the bigger person and move on. I don't think I should have to get a new hairdresser just because she does my MIL's hair.

ZoeCat · 02-10-2010, 03:52 PM

K & MLS - The friend thing... My soon to be ex (wow, its strange to finally be saying that) wants us to be friends. How can I be friends when he's out playing the field and has multiple girlfriends? How can I be friends with him when I know he's enjoying life with these other girls and never once enjoyed life with me? I thought I could do it, but yesterday is the first day I have completely ignored his calls and didn't even acknowledge he existed. Today I had to see him because we work for the same company (but normally different buildings). "you seemed kinda distant. Is everything okay?" No you a**; everything is not okay - you made sure of that. Go upstairs and see your girlfriend that works in the the same building as me! I am going between the anger and sad phase. Why do I now feel sad that I had the courage to push him away for once??

Help239 · 02-10-2010, 05:26 PM

Zoecat - stay strong. You don't owe him anything. You don't have to pick up his calls. "is everything ok?" what a jerk. He's clueless.

My W also is under the assumption we can "still be friends" even though she has been cheating on me since October (as far as I know). What makes them think this? It really doesn't matter. I will not pretend what she is doing is ok and I will not make anymore excuses for her with the kids.

mls31 · 02-10-2010, 06:03 PM

Maybe we should take our spouses attempt to remain friends as a compliment. Obviously they are the ones who are unable to move on without us. We must make awesome friends!

Too bad they can't have their cake and eat it too.

ZoeCat · 02-10-2010, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mls31

Maybe we should take our spouses attempt to remain friends as a compliment. Obviously they are the ones who are unable to move on without us. We must make awesome friends!

Too bad they can't have their cake and eat it too.

MLS - So true! But you know what? I am realizing that my H is no longer worth my friendship. Maybe somewhere down the road, but right now, he's not even the person I married or considered my best friend 6 months ago.

knortoh · 02-11-2010, 06:45 AM

sorry sorry mls I didn't mean my comment as an attack on your hairdresser - it was just a thought that maybe you don't need this connection - but if she is friend I understand - so many awkward relationships emerge after splits...