I think I belong here now

no1.daddy2kids · 10-08-2009, 09:27 PM

Thats exactly the same reaction I got from my wife when I was trying to cling to whatever I could. When I backed away, and acted like I did not care, she was drawn in. Now that things have gone past the point of no return, she is quite remorse, even though she is still running towards the OM. If there is a chance, I would agree with CW - back off some, don't call to talk about the relationship. I'm not saying its easy to do, probably will be real hard depending on you feelings. You probably already have, but go back and read CW-s posts on her situation. She was (still is) quite a rock and inspiration for what she went through.

knortoh · 10-09-2009, 12:39 AM

I'm just seconding no1 and CW....
you approach open and honestly - they fight back childishly - you get hurt....
I still crave talking to my H even though it was painful it was contact..
but if he comes to you you will find you can have a completely different type of conversation....

mls31 · 10-09-2009, 09:24 PM

I totally agree with everything that has been said. I need to back off and appear uninterested.

The thing is, I rarely talk to my H. We have a set phone call time on once a week. Beyond that, we have no contact. I am on the road with work Monday- Friday staying in hotels. On the weekends I stay with family.

My phone call last night was approximately 8 minutes long. I called to simply asked about a package I was expecting in the mail and to tell him that I will be coming home on Sunday evening.

I guess I no longer need to keep him clued in on my life. I'm not going to reach out anymore.

no1.daddy2kids · 10-09-2009, 10:37 PM

Quote:

I guess I no longer need to keep him clued in on my life. I'm not going to reach out anymore.

Its not easy to let go of someone like this. W and I were together over 10 years, married for nine on the 20th of Oct. Yes, we had trouble, but it is LOTS of shared time. Its HARD to put that away. To break that habbit of having that someone there. Even when we were having trouble, sleeping in separate beds, we still went on trips and did things. Had conversations, and shared experiences.

I am getting more sure of the direction I am heading every day, but along with that, I also am sorrowful for waht is happening. I blame myself for many things, and I know in my heart that it could have been different for a whole slew of reasons - communication, time for us, more romance, better job, probably the same things you are thinking. its tough to look back and think about these things. However, you do have to start looking forward too. I'm not saying that it has to be this week. It is different for everyone in their own emotional situation, their feelings, their family. But, when you start to look forward, you can start to make peace with what has happened. As long as you have tried what you think is complete and reasonable to get this fixed, you can hold your head up high and say you did your best.

mls31 · 10-11-2009, 09:50 AM

I received another email from my H (seriously, enough with the emails!).

He wanted to tell me that he will not be going with me to our counseling session. He wants to go to a session by himself. I'm not surprised. But I am a little upset that we only went to 1 session together. Judging from the first session, it was going to be a waste of time since he has been so disconnected.

He also wanted to tell me that he will be staying in a hotel tonight and Monday night when I am home. Apparently he can't even stand to be in the same house with me.

I think I'm ready to move on. I am so freaking tired of dealing with this.

knortoh · 10-11-2009, 03:39 PM

oh mls
I am so sorry
you have been through so much
and you have reached your limit - understandable ....
keep that anger going and move on with your life
keep on venting and staying in touch here...

Corpuswife · 10-11-2009, 03:51 PM

The emails probably have something to do with not wanting the direct conflict.

mls it's probably just as well that he drops the MC sessions if he was so disconnected on the first. They won't work with (1) participating. Been there and you end up MORE emotionally exhausted hoping for a forward-moving experience only to get the run around. Really I felt I was being emotionally abused! I am the one that decided to quit.

The hotel thing....total avoidance. Wow! Let him do whatever. Pretend you don't care with a smile. Whatever! That should be your phrase. He's behaving like a child at this point. Let him have his individual sessions and figure himself out.

mls31 · 10-12-2009, 10:34 AM

My H just dropped by to hand me our divorce papers.

It's officially over.

He said he's the one who changed and wants different things but he still blames me because I didn't tell him about my brief period of depression and the suicidal thought I had 3 years ago. He was so deeply hurt by that that he can't move forward, even though I haven't had those feelings since then.

I got pretty angry with him once he started putting the blame on me. I believe I said that it was total bullsh#t and started yelling. I did calm down.

When he left I just turned around and said, "see ya" and slammed the door. Childish, probably.

I am really hurt. I'm hurt over the fact that someone dislikes me so much they had to legally file to "do away" with me. Am I really that horrible of a person to be with?

I saw this coming from a mile away but it still hurts so bad.

knortoh · 10-12-2009, 10:44 AM

mls I am so sorry - everyone seems to be having a tough ol time at the moment...........
blaming you is nonsense and you know it...don't even go there
they'll try anything
look after youself and slam as many doors as you want....no need to keep your anger in check -
hey if it helps kick a hole in it...I've done worse

mls31 · 10-12-2009, 11:03 AM

I just went through the house and took down all of the pictures from our wedding and the two of us together.

It seems unfair they are still on the wall. What a flippin joke!

Corpuswife · 10-12-2009, 11:04 AM

Nonsense pure and simple. Blaming you is utterly the most stupid excuse ever...that you had suicidal thoughts! He sounds like a whimp that couldn't handle crap.

Gotta tell ya...you slamming the door terrific!

No more walking on eggshells and figuring out the way to behave for you!

Now you are free to be yourself and all it's glory! Take care and I'm sorry it happened this way. So abrupt.

knortoh · 10-12-2009, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mls31

I just went through the house and took down all of the pictures from our wedding and the two of us together.

It seems unfair they are still on the wall. What a flippin joke!

very cathartic - good stuff

mls31 · 10-12-2009, 04:25 PM

I have a legal advice question (do they have a "legal" category on this board?)

Since my H has already filed, do I need to find a lawyer in this county and state to represent me? It would be a lot easier for me to work with a lawyer that is close to my parents (in a different state) since I'm living there now. Anyone have any advice on this?

Feelingalone · 10-12-2009, 04:36 PM

Yes you will need a lawyer who licensed in the state where the divorce will be handled. Sorry. County isn't as big an issue except that the lawyer has to be located in the general vicinity of the action or res.

Corpuswife · 10-12-2009, 04:58 PM

Not sure where you live but if it's close to the other state I wonder if a lawyer can be licensed in more than one state? Maybe that would help.